


Now That We're Done

by daisysunflowerx



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band), liam payne - Fandom, niall horan - Fandom, zayn malik - Fandom
Genre: Post-One Direction, Post-Zayn One Direction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:46:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 50,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28850052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisysunflowerx/pseuds/daisysunflowerx
Summary: Twenty year old Elizabeth Payne is recovering from a traumatic past with the help of her older brother, Liam.  The two of them have been yearning for peace for quite some time, and with the help of a best friend, Harry Styles, they take on the journey during summer to find it.While helping and enjoying living with his friends, Harry takes this summer to write his second album, Fine Line, and finds some of the songs to be living right in front of him.Through the ups and downs of recovery and minor relapse, Elizabeth learns more about her past now that she can understand and she wants to know why it had happened to her, wanting to question the very man who put her through it.With messy endings to all things that happened in the past, Harry and Liam try to guide Elizabeth down a path that will keep her safe with the help of a few more helping hands.  Through times of love, times of growth, times of change and times of sadness... they spend their time through the end of summer determined that Elizabeth will recover and be herself once again, finding her happiness.
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

I sat on the couch alone, cold. I shivered and pulled my jacket tighter around myself. Looking to my left I saw picture frames on the side table full of pictures of myself and old friends. I glanced away quickly, my heart beginning to ache. Looking to my shoes, then to the ceiling, I groaned and quickly stood to my feet.

“Let’s go!” I called, getting out of that living room. I made my way to the bottom of the stairs listening for footsteps. “Elizabeth!” I called again.

“Liam!” She mocked me, plummeting down the stairs like she used to. She landed at the bottom and watched me watch her. “What?” She asked.

I looked her up and down. My baby sister. Twenty years old. The last time she was in this house she was eighteen and in love with long brown hair past her shoulders and a smile that couldn’t be replaced. She was her own boss and didn’t take shit from anyone, not even me. God, she used to hate herself for that after what happened. Running my hands through my hair, I sighed and shrugged.

“Memories,” I said flatly.

“Ugh, you’re gross,” She rolled her eyes, “Are we going?” She motioned at the door. I nodded and she started for it. Her hair was short now, hidden under a beanie hat. She wore sweaters in the summer and talked to her therapist on the phone twice a week. Wednesday and Saturday. Her sunglasses were always dark and she only talked to me, our parents and one other person. She got to the door, put her hand on the knob and looked at me.

“Liam?” She asked.

“Liz?” I answered.

“Can you go first?” She whispered. This was normal for her. Media blew her up once they all found out. All the stories made me absolutely sick. Her phone was shut off for two months because she couldn’t handle it. Her Twitter was deleted and she had to make a new private Instagram. Since July sixth, two years ago, she hasn’t left my side and there is not one part of me that wants to leave her alone.

“Come here,” I stood next to her, put her hood on over her hat and my arm around her shoulder, “The car is right down the stairs, okay?” She nodded, “Don’t you dare listen to one word anyone says.”

I pushed the door open and instantly we were both being shouted at, flashes going off like mad. Elizabeth kept her eyes down, but she clung to me tight. My guard opened the back door for us while pushing paps away. We slid in and the door slammed shut.

“Oh my god,” Elizabeth gasped, throwing her head into her lap, “OH my god.” She began to cry.

“Hey,” I laid my hand on her back and rubbed in circles. She sat back up and pulled her hat off along with her sweatshirt. She wore a dark blue tank top. Looking at me, her cheeks were red and eyes swollen. I wiped away tears with my thumb. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Why?” Her voice shook.

“Because,” I started, “You went into that house yourself.”

“You were with me, Li.”

“Yeah, I was. But you wanted to go. You asked me to go, and for that I am proud.” She bit her lip and smiled, resting her head onto my shoulder.

Days with my sister and I were always led by her and what she wanted to do. Asking her what she wanted to do today, she wanted to visit the house my old bandmates and I lived in for a few years. I hadn’t been there in years. The last time I had actually been in that house was April, when I left with everyone to go do a tour in the US. Liz was with us then, she and a good friend of hers were staying with us. When the tour was cut short after July, Elizabeth and I both went straight to our parents home. My old label had everything personal packed in the house and sent back to us. For what reason she wanted to go back to that house? I do not know. I just know that she wanted to go out, so I took her.

In order for no one to follow us back to my home that I had bought shortly after that month of our tour, another car like the one we were in was with us following different paths to ensure my sister and I made it home safe and alone. It added more time to the drive than I would have liked, but it was worth the ease of mind.

Fifteen minutes into the ride, Liz was gazing out the window pointing things out to me that she saw. It was always either a fast food place she missed, or a car she knew I liked. I nodded along, smiling with her. In my back pocket one of two phones vibrated and then blurted out a ringtone that I heard often. Elizabeth whipped her head around and held out her hand.

“That’s Harry,” She said sternly.

“I know.” I got her phone and handed it to her. The one other person she would talk to was Harry. After the split he and I would only talk on occasion- when it was our birthdays, holidays or when Elizabeth wouldn’t answer the phone.

“Hey, Harry,” She lit up when she heard his voice. They only talk through the phone, or FaceTime. He stops by when he can, but he’s always in the US working. “Yes, I’m good. I promise. What? I can’t hear- Oh, yes. I’m with Liam.” She always tells him she is with me, even though he already knows.

“We went to the Syco house, we are on our way back- Yeah, the Syco house,” She looked at me, her eyebrows lowered, “Well, there wasn’t much in there. Harry, I hadn’t seen it in two years,” She lowered the phone holding the mic and she whispered to me in a panic, “He’s mad.” Lifting the phone to her ear again she listened.

“Harry, I wanted to see it again.” There was a long pause while she listened to him, her face flashing different emotions. One of the early signs of one of her panic attacks. She knew how to handle this type of feeling though, I talked to her therapist about it. “Harry!” She shouted, her eyes squeezed shut. I snatched the phone from her.

“Harry?” I said angrily. There was a pause.

“Liam.” He answered, his voice gravely and low.

“What were you saying to her? You’re the one person she doesn’t talk to on the speaker around me, because we both trust you.”

“I said that she shouldn’t have gone to the house.” He spoke calm and slow, his usual manner.

“Why?”

“Because that house was hell? Liam you and I both know that house was hell.”

“Harry-“

“Liam, I didn’t tell her this. He went there last week.” My heart sank to my stomach. Flickering my eyes at her she was watching me with wide eager eyes.

“Okay, Harry. Yes, we appreciate it. Are you going to call later? Alright, she looks forward to it. Bye.” Faking a conversation was easier than blurting out the truth. I put her phone into my pocket and pulled mine out.

“He apologized, and told me that he will call you before seven,” Elizabeth smiled and looked at my phone. I usually never have it out when I’m out with her because my main focus was always making sure she was alright, “Mind if I send someone a message?”

“No, that’s okay.” She said and turned back to look out the window with half an hour left until we got home. I unlocked my phone, opened my messages and tapped onto Harry’s texts. I began to type.

L- We do not talk about him being there.

I waited. Then the three dots popped up.

H- To who? You or Liz.

L- Liz. Do you know why he was there?

H- No. Heard it from this girl I worked with the other day. Didn’t want to believe it.

L- Who was the girl? How did she know?

H- Her name was Gigi. And I’m not sure.

L- Ok. Hear from you at 7 when you call Liz. Thank you Harry.

H- Anytime.

The rest of the ride home was quiet and when we arrived, I did the usual. I stepped out of the car first, checked the scene, then let Elizabeth step out. It made her feel better, and if she feels better so do I.

We were pulled into the long black driveway that connects my garage to the street. Almost every bit of my house was surrounded by trees. I bought this home with the purpose of privacy, and it’s been perfect for everything my sister and I were going through. It was on a private street only the neighbors by me could access, and even then you couldn’t see another house in sight. It was spacious, quiet, relaxing and the environment we needed to be in. The house itself was only a story tall. It had four bedrooms, one of which I turned into a home studio to work on music in, a cozy living room with bookshelves for days and a beautiful backyard with an inground pool and plenty of patio space around it. It certainly was not as big as the Syco house I once lived in or as glamorous as some houses celebrities live in, but my sister and I adored it and we’ve been happy here for two years.

“I’m tired,” Elizabeth mentioned as we walked inside the garage, “I might lay down.” I told her to go lay down and she went to her room. I flopped onto my sofa and pulled out my phone. I opened Google and searched for news on the man Harry brought up. Curious as to why Elizabeth would want to go to the house if he was just there. The first story that popped up was of him on the streets of NYC locking lips with a rail thin, long haired blonde. It read their names with the title ‘Heating Things Up?’.

Opening it, I scanned the lines not caring about what he was doing until the girl's name came up again. Sure enough her name was Gigi. I locked my phone, slid it onto the table, stood up and took myself down the hall to knock on Elizabeth’s door.

“It’s open,” She called.

“As it should be,” I joked walking inside, “What are you doing?” She was sitting at her desk with nothing on it. She shrugged.

“Sitting,” She said seriously. I cracked a laugh and sat on her bed.

“Obviously,” She stared at me, “I have a question, if you don’t mind.” Squinting her eyes she nodded.

“Why... why did you want to go to the Syco house today?” I asked quietly. Elizabeth looked at her hands then at me.

“I wanted to feel something,” She said, “Haven’t felt anything. In a long time. In two years.” She stared off into space, her mind wandering. I watched her closely as her eyes danced around her room in her mirror, and then she frowned.

“Elizabeth,” I said, raising my voice a little to regain her attention. She snapped out of it and looked at me.

“What were we saying?” She asked, “Oh, Syco house.”

“What did you want to feel?” I asked.

“Something. Anything,” She muttered. “I don’t even know what’s happening with the world. I don’t go on my phone.”

“No,” I shook my head answering her quickly, “Kens says you can have it when someone calls.”

“Then let me call Ken's myself,” She raised her eyebrows. “I need new rules. Liam!” She held out her hand and I sighed. I felt both my pockets and found nothing.

“Use mine, it’s on the coffee table.”

She bolted for the living room and snatched my phone. I heard the buttons click and the phone unlock, then I heard a thud on the floor a few seconds later. Leaving her bedroom, I found her staring at my phone on the ground at the story of him that I forgot to close out of. Her face was straight as she stared. Then she looked up at me. I couldn’t make out any words to say. She hadn’t seen anything or heard anything of or about him in a very long time. She bent down and picked the phone up, exiting the screen. I saw her go to my contacts, find Kens’ number, her therapist, and call.

“Hi, Kens. Yeah, it’s me. I just went on the internet for the first time.”

-

It was easy to understand why anxiety made you hide, why it made you feel small and stuck. It was difficult for Liam to understand opposite action, which meant doing exactly what anxiety was telling you not to do. After my conversation with Kens I realized that if I wanted to get out of feeling like I was stuck in a hole, I had to do just that.

Liam agreed to take me out, which he did quickly after learning what opposite action was, after I mustered up the courage myself to ask him. Setting his phone down on the coffee table I looked to my brother and nodded.

“We’re going to do this, yes?” I asked. He lowered his eyebrows and squinted his eyes at me.

“We’re going to feel alive,” He said seriously with some humor behind it. I smiled and stood up, heading towards my room. Liam called after me, “And for as long as you need. I’ll be out here on the phone Kens.”

When I started living with my brother back when, I never knew he and I would end up here. I had envisioned that I’d be dancing my way through life, literally, and be in an amazing relationship with someone I truly loved. Liam would still be making music with his band and maybe he and I would eventually be working together merging our talents. Instead, I live with him somewhere his fans can’t find him and we work together on my therapy while he still works with the media. I never liked the paparazzi. Not even when I was living in the Syco house, living the dream for a few months. 

After then the headlines were horrific, my name caught up in something I wish I could erase from my memory, but Kens says it is important to have because she says look at how I’m starting to grow from it. I can never see what she’s talking about when I’m stuck in a low. I only see why what happened to me happened, but once I’m feeling okay I understand.

I sat down in front of my mirror and took a deep breath down into my stomach. My makeup hadn’t been touched in months. It was still set up from when Liam had helped me clean up from a panic attack weeks ago. Brushes went flying, it wasn’t pretty.

I put my cold hands over my pale cheeks and groaned. I wasn’t sure if I even remembered how to properly put on a simple face of makeup. I dabbed some concealer under my eyes and brushed on some bronzer and mascara.

I changed into some ripped blue jeans, a lavender sweater that fell just off my shoulder and a pair of black slides. My red hair I pulled back with a braid in the front and a little ponytail in the back. It was not as long as it used to be. I had to cut a whole lot off after it thinned out extremely from stress. That was a heartbreaking moment for someone like me who used her hair as a personality trait. Liam sat beside me the entire time it got done and had even helped which shade of red to color it. I’m his own special mix of chocolate cherry.

Stepping out of my room an hour after speaking to Liam I found him patiently sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone. His head popped up after he heard my door close, and his jaw fell open.

“Well, look at you!” He gushed.

“Ugh, Liam, don’t,” I forced back a smile, but it peeked through as I walked over to him.

“You look great,” He said standing up offering me a hand, “Shall we?”

I took his hand and laughed.

“We shall!”

-

Elizabeth and I had a quick, fun evening out. My driver drove us around the small town outside where my home is, where some paparazzi can be found but also some amazing restaurants. I kept my hand sat on top of hers in the car and thought about the conversation I just had with Kens about accepting this decision my sister made about her recovery. Kens told me I need to make some new boundaries as Liz starts to grow with her treatment. Eventually she would want her phone back and that’s the only problem I had. 

For nearly a year after it happened I was the only one on her phone. I deleted messages, incoming and outgoing. I deactivated Twitter and created a new Instagram for her. I told Kens I was not ready for her to be back on Twitter, and she agreed with me. She said she will not allow Liz back onto social media full time until she knows she will be okay reading what she’ll be reading.

Looking at her beside me in the car she was gazing out the window, a soft smile on her face again, but her right knee was beginning to bounce a bit. Kens told me to watch for that as a sign of her anxiety being present. I squeezed her hand and she turned to look at me.

“You okay?” I asked calmly. She took a deep breath and nodded.

“I’m okay. Excited and nervous. But okay,” She smiled and I returned it to her.

We pulled up along an Italian restaurant she used to love and she gasped so loud I thought I was going to jump out of my pants. It didn’t seem too busy for a Thursday night, so we decided it would be alright for us to stay. As usual I got out of the car first and held her hand as she slowly took her time to step out and watched as she looked all around. I noticed that some people realized who I was, and then saw their reaction when they realized who I was with. A girl shouted out her name and Liz jumped in her shoes slightly and latched onto my arm.

“You’re doing great,” I said to her quietly as we walked towards the doors, “They’re looking excited to see you.” She let out a breathy laugh the moment we stepped inside. She let go of me and shook her hands and stretched out her arms.

“My heart is beating like a drum,” She whispered, bouncing on her toes.

There was some commotion outside, some louder voices, and Liz and I both turned to look through the windows. Sure enough there were two paparazzi with camera lenses nearly pressed against the glass. Liz’s eyes went wide so I quickly turned her away and asked for our table.

We sat in an empty section of the dining room which was perfect for us both as we can be quite loud together. We always knew how to make our own party.

During dinner it was extremely easy to forget the world and I can only hope Elizabeth felt the same exact way. Our conversation drifted from shopping for some new clothes for her, to when I auditioned for X-Factor, to some old family vacations we took during the summers. We sat in front of our empty plates and I looked at her curiously.

“Do you have any plans for the rest of this summer?” I asked. She blew a raspberry on her lips and sighed.

“We can do this every night,” She giggled, “Although...” Her words trailed off as did her eyes. I held my focus on her and then shook the ice in my glass around before taking a sip to help bring her back.

“Although?” I questioned between sips of cool water.

“I want to see Harry,” She said and looked me right in the eyes.

“I don’t have a problem with-“

“I know you don’t,” She cut me off quickly not breaking her eye contact, “It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen him.” Her voice turned to a whisper. I watched her as she explained to me how great I’ve been with helping her, and how she loves me very much but that she needs to have a friend by her side, too.

“You know I’m still your friend, right?” I teased her and she rolled her eyes.

“You know what I mean!” She groaned.

“Yes, I do,” I laughed, “I’m proud of you for bringing all of this up. For talking to me, and helping me understand. If Harry-“ I was cut off again, but this time by that distinct ringtone. Elizabeth fell serious and held out her hand waiting for her phone to be placed there. Slipping it from my pocket, I smiled at her, and handed it over.

“Hi, Harry,” She breathed and listened to what he had to say, “Yes I am! Liam’s here with me,” as always, “We came out tonight... Oh, you saw already? Where?” I watched her talk to him every single phone call. She became a different person who lit up with excitement and energy. If she didn’t bring up Harry coming home to him, I was certainly sure that I was going to.

He was there afterwards, holding her, squeezing her hands. She was folded in his lap sobbing uncontrollably, nearly screaming, and he just sat there listening to her, somehow understanding her. He helped me through those few weeks of the hospital, then going home, then going back to the hospital. He stayed overnight with me most nights. Before any of this ever happened he was dating Liz’s old friend. He tried a slick move on my sister, but she’s so strong on her feet she put him in his place. Shortly after that night in July on tour, he was single again with no reason behind it. I just know we don’t bring up that girl anymore or hear from her. Eventually, once Liz and I were in my new home, he set off to do his solo music work. But he never forgot to call. He always called.

“Thank you, I bought it last year and had never worn it...” She glanced up at me and smiled, “Harry, I have a question for you later if I could call you when I’m home? That’s okay? Okay... bye.”

She hung up and handed her phone back over to me.

“Thank you for coming out with me tonight,” Liz said to me with a smile.

“Thank you for giving the best night I’ve had in awhile,” I said back to her with a small wink.


	2. Chapter 2

It was still the beginning of June. Liam and I spent the days in the backyard swimming or laying out. I had been feeling happier since our dinner date. I still called and FaceTimed with Kens twice a week, who told me how much better I was doing, and eventually allowed me to have my phone during the days. Liam helped me avoid things I didn’t want to see, he introduced me to post blocking and how to turn on notifications for people that I did want to see.

One Sunday night I stayed on the phone with Harry for two hours, just laid out on my bed staring at my ceiling talking about the summer we were going to have if he agreed to fly over. It did not take much convincing, and he told me he would have a flight booked by the following night.

“If it was that easy I should’ve asked sooner!” I exclaimed, hearing him say that on the other line.

“Hey,” He protested, “Anything for you, sweetheart.” I paused for a split second, then laughed.

“You’re gross,” I said to him.

“And you’re sounding great, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, love.”

“Bye, Harry.”

Turning my phone over to Liam for the night was still a relief. I was not used to having total control over it for the day, although Liam told me he was willing to take it whenever I needed him to. I told him about Harry and he cheered happily and hugged me, even though I do know they talk to one another still. I said goodnight to Liam and made my way back to my room, crawling in the covers and sighing into the pillows. July was coming soon, but Harry would be here just as fast. The troublemaker who just so happened to turn into my peace.

-

I hated airports with everything in my being. The last time I was in an airport was when I flew home from the states days after the night on tour, and I was a wreck. Walking into one now some of those memories came back, but I was no longer disassociating as much so I took in the sight and tried to create a new memory.

Liam and I had our arms linked together as we were ushered by security into an area where we were able to sit by ourselves to wait for Harry. There were definitely paparazzi and people sneaking pictures but I was too excited to even think about them. I began to bounce my knee up and down, and Liam brought a hand over to hold it still.

“You’re fine,” He said to me.

“I know,” I whispered, “I’m just a little nervous. I don’t know why.”

“Well, he is linked to the greatest part of why you and I live our lives the way we do,” Liam put his arm around my shoulder and let me sink into him. He was right. Harry was the first person to jump into action without second guessing. He took one look at me and dove himself in.

“Yeah,” I sighed, closing my eyes on his shoulder.

“Don’t go falling asleep now,” Liam said with a laugh.

“Just a quick little snooze!” I joked, not opening my eyes. There were a few shouts outside the area we were in, a girl screaming, and then a few men dressed in black rounded the corner. I sat up and stared at them. Some of them turned and from the middle of them came Harry, dressed in black jeans and a dark purple button down. His hair was short and styled back, he had sunglasses sitting on the edge of his nose and a bag slung over his shoulder. He started towards me and I jumped up, running right into him jumping into his arms. He held me so tight, pulling me close so my feet came off the ground. Liam came up behind us going in to hug him, too. The men in black behind Harry stayed where they were until Harry motioned them towards us. He kept one arm around me tight.

“As much as I would love to do this here, we need to go,” He said quickly, his voice familiar and gravely. Looking up at him, under the sunnies his eyes were still just as bright and his curls were still bouncing.

“You just got here!” I exclaimed, holding a hand on his chest trying to stop him from moving. He kept his arm around me.

“I know, but I don’t think we should stay here now,” I glanced up at him and he and Liam were sharing a moment. Harry put his hand to my head and held it to his chest, “Can you trust me?” He asked.

“Of course,” I answered fast, becoming more confused. We were walking out of where we were waiting, Liam to my right and Harry to my left still holding me. The men in black were close behind us. Suddenly there was a roar of screaming and I swore I could feel my knee go weak. I couldn’t see much around me, but I knew there was a crowd of people. Cameras started to flash around us.

“Liz, you don’t listen, you hear me?” Liam said sternly, something he hasn’t said in a while, “You do not listen.”

We got closer to the people and I clung to the back of Harry’s shirt trying to keep walking in time with him and my brother. We were nearly jogging. I could barely hear from where I was against Harry’s chest, but I could hear the screams.

“Are they around us?” I nearly shouted, feeling a flutter in my chest. I prayed this wasn’t a panic attack.

“Don’t worry about it, love.” Harry said to me, keeping us moving.

“Fuck’s sake,” I heard Liam mutter beside me.

“What, Li?!” I tried to turn to him. I could feel our steps move sideways as if the crowd pushed us sideways. Harry’s grip stayed where it was on my side.

“Liam,” Harry said calmly from above me, “We’re almost to the door.” He assured me. I was about to try to come out of Harry's grasp, just so I could get a look around and see what was really happening, until a few deafening screams knocked me down.

They screamed his name. My knees went completely weak with the idea of him in the same building as me let alone the same room. They screamed it again. My mind was beginning to go fuzzy. My breathing going funny. They screamed it again, and again. I tripped over my feet and nearly fell to the floor. Harry caught me from the side and lifted me into him, setting my feet on the floor. We stopped walking. The room was spinning. The men in black came around us, pushing people away. Liam grabbed my shoulders and spoke into my ear.

“Elizabeth you can keep going,” He said squeezing my shoulders, “You can do this,” I turned to look at Liam the best I could, “Don’t let him do this to you.” He said with anger behind it.

“He’s in here,” I barely spoke, “I can’t see him.”

“You’re not going to,” Liam told me as we tried to walk again.

“He’s going to hurt me,” I choked out. Liam pulled a face like he was going to cry, then looked to Harry.

“We need to leave, now!” Liam said. Harry picked me up, slinging my legs across his other arm and eventually we came straight out the door. I was put down in the backseat beside Harry before he laid me on him and I closed my eyes.

-

Harry and I sat on my couch for the rest of that day and into the evening. Elizabeth was laying in her bed, with the door to her room open, and she wasn’t speaking to either of us. She called Kens when we got home and then when she was feeling up to talking. Kens told me that it was important to keep an eye on her for the next few days, which she knew I did anyway.

I was in complete and utter disbelief that something like this had happened today. On all days, he showed up to the same airport as we did. Elizabeth was doing so well and now that Harry was here I was hoping this summer would be a huge step in her recovery.

I had caught a glimpse of his face. He looked over directly at me and I knew he saw Harry, too. His hair was buzzed short and he was now completely covered in tattoos. He was keeping quiet in most headlines but releasing an album soon. Hard to believe he even got the first one out. 

I wanted to push through that crowd and give him what he deserved, and what he did deserve was to be locked up. The judge let him off and I’m pretty sure his team paid to get him out of it. I’m just thankful we were able to get a restraining order which I’m sure was broken today but how would you avoid a situation like this.

“She’s still sleeping,” Harry came down the hall and sat back down beside me reaching for a glass on the table.

“Did you know he was going to be at that airport today?” I asked quietly, rubbing a hand on my forehead. Harry took a sip of his water and shook his head.

“Not a clue, Liam,” He said, “I even looked into it.”

“You looked into it?” I asked.

“Yes, I tried to have people check where he was... but there was no way to be certain,” He sighed setting his glass back down, sinking into the cushions, “No way to be certain of when someone is going to travel.” I nodded in agreement.

The fans always had some kind of idea when we would travel as a group. They knew to figure out which place we would stay at, and which city we were in. It was always very hard to stay discreet. I glanced towards my phone and picked it up. Clicking onto Twitter I went straight to his profile and there was nothing but promos for his album. 

I searched up his name on the explore page and a few tweets popped up from today with pictures attached. Many of him coming through the airport with a bag on his back, going the opposite direction we were but still a few feet away from us. I found one of Harry and I but you could only see a bit of our heads over the security and I was relieved you couldn’t see Liz. I scrolled further down and found a story from a page about him. I opened it and quickly skimmed through the words. It mentioned how we were at the airport as well and it included Liz’s name but nothing more on our situation. 

I was about to close out of it until I read how as we left, he left the airport as well. He didn’t go on a plane. He came inside and then he left, about the same time as we were in the airport. It was as if he was on our location instead of the other way around. I leaned over towards Harry to show him what I was reading.

“There’s no way he could do that!” Harry exclaimed. I shushed him quickly.

“He did a lot of things we never knew he would ever do,” I muttered, “I’m not saying that's what this is, just seems a bit strange.”

“He shows up to an airport and doesn’t get on a plane,” Harry scoffed, “What was his intention of going then?!” I had to shush him again.

“Just promise me, we don’t share this information. We have to keep things as normal as we can,” I explained, “Before today she was doing incredible. We were going out and she was happier, she even started dancing a bit.” A smile grew on Harry's face.

“She hasn’t danced at all since before we knew about them, right?” He asked knowing we both knew that answer. I nodded and looked down towards my knees. We sat in a comfortable silence for a minute or two.

“Thanks for coming here, Harry.” I said quietly looking towards him.

“You know I care a great deal about her,” He said back to me, “After that night I didn’t want to leave. I had nightmares when I went to write and record my album and even on tour.” I watched him scrunch his face and put his head into his hands.

“I don’t blame you. You had to break him away from her, knock him down.” I nearly whispered.

“Sign of the Times,” He said, raising his head, “It’s about her.” He whispered. I kept my eyes on his face. He rubbed his eyes and sighed.

“I don’t even know what happened between us to turn us into what we are now,” He said, “We weren’t as close... I dated her horrible friend who left her... and now she and I can’t go a day without speaking.” I nodded him along with a few encouraging responses.

“You have played a huge part in her recovery,” I mentioned, “Without you I’m not sure she’d be where she is now.” He smiled softly.

“And to think at first I was worried about you,” I laughed. Harry’s face twisted in confusion.

“What!” He burst into laughter, “Why me!” I shrugged.

“You were feisty when we were younger!” I grinned, “I figured you’d be the one enticing her.”

“I wouldn’t do something to her like that,” He paused, “Unless she asked me.” He smirked at me.

“Harry!” I gasped.

“You know I’m joking,” He swatted at my hands, “She’s always deserved respect. Even if my heart got the best of me when she came to live with us,” He shook his head, “I knew how he would be towards her... I guess somehow... I was trying to stop that relationship from happening.”

Harry and I went on to talk about his album and then my music and then about the rest of our time together before we decided to go to bed. We both checked on Elizabeth in her room before we headed off. She was sound asleep between her sheets on her back with her hands over her head. Harry and I said goodnight to one another and slipped into our rooms.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

I woke up at seven thirteen in morning to the smell of bacon coming from the kitchen. Tossing back my sheets I stood up and took a deep breath stretching my arms in the air. I slipped a sweater over my shoulders and stepped out to the kitchen where I found Harry only in a pair of shorts hunched over the stove.

“Don’t burn yourself,” I giggled. He turned over his shoulder and smiled.

“Good morning, gorgeous!” He said in a silly voice. I shook my head and sat at the counter bar trying to hide the cheesy smile on my face. His hair was pushed to the side of his head and his eyes were still sleepy. He turned back to the stove when the bacon in the pan began to pop.

“I hope you’re hungry,” He said, “You slept the day away yesterday.” I shrugged my shoulders and sighed.

Yesterday was a day I never saw coming, but it was bound to happen eventually. I hoped no one had caught it on camera and I was extremely embarrassed Harry had seen it even though he’s seen worse.

He turned back toward the counter I was at with the plate in his hand and sat it down in front of me. He placed both his elbows on the counter and put his chin in his hands.

“Are you going to watch me eat?” I laughed. His face was serious and his eyes were moving all around my face, as if he was studying me. He took a deep breath and stood up normally.

“No I suppose not,” He picked up a piece of bacon and crunched it between his teeth, “But I do expect you to eat something.” I picked a piece up and took a few bites. It was super crispy the way I loved it and it tasted so good. I finished it and ate another. It was bringing back memories of when he would cook at the Syco house. That kitchen always smelled delicious. Harry had turned his back to me to begin cooking some eggs in a new pan and by the time he was done I had almost finished the plate. He caught me mid chew.

“Well... okay,” He said grinning at me.

“Hey, you said to eat,” I said with a mouth full.

“Liam better wake up or he’s not going to get anything,” Harry started to laugh.

“His loss.” I said reaching for another bite. Harry sat the rest of the food out and then sat beside me to eat as well. We ate quietly until he turned to look at me.

“I’m probably not allowed to ask you this,” He said at a whisper, “But are you okay?” I looked at him, then at my plate, then back to him.

“You’re allowed to ask,” I said in the same tone, “And no... I mean, I don’t know.”

“It’s okay to not know.”

“It’s exhausting. I’m beginning to feel alright but then I get an overwhelming feeling of shame, or guilt or anxiety.”

“Why do you feel guilt?” Harry asked, his tone becoming more serious.

“Guilty that I’m responsible for this. And before you tell me I’m not, because everyone tells me that, I just feel it.”

“I think it’s normal to feel that way, actually.” Harry reached over to put a hand over mine.

“Thank you,” I sighed deeply, “I always feel pain and there were even nights where... I used to miss him.” Harry looked away. I knew it was hard for anyone to hear that.

“I feel angry now... a lot,” I moved my hand to hold his and I gave it a squeeze.

“I wish you felt peace,” Harry whispered, closing his eyes.

“I will,” I whispered back.

-

When I got up in the morning I found Liz and Harry in the kitchen cracking jokes and eating breakfast. I joined them and got a roar of laughter when I asked why there wasn’t any bacon left. It was reassuring to see Elizabeth this way after the day she had yesterday. Kens had told me when she’s snapping back to what we call normal, after a situation, quicker that it means she’s getting better. Since the beginning of this summer, after we left the Syco house that day, she’s been snapping back. 

Kens mentioned to me quickly on the phone before she had to hang up that when Liz saw the article that was left open on my phone that day it had triggered something in her brain. She told me that there could’ve been two reactions, one that was destructive and one that would subconsciously force her to recover. Seeing his face in a picture, reading about him, seeing him with another girl looking as if nothing had changed him had actually made her want to be better and she had no idea that that’s what’s happening.

Standing at the counter with Harry and my sister I listened as she told us that she was actually going to meet with Kens today for a cup of coffee, and needed Harry and I to tag along close behind her. This was one of the first things that has happened where I didn’t get a text from Kens first. Harry put an arm around her shoulder and agreed to come along, as did I. She thanked us and then left us to go shower and get herself ready for the day. Harry got up and began cleaning up from breakfast and I found my phone to open up my messages clicking on the bracket between Kens and I.

L- No heads up for the meeting today?

Three dots popped up as she was typing. They disappeared, but then came back.

K- Good morning to you, too! Remember that agreement? It is still in effect no matter what has happened. I apologize and I know you would always know what was happening. She’s got to start having a tiny bit of privacy... she’s requested it.

I sighed, looking away from my phone feeling a small tinge of anger. Taking a deep breath I shook my head and replied.

L- Right. I’m sorry. That will be a hard thing for me.

K- As it should be! You’re her brother. Be open to her growth and always remember that if she is in any kind of trouble or danger that I will tell you. That is in the agreement between the three of us, still.

L- Thanks, Kens. I’ll be seeing you later.

-

Harry and I sat three tables behind Elizabeth and Kens on the opposite side of the coffee shop. We were at the table closest to the door, Liz’s request. I was happy that Harry and Kens finally got to meet. She was a tall, thin woman in her late 30’s with natural light strawberry hair down her back. Kens always dressed in dark dress pants with a beautifully colored blouse on top. She wore sandals in the summer and carried a small white handbag. She mentioned to Harry that she’s heard so much about him and then the girls took to their table leaving us alone.

“How are you doing from yesterday?” I asked Harry when we sat down with our own coffees.

“Oh, you know,” Harry sighed and smiled sarcastically, “I’m going to be fine.”

“I hope she’ll be fine,” I said, glancing back at my sister. She was sitting with her feet tucked under her leaning a bit over the table to talk to Kens who had her own feet crossed under her chair. Liz was sipping a medium iced caramel latte, the same thing she got every time, and Kens had a small hot coffee.

“I believe she will be,” Harry nodded.

We both sat there comfortably, scrolling our phones or accidentally singing along to the music that was playing at the same time that ended in laughter. After some time Liz glanced over her shoulder towards us but looked at Harry and then back to Kens who was listening to her but looking at Harry and then Liz.

Harry saw her, gave her a small little smile even, and then looked at me bobbing his head slightly to the music.

-

I looked to Harry over my shoulder and then back to Kens quickly.

“That wasn’t too slick,” Kens giggled under her breath. I returned the laugh and covered my face with one of my hands.

“Now he will know I was talking about him!” I exclaimed quietly.

“It’s alright, he won’t really know,” She reassured me, “Was it a good idea to have him come stay with you guys this summer?” I looked down at my coffee and took a sip before answering her.

“I think it was,” I flashed my eyes to look at her, “I’m just scared that since I’m so far along in this and since I haven’t seen him in over a year that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to see him... as a friend.” I whispered. Kens nodded and tapped her fingertips on the wooden table.

“So, you mean, you’re seeing him as someone you can’t trust anymore?” She asked and I quickly shook my head telling her that wasn’t it.

“You’re looking at him as more than a friend, are you?” She asked me, but she knew the answer to that one. I raised my eyebrows looking a little guilty.

“That’s bad, right?” I asked quietly.

“Not at all,” Kens said reaching her hands across the table to hold onto mine, “It’s normal and very very exciting.” She squinted her eyes to me and smiled.

I glanced over my shoulder again quickly this time and caught a glimpse of Harry sitting with a hand through his hair watching the people outside the window. Liam was sitting on his phone.

“I don’t know what to do, or how to think, it’s been a day since he’s been here,” I started to ramble, “I’m not sure if this is how I really feel or if it is what do I do? Do I tell him? Do I tell Liam?” Kens watched me and waited for me to quiet down.

“Do you want Liam to know this?” She asked me, “Would you like your brother to know if you may or may not like Harry?” I quickly shut down the idea of telling Liam and shook my head giggling.

“No thank you!” I grinned at her, “I just... What if...”

“What if what, Liz?” Kens asked quietly.

“What if it all happens again?” I whispered looking at the table.

“After all this time, do you think he would want to hurt you?” She asked me, “Do you believe Harry would do something like that to you?”

“No,” I whispered so quietly even I could barely hear myself, “He wouldn’t ever hurt me.” I glanced up at Kens and she had a soft smile on her face.

“Don’t rush anything, enjoy your summer with him and your brother and don’t forget about how far you’ve come,” Kens reassured me, “You’re a very strong girl, Liz.”

-

Liz and Kens finished up and walked over to Harry and I. Liz slid into a chair beside me and Kens sat a hand on her shoulder.

“I think this was great,” She smiled, “It was nice to see you boys, and Liz it’s always nice to see you.” Liz smiled and stood to give her a hug.

“Thanks Kens,” I reached out to shake her hand, “We’ll do this again.” Kens nodded then smiled and waved to Harry before walking out the coffee shop door.

“Well?” I asked looking over to Liz.

“Yes?” She responded quietly.

“You all up for a day around the pool?” I asked. Liz and Harry both agreed quickly and with that we were out of the coffee shop.

Our car ride home was all of us singing obnoxiously along to some of Niall’s new music on the radio with Liz singing the background beat. Harry showed off some small dance moves that had Liz laughing so hard. I quieted down just to watch how Harry did it purposely knowing Liz was going to love it. Whenever Harry looked away from her she just gazed towards him and waited for him to turn back towards her.

Before I knew it we were home and Harry was opening the door for my sister, a job that was taken care of by me. We all stepped inside to change and then we found ourselves out by the pool.

Harry was ready to jump in as I was trying to clean the water. Telling him no didn’t stop him, he jumped in any way nearly soaking me. As he was underwater Liz stepped outside with her hair tied in a bun and sunglasses on. She tossed her towel on a chair and slipped off her glasses.

“Where’s Harry?” She asked and I gestured toward the water. He came up and shook his hair around, wiped his hands over his face and looked at Liz.

“You couldn’t wait?” She whined. He just looked at her. “Harry!” She shouted at him, laughing.

“Wow,” He sighed, “I mean. What?” He stammered.

“I tried to stop him, I really did.” I smiled. Liz shook her head and then got a running start to jump into the pool beside Harry. He shouted at the splash and Liz came up laughing, and then I jumped right in on the other side splashing them both as they yelled at me.

We spent that day and evening swimming, eating, laughing and singing and I couldn’t be any happier for my sister. For once her smile felt genuine. So genuine I was certain it was going to stay.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Harry, Liam and I were around the pool all evening. Bags of food, empty cans of soda and a few empty bottles of my brothers favorite beer was all that was left around the patio. I had a towel wrapped around me as I went about the concrete gathering things up. Liam crashed at one o’clock leaving Harry and I to be the ones to clean up.

“He got up again and said he was going to get a shower,” Harry sighed coming outside with a garbage bag, “Then he told me not to worry, that it’s apparently Thursday and that he doesn’t have work tomorrow, so he went back to bed.” I laughed under my breath and shook my head at my brother's drunk nonsense. I could feel my wet hair wrapped on top of my head in a bun get that ache and I knew it had to come down. 

“What time is it Harry?” I unwrapped my towel and put it on a chair then reached up to my hair and unravelled the twist. 

“About two,” He answered.

My hair was still wet but felt dried out from the chlorine. I shook my head side to side and heard Harry gasp.

“Watch it!” He shouted. I whipped my head around as fast as I could to look at him. He had his hands up at his sides looking at me with his eyes wide.

“Did I get you?” I asked quietly, trying to hold back a laugh. He slumped down and gave me a look.

“Did I get you?” He mocked dropping the cans in his hands rushing over to me. I shrieked and ran towards him but just missed his arms purposely.

“Come on!” Harry shouted.

“NO!” I shouted back. I rounded the pool scanning the fence and Harry was around the other side. We stared each other down, neither of us daring to move.

I looked him up and down. His brown curls messy, his green eyes a little bloodshot from the water, his skin tanned, his old shorts from the summer I was eighteen and a smile that could melt my heart.

“You know you wanna move!” He called over to me. Neither of us budged. I cracked a smile. “Bring that little smirk over here!” He waved his hands towards himself. I took a deep breath.

“You come over here mister big shot!” I said. Harry put his hands by his side and shrugged his shoulders.

“Okay,” He said nonchalantly and started to run around the pool. I instantly let out a shout and ran the other way. Harry was catching up to me, cons to having the shortest legs ever, and I started to dive between patio furniture knocking an end table over to knock him off his path. He barreled over it and caught me in his arms pulling me into him.

“I got you!” He laughed squeezing me in.

“Dammit,” I sighed trying to catch my breath. I brought my hands up to rest on his arms that were still crossed around my chest. “I can’t keep up like I’m eighteen anymore.” I said, still catching my breath. Harry still held me the same as when he caught me.

“Well, if you start to dance again you might be able to,” He said. I couldn’t see his face but I knew what he was doing. He and Liam definitely had a conversation about this.

“Don’t start with that,” I started.

“Why not?” He asked immediately.

“Because-“

“Because why? Because you loved it? Because it’s what makes you the happiest?” Harry said softly and held me a bit tighter. I held his arms a little tighter in return. 

“Dance is your love. Your passion. Your drug and I believe you’ve been going through a withdrawal,” He nearly whispered into my ear, “You were the most beautiful dancer I’ve seen. You were driven and hardworking.” His arms came undone and his hands slid up onto my shoulders. My arms fell back by my side.

“I swear I would sing you anything, anywhere if it meant you would dance again.” This time he whispered to me. Chills ran down my back making me take a deep breath.

I didn’t want to move. I knew if I moved he would move and I did not want him to move. The only sound I could hear was that of the pool's filter and the crickets in the grass. I swear I could feel Harry's heart beat on my back and if I could feel his that meant he could feel mine pounding in my chest. We stood like this for a minute but it felt like eternity.

“Turn around,” Harry said. Nerves stirred in my stomach.

“What?” I whispered, my heart rate nearly skyrocketing.

“Turn,” He said more sure of himself. I slowly turned to face him in the grasp of his arms. We looked at each other eye to eye. His face was golden with a bit of pink under his eyes from the sun. He slid his left arm around my waist, his hands brushing over my bare skin. His right hand grasped my left and he held it out to the side intertwining our fingers. He looked to my right hand and nodded for it to come to his shoulder. He looked down to our feet, back to my eyes and then our feet again. I crinkled my eyebrows watching him. He cleared his throat and looked at me again. I finally caught on and put my feet on top of his with a breathy laugh.

“Any requests?” He asked looking all proper towards me with a smile and his chin high. I laughed again and he didn’t budge. I sighed and gave him an answer.

“A Harry Styles original, Sign of the Times,” I said. His smile faltered a bit and his lips parted, “It’s my favorite.” I whispered.

“It is?” He asked.

“Of course. How could your first song not be my favorite?” I answered. He smiled and closed his eyes with a breath. Almost as if he was relieved with my answer. He pulled me a bit closer, started humming before singing and we swayed side to side.

Halfway through his song I was lost in the music. My eyes were closed and it was clear I was leading our movement. Harry pressed our bodies together and I laid my head against his chest. The two of us rocked along to the lyrics that struck my heart in the best way when I first listened to it.

By the end of it I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to melt into this moment forever. The warmth of having him so close and how comfortable and fitting it felt. How safe I felt being in his arms. He slowed his singing and our dance came to a finish. I stayed against him for a moment. He didn’t seem to move either. We paused, both of us taking it in. He then undid our hands and brought his arms around my back and mine found their way around his. He kissed the top of my head and I looked up toward him. I swore he started to come closer until our attention was immediately turned to my left to the sound of a click. We stood in silence listening.

“Maybe it was-“ Harry was cut off by two more clicks that came in a row.

“Harry,” I said so quietly I’m not even sure he could hear me.

“Sh,” He shushed. One of his arms came up around me, his hand holding the back of my head bringing it into his chest protectively. The only thing that moved was his head shifting side to side.

Another click. Then two more. Harry took a deep breath.

“That’s a fucking camera,” He whispered and suddenly started for the door keeping me tucked close to him. My heart rate rocketed again and not in the fun way. We fumbled through the door, he didn’t let go of me, instead he scattered around for his phone and dialed in a number. I could hear it ringing, only once, and then a man answered.

“Matteo I need you here now. There’s someone on the property who should not be here. Thank you,” Harry hung up the phone and looked at me. I stared at him with wide eyes. “You’re going to be okay.” He reassured me.

“Who would even...” I trailed off not even wanting to think about why someone would be on my brothers property at two thirty in the morning.

“Most likely a paparazzi looking for a buck,” He said but could tell his answer wouldn’t soothe my anxiety. I took a deep breath and then one right after. Two breaths turned into four. Then six.

Harry turned me toward him completely and put his hands on either side of my face. I looked into his eyes and felt a tear fall out of mine. He took a deep breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth. He closed his eyes and did it again. My heart was beating faster and faster. He opened his eyes and pressed his forehead down against mine.

“Do it,” He said and he breathed again. I tried to follow him the best I could, “You got it, keep going.” We took eight breaths that I could count before I could feel my feet again and by that time Harry’s phone went off. He didn’t break eye contact with me when he answered it. Matteo was here and had someone else with him. Harry set the phone down and watched me.

“Do you want to be out here when Matteo comes in or do you want to go to bed?” He asked me. I shrugged my shoulders.

“I-I-I don’t know, will you be safe? Is it okay if you go out there or...” I twirled my fingers around. Harry smiled and hugged me.

“I’m going to be okay and I need you to be okay. I’ll take you to your room, you need to go to sleep,” We started down the hallway. Harry intertwined our fingers and we walked in silence. He stopped at my door and opened it for me.

“Thanks for dancing with me,” He smiled and leaned in to kiss the top of my head again. I heard the front door open.

“Thanks for singing to me,” I returned his smile. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” He said.

And with that he went around to Matteo and I could only hear the mumble of their voices. I turned into my room and changed from my bathing suit to a sweatshirt and shorts and slipped into bed. I laid awake for a while listening to the guys. The backdoor opened and closed a few times as did the front door. I heard Harry's laugh a few times and then it fell quiet for a bit. It was in the middle of the noise when I started to drift to sleep, still thinking back to that moment Harry and I shared by the pool. I smiled and closed my eyes letting myself fall asleep.

-

Morning came as fast as the night went. I was woken up again to the smell of breakfast being made. Tossing the covers off of me I hurried to the kitchen hoping Harry may look the way he did yesterday morning. To my subtle disappointment my brother was awake with Harry who was dressed and ready for the day.

“Good morning!” Harry greeted me. I smiled at him and hopped onto a stool right beside my brother. I laid my head on Liam's shoulder and he put his arm around my back.

“Good of you to be up,” I laughed, “You left us early.” Liam shook his head.

“Jokes on me,” He groaned, “I haven’t been hungover in a long time. I blame Harry, this only happens with him.”

“Hey,” Harry said from the stove flipping over a pancake before turning to Liam pointing the spatula at him, “You put that beer in your own hand. This has nothing to do with me.” He turned back to the stove. I laughed at both of them.

“Whatever you say Harry,” He paused, “So before the security breach happened how much of the party did I miss?” I flickered my eyes up to Harry who gave me a side eye barely turning his head obviously signaling me to answer Liam. I took my head off my brother's shoulder and shrugged.

“Not much honestly, we were just trying to clean up,” I said without any excitement in my voice. Harry stifled a laugh. “What happened last night with the... the security... thing.” Liam and Harry went on to explain that Matteo and his partner, Harry's security, patrolled the entire property and came across a paparazzi who was in fact snapping pictures of us since before Liam went to bed. It had gotten so quiet between Harry and I that that was how we heard him. He was arrested but was most likely going to be released right away.

“That's entirely not right!” I exclaimed, “He violated our privacy and completely crossed a line! They just let anyone out of jail regardless of what they’ve done these days I swear.” Liam and Harry shared the same serious look between each other.

“You’re telling me,” Liam shook his head. Harry looked down, flipped the pancakes to a plate and slid them in front of Liam and I. My brother and I both reached for one, bumping hands, and fought for a piece. Neither of us used a plate and instead ate it straight from our hands like we always did since we were kids. Harry watched us and grinned. He reached for a piece and ate it the same way.

“You guys are great,” He cheesed and took a bite.

“So what does...” I started with my mouthful and waited till I finished my pancake, “What do we do from now on? What's changing about security and stuff?”

“Well for starters Matteo and Jack, my security, will be here overnight,” Harry stated.

“I’ve already looked into changing my fencing and gate,” Liam said.

“And new cameras and scanners are coming in,” Harry finished their explanation as if they rehearsed it.

“So no need to worry?” I asked, my eyes widening a bit. Liam put a hand against my back and shook his head.

“That makes me feel a little better,” I nodded.

“A little?” Harry asked.

“Yep. I need a shower and then I’ll be all the way better,” I smiled. They both shooed me away and playfully groaned. I hurried away around to my room and got myself together. I grabbed two towels and a change of clothes before turning out of my room. Starting down the hall I put my things in the bathroom, started the shower and realized I didn’t grab my phone from Liam. I came back out into the hallway and bumped right into Harry.

“Oh geez, I’m sorry,” He said, grabbing onto my arm.

“That’s okay,” I giggled. We looked at each other for a second and just smiled.

“Are you okay?” Harry whispered. I paused before answering, taking in this second.

“Yes,” I nodded, “And I mean that.” My eyes squared in on his and he sighed.

“Get outta here,” I could see him holding back a smile as he pushed my arm away. Turning away from him to go out to my brother I could feel his eyes on me. I glanced over my shoulder and he had a small smile on his face. My heart skipped a beat. It was impossible to think that there was a slight chance he and I were on the same page.

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Two days had gone by since I had to set up some serious security on my property. I was keeping a close eye on my sister who seemed to be doing alright. I had expected this to throw her off or trigger something in her but she was handling it well. Kens called me yesterday to talk about Elizabeth and how she was doing, it was our usual every other day talk. She told me I was doing well with the new rules we set between the three of us.

“This is funny,” I said to her through the phone, “Look who’s getting help now.”

I heard her laugh and take a deep breath.

“It’s quite normal in this type of situation. You need to be alright to make sure she’s alright.”

I sat with my sister and Harry on the couch, we were watching reruns of America's Got Talent. Elizabeth, lounging across the sofa with her feet in Harry's lap, and I were critiquing the contestants. If there was a singer up I would have something to say and if there was a dancer Elizabeth wasn’t shy to shout out corrections. We both laughed at each other the entire time. Harry sat scrolling on his phone. Elizabeth said something to him every now and then and he would just give her a word back, eyes still on his phone.

“Harry,” I said with subtle annoyance in my voice.

“Hm?” He questioned, eyes still to his phone.

“Harry!” I said again a little louder. Elizabeth turned her head to me and sat up a bit looking surprised. Harry lifted Elizabeth’s feet off of his lap and came over next to me to sit down. He showed me his screen. He was scrolling through twitter. There was article after article with our names in the headlines. I took it from him and he sat back putting his hand across his eyes. I opened one that had a picture of my backyard on it. I was swimming with Liz and Harry was sitting on the edge of the pool. My blood started to boil. The article talked aimlessly about how Harry was here and around my sister and I. Elizabeth's name was mentioned many times. More pictures came through of us swimming, one zoomed in to me and one inappropriately zoomed in on my sister. I cursed at it and shook my head. 

I looked to Harry quickly, his hand still over his eyes. Scrolling down further I got to pictures of me going inside, coming back outside and going back in. There were a few pictures of Harry and Elizabeth cleaning up then playing around chasing each other. Beside the fact these photos were taken inappropriately it was nice to see her having fun from the outside. There were a few pictures of them still running and then Harry caught her. And then a photo of him holding her. And then a photo of her turned to hold him. And then a series of photos of them so close. I scrunched my eyebrows together. It looked like they were moving around the patio. A photo of them looking at each other nearly nose to nose. And a photo of them looking in the direction of the camera. I stared at the second to last photo for a second and then handed Harry's phone back to him. He didn’t look at me but he took his phone back. I stared toward him.

“Hello?” Elizabeth asked, sounding annoyed, “I’ve been talking to you both!” Harry and I snapped our necks to her.

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled and I wasn’t sure if he was talking to her or myself.

“What’s going on?” She asked again. I sighed.

“The pictures from the other night have hit the internet,” I said flatly. Elizabeth’s eyes went wide and then she squinted at me. My stomach turned for only a moment. “I don’t know how to feel.” She said quietly.

“That’s okay,” I said in the same quiet tone nodding to her. Then I turned to Harry who was looking right at me with sorry eyes. We shared a second, I took a deep breath and then I nodded to him, “It’s okay.”

Later that night after we finished dinner on the patio in the backyard, Elizabeth asked to see the articles online. I hesitated but knew I had to let her read it. Pulling her phone out of my back pocket I gave it to her. She unlocked it and I watched her tap away. I looked out over my fence and saw some of Matteo’s team making a round around the house. I never felt unsafe in my home, nor did I ever think I would need extra protection here. My home was located in the most hidden hills where I couldn’t even see a neighbor unless I drove three or so miles out. I had been racking my brain for three days now trying to figure out how that paparazzi had gotten here, knew where to go or how we couldn’t see or put together how he even got here. There was no car or trace of transportation. 

I brought my focus down to Elizabeth again who’s eyes were scanning the words and pictures. Her brows were pressed together in the center of her forehead as she scrolled further and further. I quickly looked to Harry who was sitting back in his chair with his arms folded across his chest as he watched her as well, very intently. I still haven’t had the chance to talk to him alone about the photos or what went down that night. I didn’t know whether or not I should even ask if it's not like anything had changed with their behavior. Nothing was weird, nothing was different. They act the same as when he had gotten here. Elizabeth slowed her scroll and her reading. Her face relaxed and the corners of her mouth pulled up the slightest bit, almost nonexistent. My eyes looked to Harry who had taken his bottom lip between his teeth, he was definitely fighting back a smile. He quickly took a breath and shifted in his seat, his eyes looking away from her. He directed his attention out over the fence watching the guys walk around. 

My eyes found Elizabeth again. She locked her phone and slid it across the table to me, avoiding eye contact with her lips pushed into a fine line. She moved only her eyes to look up to me sheepishly. I didn’t change my expression.

“You can... take that back now,” She said slowly. Then she looked to Harry hopefully but he wasn’t paying attention so she turned away. We sat in silence for a minute. “I think I’m a little scared.” She said sure of herself. Harry's head whipped back to look at her.

“We don’t know... where that person came from,” She said shakily, “Or what he could’ve been capable of.”

“He was a forty seven year old loser-“ Harry started.

“Who could’ve done much worse!” Elizabeth raised her voice, “Who’s to say his only intention was photos?”

“Liz calm down-“ I reached out to her.

“No!” She shouted, “That guy knows we’re here! He knows where we live! Who else is he going to tell!” Her eyes brimmed with tears. I pushed my chair back and came next to hers and put my arms around her. She latched onto my body and cried for a moment. Harry was sitting forward in his chair now watching her. I didn’t put together yet what else we had to worry about. I was certain I only had to be concerned about my sister's anxiety and her feeling safe, but now I knew what else I needed to worry about. This was our first altercation here at home with anyone from the outside who wasn’t Harry or security. Elizabeth has only left the house, at max, ten times. And most times she didn’t get out of the car. She was only at the beginning of her healing process and it’s been two years. She only felt better and superior and safe at home, it has been a struggle and a stepping stone process of going out with her. Now suddenly that feeling of being at home was being stripped from her. 

There was no part or thing in my house that was connected to him. No part of him or our past came in. It was a safe space, a new safe space that was only here for us. In fact no one had come in besides Harry or security or our parents now and then. But now that’s been tainted. A part of that shield around us had been cracked. I know where her mind has gone and who has come in. And he is not welcome here.

“The man was in jail for a day,” I said to her resting my chin on top of her head. She quieted her crying but didn’t stop, “He worked for a small company not even close to the size of TMZ,” We all laughed once, “And so what the photos got out. People will see them regardless, but you know who’ll be happy to see them?”

“Who?” She asked with a sniff.

“Your supporters. Your fanbase you know you have but refuse to believe it,” She laughed again with more life behind it. I could see Harry smiling, “They weren’t bad pictures. They were pictures of you looking happy and having a great time with... friends,” I used the word lightly and Harry shifted in his seat again, “And who gives a shit what anyone, and I mean anyone, has to say about them.”

“Well what do you have to say about them?” She asked me, pushing herself out of my arms to look up at me, “Because your opinion matters. And I’m sorry.” I shot her a confused look.

“Sorry for what?” I asked, wiping one of her cheeks, brushing the tears away. She went to speak but only looked away from me. She stared into nothing for a moment, then looked to Harry who was staring at her, then looked back up at me.

“Nothing,” She said. I rest my hands on her shoulders.

“There’s nothing to say about them. They’re some crappy pap photos. I could’ve done better than him,” I stated making her laugh. Harry laughed along with her.

“We’re going to be okay here,” He said, “Matteo is great. I trust my guys to protect you.” Elizabeth smiled at him and mouthed a thank you to him before pulling me into a hug.

We made a point to show Elizabeth around the house and tell her everything she needed to know about the new system and alarm. She was introduced to all of Matteo’s team, and I worried about that because she’s not one to take well to new people, but she held her own and shook all of their hands all while holding onto one of mine.

Once she finally felt alright she said goodnight, kissed my cheek, hugged Harry and then went off to go to sleep.

Harry and I cleaned the kitchen up in total silence. He washed the dishes and I changed the garbage. I wiped the counters down and then sat myself on one of the stools. Harry finished up drying the last plate and turned to look at me, leaning against the counter next to the stove. A safe distance away from me.

“Liam-“ He began but I cut him off.

“Harry I could say a lot of things,” I said looking directly at him. He bit his lip and knew to stay quiet. “You’ve come here to stay for the summer, to see my sister, to catch up with me and to be here to support us through this awful time in our lives.” He didn’t move. 

My mind went back to the year my sister lived with us in the Syco house. The complete opposite feeling of her living with me now. She was young and she was free from life coming to live with me and everyone else. I told those guys to keep a distance. We were all young and just over twenty. Harry only nineteen. We were at the height of our career, the fame and the money, the girls and the parties. I was never one for that kind of life but I knew how to enjoy a drink. When I knew my sister was coming I became the biggest big brother ever. I set my foot down to those guys and let them know their boundaries. They all agreed, barely listening, but Harry sat there with a little devil in his eyes. He knew how to get under my skin. While he was the most respectful, the most polite and the least likely to bring a girl home, he was the biggest flirt. And with knowing my sister would be living in the house, I had to push to the back of my mind the thought of him crawling over top of her. As I left the house that evening to pick up my sister I had the wrong idea of who to worry about, and I didn’t know that until over an entire year later. An entire relationship, the beginning hidden, then out in the open completely changing my sister and who she was, and then the ending. The majority of it hidden. The horrific, disastrous ending that resulted in this life we live now. 

My fear and anxiety now comes from the unknown. That relationship didn’t affect just my sister. I should’ve protected her, I should’ve known. But I didn’t. And she was in danger. With the space treaty between us in place I was scared to death. I started calling it separation anxiety to myself and only said it to Kens once.

“My sister's life is the way it is now because I was in the unknown. Because I was blind,” I said without breaking my eye contact with him.

“That’s not your fault-“ Harry tried to speak.

“Harry, listen! Listen to me!” I shouted. He jumped and folded his arms across his chest looking at me with wide eyes. “I’m sorry,” I composed myself, “My sister's past has affected me in a great way as well. Not as bad as her of course, but I’m still living with pain,” Harry pulled a sad face, “I know you are too.”

“Not like you though,” He said quietly, “I’ve come here for more than just her.” I looked down to my hands.

“Kens has changed our rules. To give Elizabeth more space. More privacy. And that scares me,” I looked back to him. He nodded encouraging me to go on, “I’m really glad that you’re here, but please tell me what happened.” 

Harry uncrossed his arms and came to lean his elbows on the counter closest to me.

“We danced in your backyard,” He said with a smile.

“You what?” I asked.

“We played around like kids, we talked and then I sang to her as we danced around your backyard.” 

I stared at him, shocked. Elizabeth hasn’t really danced in over two years. She was on her studio’s dance team, in their elite company and had the opportunity to dance on television but had that moment taken from her. Since then she hasn’t thought about it. I catch her every now and then start to move to music when it’s playing but she stops as soon as she starts. I’ve never seen her heart go out so big to anything but dance, and that’s gone.

“I started and she took over. I’m honestly not even sure she realized she did, but we were moving. She misses it,” Harry shrugged.

“Yeah,” I sighed, “I’ve talked with her here and there about it but she won’t jump back in.” Harry ran one of his hands through his hair, stood up straight and started to wander around the kitchen.

“She should,” He said frustrated, “She was amazing. She loved it and she’s beautiful.” He turned to me.

“She is, isn’t she,” I nodded watching him carefully.

“She is and I wish she just understood that. I wish I could make her see how truly fascinating she is. How wonderful and exciting she can be, and how I just love her. That the part of her he took away... she needs to know she still has that. It’s still inside of her,” He paused to take a breath. I sat still, in awe, and continued to watch him. He ran another hand through his hair and then brushed both hands across his face and sighed.

“Harry,” I egged on.

“I heard it,” He said rubbing his eyes, “I... heard it.” He lowered his hands and looked directly at me.

“I want you to know that I would never hide anything from you. I swear on her life I will never ever hide anything from you,” He came back close to me and put his hands flat on the cold counter, “I will never hurt her. I will never mistreat her. I will never make her feel the way he made her feel.”

“We’ve said this before Harry, I know,” I said.

“No,” He nearly cut me off, pointing a finger to his chest, “I love her.” He pulled a sad face and shut his eyes. I swore he was going to cry.

“I love her,” He opened his eyes to look at me. I stared back not knowing what to say. Part of me wanted to shut him down, but that wasn’t my move to make. However, I could tell him how it is.

“Do you know what affect that could have on her right now?” I asked him as another hand reached for his face to hold his forehead. His eyes closed as he rubbed it back and forth. After some time he answered me.

“Yes,” He breathed, “I do, and I want you to know I had no intention of coming here to tell her,” His hand found the counter again, “You can tell me I went too far the other night, you can tell me I need to step back. Please tell me what I need to do, but please know that I do not intend to tell her or sway her recovery in any way.”

“Her heart is only so big right now, and her world is so small,” I said watching his eyes look to the counter and he bobbed his head, “You’ve been out living your life, getting together with friends and traveling. She’s been here with me. She can’t go out everyday. She’s begun to only know what this life is like. She’s finally comfortable living this way and when it comes time to break that and move onto bigger steps... I have no idea what that is going to entail or when that will happen.” Harry stayed still, listening.

“What if it’s another two years?” I asked, “What if it’s two weeks? No one will know and no one can tell when that’s going to happen.” I reached a hand across to him and put it on one of his hands. His eyes looked to me.

“I do know that having you here will help her immensely. You bring out a side of her that I just can’t. I’m extremely thankful that you can be here,” I smiled. He pulled away from me, shaking his hair and adjusting his shirt. A smile escaped from him.

“I want her to be better. I want her to heal, and I’ll be there for her every step of the way no matter where I am,” He said.

“I can tell you that she loves you, too. I’m not sure it's the same way, but she does. And so do I, Harry. We’re brothers,” I said to him with a grin.

“We’re brothers,” He held out a hand and we shook.

We pulled a few jokes and stories out of both of us about old times. We sat there for another half hour before heading to bed. I glanced into my sisters room before slipping into mine and I smiled. She was wrapped in her sheets with the hood of her sweatshirt on, sleeping peacefully. She was going to be okay, and I was going to make sure of it.

-

The door to my bedroom creaked open and light poured in from the hallway. Glancing to my clock it read 4:26 a.m. I sat up quickly to find my sister in the doorway barefoot with a blanket wrapped around her.

“You okay?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. She nodded as her feet padded closer to my bed. I pulled my covers down and let her hop in. This is something we haven’t done in a while.

“I just want to lay here for a little bit,” She said laying down beside me pulling her blanket on top of her, “Is that okay?” I shook my head at her.

“It’s always okay,” I smiled and laid back down. My eyes got heavy again and I closed them. I was just about to fall asleep until she spoke up.

“Is it true what Harry said?” Liz whispered from beneath her blanket. My eyes shot open and I turned my head towards her.

“What are you talking about?” I asked at more than a whisper. She peeked only her eyes out to look at me.

“Did he mean what he said about me?” She whispered again. I sat all the way up and adjusted myself to face her.

“What did you hear from downstairs?” We were throwing questions back and forth at one another, “How much did you hear?” I tried to pull her blanket off her face. She snatched it back immediately and kept her face covered.

“I got up to use the bathroom, I could barely make out words, but I heard him tell you we were dancing and then... I think he was talking about me,” She said, her voice still very quiet. I looked down to my fingers and folded them together. I shifted my gaze all around my dark room trying to find the words to say to her. My heart was beating faster than normal and for once I didn’t know what to say to my sister.

“He said he loved me Liam,” She said so quietly that I would need her to repeat herself if we were anywhere else other than my silent room. Looking down at her she had only her face out of the blanket. We stared at each other for what felt like an hour. 

The one thing I didn’t want her to hear and she heard it. The one thing I knew she would not be prepared for or ready to handle. The one thing that shouldn’t be on her mind right now. I had control over this one thing for only a small amount of time, and now she’s heard it, and knowing my sister she’s not going to let it go.

At the Syco house I was an overprotective brother with barely any reason. I tried to have control of it all, and I lost it. My relationship with my sister was crumbling at that time, I was pushing her away as I tried to keep her close. I didn’t like myself much then and it sure was hard for anyone to like me. I wasn’t necessarily everyone's favorite person, and I don’t want to be that person again. I don’t want to stop her from venturing out into the world of love again. I’m not even sure where she stands with it, but I don’t want to be afraid of it. I most certainly don’t want her to be afraid of it either.

“Liam,” She broke the silence. Neither of us spoke. I nodded and encouraged her to go on, “Liam, I think I like him.” My heart fell into my stomach and it felt like electricity flew through my veins. I closed my eyes and let a breath out through my nose.

“Are you sure you aren’t saying that...” I stopped myself before I sounded ignorant.

“Just because I heard him say that he loves me?” She finished my sentence and I gave her a guilty look. I whispered an apology to her and she sighed. “Harry and I have always been close since I can think of... at least in the past couple years. We talk everyday and we get along super well and he’s so nice to me.” I watched her as she spoke. I poked her nose to tell her to continue.

“I feel like I’ve felt this way for some time now, maybe when his album came out,” She said.

“Elizabeth then it's been a year,” I laughed pushing her forehead lightly.

“Yikes,” We both broke into laughter, “I guess I didn’t know I was serious about it until he got here. He’s so much different from when I last saw him.“

“You last saw him just over a year ago I believe,” I said laying back down propping my head up on my hand to listen to her.

“God, Liam,” She cheesed for a minute, gripped the blanket and pulled it back over her face. “He’s so amazing. He makes me feel normal and so... confident.” Confidence is a word we haven’t used about ourselves in a long, long time. Making a mental note to tell Kens immediately at an appropriate time in the morning. Elizabeth pulled the blanket off her and turned her face to look at me. She had no makeup on and her hair was a mess, fanned out behind her head, little curls forming beside her ears. She had a couple freckles on her face from the sun and a dash of sunburn across her nose. This was my baby sister.

“It’s a little scary,” She said, her eyebrows furrowed.

“What is?” I asked, copying her face. 

“Feeling this way about somebody,” She answered, “I know what I’ve been through in life. I know what happened to me. I’m not stupid and I can handle a lot more than I think some people may give me credit for.”

“You talking about me?” I asked, jokingly sounding a bit offended. She laughed.

“No, Liam. I’m just speaking in general, and I may be trying to convince myself too. I know what’s happened to me, and I’m finally understanding what I can handle and what I can’t. When I read stories about women who’ve gone through what I’m going through, their recovery is not as long as mine. Sure the therapy still happens and counseling of course, but they are out and about no issue.” I stopped her for only a moment.

“They are also not people like us. They don’t live the life we do.” I said.

“Of course they’re not celebrities, I wouldn’t even consider myself one,” She scoffed and I rolled my eyes, “But they can handle so much. I want to be able to handle so much. I want to be a stronger person and feel better and do better.”

She rolled onto her stomach and squished the right side of her face into my pillows to look at me.

“I want to be back to normal, but I’m not entirely sure how to do that,” She sighed.

“Me either, Liz, but we can figure it out together,” I smiled tucking some her hair behind her ear.

“And Liam?” She asked, her eyes falling shut.

“Hm?” I answered.

“I want to love him,” She whispered, my breath hitching in my throat, “And I want to be loved by him.”

I didn’t answer her and she didn’t say anymore so I let her fall asleep.

I sat awake for another half hour trying to comprehend the conversation I had with my sister. I went into her phone and found the stories she was reading about women in her situation and she was right. Some women were back and up on their feet right away. Some took a few months, but still got right back into the game. Some were married and some had children. There were only two around my sister's age, and they were out and about soon after. She was completely right and I wondered to myself why it was taking so long to get through this. I knew perfectly well this was not a magic fix and she would immediately be better, I know not all recoveries are the same and I know that PTSD shines through everything. My sister was nowhere near perfect but then again who ever is.

I closed out all of her apps and I caught a glimpse of her home screen before I locked her phone. It was a selfie she and Harry took the day we were out by the pool. She was smiling and he was pulling a face with his tongue sticking out. I smiled at it and looked over to my sister sleeping soundly beside me. I put her phone on my dresser and laid myself down yet again. My clock now read 5:18 a.m. I sighed deeply and closed my eyes hoping to fall asleep before the sun came up.

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Rolling out of Liams bed around nine o’clock, I was staying as quiet as I could without waking him. I ran to my room in a hurry not wanting to bump into Harry. I could hear him from the kitchen, he was singing and cooking. My goal was to shower, get myself ready and get out to Harry before Liam woke up.

About half of that came true. By the time I was heading out of my room looking ready for the day, Liam was heading out of his rubbing his eyes.

“Good morning,” He smiled at me. I smiled back and let him pass me and then took a detour into the bathroom by the kitchen. Liam made it out to Harry and they exchanged greetings. They mumbled back and forth about what was to eat and then laughed at Liams joke about him needing to pay Harry for all the cooking he’s doing. I laughed under my breath and rolled my eyes.

“Is Liz up......heard her?” I heard Harry say.

“Yeah I walked......she should be.....” Liam faded out. I wanted one of them to say something about last night. I wanted to hear just one thing about it, but I knew that was an awkward spot for my brother to be in.

“She came in.....slept there......we talked a bit,” Liam’s voice came in and out.

“Was she doing okay?” Harry came through clear as day. I was only hearing most of his voice. I knew I couldn’t have been wrong about what he said last night. Liam said something to him and I could understand none of it.

“That's a great thing to hear......going to do something?” Harry asked my brother. I wish I could hear what Liam said to him. I left the bathroom and came around the corner looking surprised to see them both there in the kitchen. Like clockwork I hopped onto the stool beside my brother and smiled to Harry who’s eyes lingered on me a bit longer today. Internally I was praying I wasn’t imagining it.

“What’s your plan today, kid?” Harry asked sliding a plate of bacon in front of me with a grin, “That plate is just for you.” He joked and I cheesed thinking of our first morning together last week. Liam's eyes passed back and forth between Harry and I.

“First, don’t call me kid,” I cringed, Harry and Liam let out a laugh, “And I don’t know I was maybe hoping we could go somewhere?” I asked leaving the floor open to either of them. Harry and Liam shared a glance.

“There’s an idea,” Harry said smugly. Liam had told him part of what I was saying last night, “Why don’t we, Liam?” He called out as if my brother wasn’t right at the counter. Liam just shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know,” He said to mine and Harry’s surprise. Both of us turned to look at him face to face.

“Are you okay?” I asked with a pout.

“Yeah,” Liam nodded, “Just woke up with a headache. I think I’ll stay in today, thinking of taking a quiet one.” His eyes looked down at me, sending me a silent message. I smiled at him.

“Okay. Harry and I can go?” I asked again, facing Harry who was already nodding quickly. He crunched a piece of bacon between his teeth and raised his eyebrows pointing the rest of the bacon at me.

“Where shall we go?” He asked with his mouthful. I snatched the other half of the bacon from him and stuck it in my mouth finishing it. He looked at me with sad eyes, dropping his hands down by his sides. I started to laugh but nearly choked on my food which triggered Harry and my brother to roar with laughter. We laughed for a minute and came back with some deep breaths. Harry's eyes fell on me. He wiped his hands across his face and then brushed them through his hair, then licked his lips and leaned over the counter toward me.

“So?” He raised a single eyebrow. I smirked and took in his face. His skin was still golden and his eyes were brighter than ever. His lips were pulled into an inquisitive pout as he watched me too.

“I need a shower,” Liam broke our silence slipping off his stool, “You guys be careful, please?” He pointed to Harry and he nodded at my brother.

“Always,” His eyes turned back to mine, “Alright, miss. Let’s get out there,” He straightened his body out and came around the counter to hold my hand and help me off the stool I was sitting on. He reached into his pocket and pulled my phone out, Liam had clearly given it to him before. He held it out for me to take and I slipped it into the back pocket of my shorts. They were a pair I hadn’t worn in a year. I topped it with a navy blue tank top and a pair of black sandals. Harry was dressed in dark pants and white t-shirt.

“Look at you, all cute,” He grinned as he followed me to the door. I glanced at him over my shoulder and just shook my head trying to hide my blushing face. He beat me to the car and opened the back door for me and let me slide in first. I knew he was perfectly comfortable with driving us but for my sake I knew Liam suggested we have someone else take us around.

“Was this planned?” I questioned, slipping my seatbelt on raising an eyebrow at him once he was in the car beside me. He let out a heavy breath that I suppose was a muffled laugh.

“You were the one up and ready to go,” He cocked his head looking at me suspiciously, “I believe you knew and just followed along.” I scoffed and nudged his arm away from me.

“I did not know!” I defended myself. Harry smirked and shook his head, again his eyes lingering on me longer than before.

We stopped at the coffee shop before we went anywhere else. Harry opened the door for me, after looking around the spot of course, he then held my hand helping me out of the car. We ordered our drinks, Harry paid, and then we hopped into a booth toward the back of the shop. When Harry's name was called he got up, grabbed our coffee and came back to me.

“Thank you,” I said, taking a long sip.

“Goodness,” Harry joked watching me, “You love it don’t you?”

I nodded obnoxiously, “My favorite. Iced caramel. Liam picks this up for me a lot.” Harry gave me a soft smile and took a sip of his.

“I’m thinking maybe I could come out by myself soon and get it for myself,” I told him. Harry's eyes lit up.

“Really?” He asked, sounding excited, “That’s great.”

We went on to talk about what else I could possibly do alone or with him, and the list got longer and longer. Harry watched me as I spoke.

We finished the coffee and went on our way back into the car. As soon as we got comfortable a familiar tune sounded from the radio.

“Oh boy,” Harry said flatly right away following it with a chuckle. His song Kiwi was coming through the speakers. I gasped loud, jaw falling open, “No, no, no.” Harry grinned as I leaned in to shake his arm.

“I’m having your baby!” I shouted along with the song starting to swing my hair around. I asked for it to be turned louder. Harry watched in shock.

“It’s New York baby, always jacked up! Holland Tunnel for a nose is always backed up!” Harry joined me and I shook my shoulders to every beat. His eyes stayed on me.

“It’s getting crazy! I’m having your baby!” I continued to sing along.

“This is great,” He clapped his hands together before falling forward in complete laughter.

“She sits beside me like a silhouette,” I slowed down and gripped his arm, “Hard candy drippin’ on me till me feet are wet,” I closed my eyes and held a hand to my chest dragging it up along the side of my face, “And now she’s all over me it’s like I pay for it,” I ran a hand through my hair, whipped it around, “It’s like I pay for it,” I opened my eyes to look at him. He sat there with his jaw slightly open watching me. I giggled at him and watched him as well. The song played out to the end and I rocked out to every second. The radio was then turned down. He glanced down at my hand still holding onto his arm. I quickly pulled it back.

“That was incredible,” He stated. I sat back in my seat and bit my lip. His eyes still haven’t turned away. I turned mine back and shot him a sly look.

“Some songs just make me move,” I shrugged, “And most of the time it’s when no one is looking.” My heart skipped a beat at the words that just left my mouth. I could feel heat rising to my face so I looked out the window before he could notice. I noticed he never turned away from me. We sat quietly humming to the radio for a while until we stopped in front of a record store. We were in the center of the city now, I hadn’t even realized how far out we’ve come. I sat up straight and my body went stiff.

“Alright to go in?” Harry asked softly. I hesitated before agreeing.

“We can wait a minute,” He said, but I shook my head, unbuckled myself and went to open my door, “My god, wild child.” He jumped out his side at lightning speed. I stepped onto the sidewalk as Harry came to my side. I looked in both directions and saw minimal people, so I started for the door and Harry followed letting me take the lead. The door opened with a jingle and the older woman, maybe in her fifties, at the counter looked up to us and smiled.

“Hey kids! How are ya?” She asked. I reached back for Harry as I returned her smile.

“We’re great, and you?” He sounded so charming. He put his arm around my shoulder as he finished his conversation and guided me through the store. The aisles were skinny but the racks were tall, almost taller than Harry. He fell behind me again and placed both hands around my shoulders. We wandered for a while, about half an hour, and I listened to Harry talk to me about his favorite artists. Whenever we came around to one that I liked I pointed it out to him. He would ask me questions about them and listened intently sounding completely intrigued with what I had to say. We were strolling through the E-F-G section when we both excitedly reached for Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors.

“Whoa!” We said at the same time. I playfully pushed his hands away and snatched the record up.

“Okay, okay,” He groaned, reaching into his pocket for his phone. He held up his camera, “Smile for me,” He breathed.

His camera snapped and I could tell he was sending it to someone.

“Excuse me,” I said a bit annoyed, “Who is that for?” I stood to my tip toes to try to read his phone. He held it high where I couldn’t see it at all. Slouching down I pouted and looked up at him.

“It’s just Stevie,” He shot me a wink.

“Harry!” I shouted and he shushed me right after.

“Record shops are chill, don’t shout, everyones high,” He whispered in a mocking serious tone making us both fall into a fit of silent laughter. I took a much needed deep breath and blew it out louder than expected making us crack up once more. I held my stomach and leaned into Harry's chest, both of us trying to calm down. He held the back of my head and took a few breaths and contained himself. I came back as well and looked up at him. We were both still cheesing, I just couldn’t get my smile to go away. Harry’s fell a bit as his eyes scanned my face.

“You look beautiful,” He sighed. My smile faded slowly and my eyes softened. Harry's phone vibrated and he pulled away a little to peek at it.

“Ha, Stevie thinks so too,” He grinned at me. I pinned a hand to my face and hid my geekiness. His hands found my shoulders again as we paraded around some more. We snaked up and down every aisle and finished the alphabet. Harry had a decent stack of records in his hands. He kept talking to me about needing extra inspiration for his second album. Coming to the front of the store the woman at the front smiled at us again. 

“You want to go to the car or wait here?” He asked me. I glanced out the window and saw a few girls outside the door, Harry saw them as well. He knew I would stay inside so he shot me a wink and waltzed up to the woman to pay for his proud findings. I wandered over to a basket of clearance records on the wall across the store. I flipped through it aimlessly admiring the different album art. I flipped all the way to the last one and it surprised me. It was a vinyl copy of One Directions first album, Up All Night. My eyes scanned across all five of their faces. All of them smiling, obviously extremely proud of their work. I giggled under my breath at how young Harry looked, even my brother. My eyes became stuck on one face and he was sitting right next to Harry. 

I can remember those days. When my brother brought all of them home during the filming of XFactor. How I felt like an absolute child around them because I was only fourteen. I remember crushing on him for a while, but letting it go. I had thought I wasn’t good enough for him so I stopped pining after him. Not that a seventeen year old would think to like me. Harry and I got on really well, we were the closest in age, he was sixteen and our ages overlapped by half a year. When I turned fifteen he turned seventeen a few months after so it was just a chase of growing older. After XFactor was over and they went to record the album I fell out of touch with some of them for a while. I remember barely getting to see my brother, but by then the majority of my time was taken up by dance.

Still staring at the album cover I didn’t even hear Harry walking towards me. He hooked an arm around my neck.

“What are you gawking at?” He questioned, “Oh man,” His voice fell dramatically and I couldn’t help but laugh at it.

“Feels like ages ago,” I said.

“Yeah,” Harry agreed, “Thank god!” He exclaimed, continuing the dramatic facade. I playfully hit him in the chest and turned to leave the shop, but he stopped me before I could go any further. His arm snaked around my waist.

“You okay?” He motioned toward the album still sitting out in the open.

“Yes,” I reassured him, “I am. At least I need to be.” He cocked his chin up at the end of my sentence.

“Aha,” He grinned.

“Stop,” I rolled my eyes and tried not to smile, “Let’s go.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the door. He came around me to make sure he held the door for me, but also made sure he went outside first.

“You take care of that one,” The woman behind the counter winked at Harry. He waved to her.

“I always have,” He called back and then walked me to the car. I kept my cheesiness at what he just said to myself and got back into the car.

As we pulled away from the store Harry was fiddling around in the bag that had all the records in it. He pulled out four and handed them over to me. Surprised, I took them from him. The one on top was a Queen record. I gasped.

“Harry,” I whined. I looked at the other three. A Rolling Stones record, a Led Zeppelin record and on the bottom was Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors. I stared at this one for a moment. Harry wasn’t paying attention when I turned my gaze to him.

“Harry?” I whispered, poking his leg.

“Hm?” He snapped out of his thoughts.

“Why’d you do this?” I put my hands on top of the records. His eyes went from the records, to my eyes, then back to the records.

“They’re your favorites. Everyone needs their favorites on vinyl,” He explained without a bigger reason behind it. I understood him, nodded and stacked them back together. I could still feel his eyes on me, but when I went to look at him he turned away. My emotion started to get the best of me and I couldn’t help it or stop myself. I leaned over the seat and kissed his cheek and thanked him. He was surprised, I swear his cheeks went pink. He bit his bottom lip and kept his attention forward. I directed mine out my window and laid my head back.

Harry brushed a hand across his face and pushed it through his hair. He cracked a smile and shook his head.

The rest of the day was spent in and out of pointless stores, and going into different ice cream shops just to try flavors. We took the time to figure out who had the better chocolate and Scoops for Two came through with the win. Harry pulled me into a guitar place and tried to get me to play an instrument. I fought him but decided I’d try the drums, and boy did Harry regret that. I was banging on them like there was no tomorrow not caring what anyone thought. He took a video as he was laughing.

“That better not go to Stevie!” I shouted over my horrible noise.

“If you don’t stop it just might!” He threatened and I jumped off that seat as fast as I could.

We stopped for some food at a new place that popped up while I was holed away at home. Harry had only been there once but they knew his name, and the girl at the counter had no problem flirting with him. He just ordered politely and held onto my hand. Again we found a booth in the back away from any future commotion and our food was brought to us.

I dove into my fries straight away.

“Are you having a good day?” Harry asked me full of life. I widened my eyes and smiled with a mouthful of fries.

“Good is an understatement,” I told him once my mouth was empty. He smiled back at me, his mouth full now.

“I feel so great,” I said, putting a hand on my chest. I closed my eyes and shook my head, “I’ve missed so much. In the city and just life in general.” 

I went on and on about the things we did and what we saw. How far away from the house we had travelled and how I realized I could control how I felt. We talked about the things we could still do. Harry went on to tell me how much we had left to see, the parks and the paths through the woods where you could see the flowers and stroll in the sunshine. 

“I’d love to go,” My chin was sitting in my hands and my elbows were propped on the table.

“It’s only the end of June. We have all summer,” Harry smized. He was leaning forward against the table too.

“Want to get out of here?” He sat back and raised his eyebrows. I nodded and we were up and out in a minute.

Driving towards home Harry and I sat closer in the backseat, and we had returned to our conversation of the things we could do. He talked again about the walks and how far you could go and the peace you would feel just from the sounds of the birds and the feel of the breeze against your skin. I was gazing at him with such adoration. His mind was beautiful and so complex. The way he used his words and the way he would speak was enough to make you melt into the floor, especially when his voice fell deep. Our arms were brushing up against each other as if we were trying to occupy the same space.

“Can we walk from here?” I cut him off sharp. He turned to me in question. I knew we were almost home, from where we were we had 10 minutes left in the car. 

“Course,” He agreed and we pulled off to the side of the road, “No need to stay with us, we’ll make it.” Harry thanked our driver who stayed with us all day and shut the door. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, taking in the summer air. We were on a quiet road, not too many cars or people around this area.

“It feels so good to be outside,” I said quietly.

“It’s the best,” Harry smiled watching me, “Shall we?” He held out his hand for me to hold and we started in the direction for home. 

“I don’t want to seem inappropriate or anything to tell you this, but you had a great day,” Harry said to me as we walked side by side, our arms still pressed together.

“Not inappropriate at all, I agree with you,” I answered.

“Like... you... you were just-“

“Is Harry Styles at a loss for words?” I teased faking a panic. He groaned audibly and laughed at himself. We strolled by a small park no where near the size of the ones Harry was talking about, but I pulled him in towards it anyway.

“Liz, it’ll be dark soon,” He said, trying to pull back.

“It’s what, seven thirty? We have like forty five more minutes of sunlight let’s not waste it,” I pulled a little harder and he gave in shuffling towards me.

“Who is this girl?” He exclaimed, “Is this Liz?” He asked playfully.

“Yes,” I paused and looked to him with fire in my eyes.

“I haven’t seen this side in a while,” He reached for my shoulder and pulled me into his chest.

“She’s coming back,” I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him. I threw my arms around his shoulders and behind his neck and he slid his around my waist to my back. I took a breath and my heart started to beat faster. My eyes were glued to his and this time I couldn’t break away. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to mine. Around us once again, the sound of crickets and our soft breathing. The world moved in slow motion. I was stuck where I was unable to move hoping to God he was going to say or do something.

He suddenly tilted his head slightly to the side and came closer barely brushing our lips together before he pressed them against mine. My heart erupted into flames, my hands slid up into his hair as he held me tighter. He pulled away for a second.

“My god,” He breathed heavily before pressing his lips to mine once more. I felt myself fall completely into his touch as his hands moved around my waist. I slid mine down to his neck, our lips still moving together. My thumbs graced his cheeks softly and my palms wrapped the sides of his neck.

Harry pulled away again after another minute or two. There was no way either of us could tell time right now.

Our eyes met. I looked to him in awe and he returned it.

“Don’t stop,” I whispered and we both smiled softly. My heart fluttered at his little laugh as he watched me. He reached a hand up to my face and leaned down to kiss me once more.

“We have to go,” He said quietly as if someone were to hear him. I pouted my bottom lip and he scrunched his nose.

“Okay,” I sighed, grabbing a hold of his arm and putting it around my back. We walked back in comfortable silence, my head resting on his chest bobbing along with our steps.

“Hey,” I looked up at him and tugged on his shirt. He focused down on me.

“Yes?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Can we do it again?” I shot him a goofy smile and he laughed out loud then leaned down to kiss the top of my head.

“That’s not gonna cut it,” I shot him the goofy smile again and got him to laugh again.

“Oh no, I’ve created a monster,” He shook his head as I laughed at him mercilessly.

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

Laying down across my couch the tv played meaningless sitcoms as I scrolled through my phone. Twitter was alive as I interacted with some of my fans, and I watched the trending hashtags closely like I usually did.

Some people were tweeting questions about my sister, about my sister and Harry and about my sister again. 

Her name hadn’t been out in the world this huge since it happened. She was posted all over social media, her face across nearly every magazine in the world and trashy articles were written about her left and right. There were a few that steered away from it and supported her, and I personally reached out to those companies to thank them and to help them work on any future projects.

Now that Elizabeth had been spotted three times in the same month, the world didn’t know how to act.

What happened to my sister didn’t die down until a year after it happened. She went into hiding, we put her into hiding, and made sure she was completely out of the public eye.

A new tweet popped up to the top of my feed.

@julesstevens798: your sister sure knows how to run through your group of friends huh. #liampayneqanda

I stared at it for a moment and watched as a few replies followed it. 

@onedxalways54: Shut up!!! U dont know her or them!! Leave her alone. She went through serious shit.

@julesstevens798: so she gets to whore around again with another one direction guy?! seems messed up to me. isnt she fucked up in the head anyway!?

I wanted to block her and throw my phone away, but instead I refreshed the page. Torturing myself some more.

@camcam_ryannn: @julesstevens798 And Harrys entire album was about Kendall who are we kidding. One D Always can shut her mouth. Harrys just looking for a fuck. #liampayneqanda

@julesstevens798: @camcam_ryannn and easiest way to get it is to use someone mentally unstable!!!! LOL!!!!

@camcam_ryannn: @julesstevens798 I bet she knows what shes doing too. How long has it been shes had sex am I right?!?!?

@julesstevens789: @camcam_ryannn lol girl, who knows where shes been and who shes been with!!!! they probably all slept with her when she lived with them before!!! probably why she moved in!!!

I stopped myself from reading the thread between those two girls and tossed my phone to the side. I buried my face into my hands and let out a scream. Something I could only do when I was completely alone. My heart was on fire and I could feel it through my entire body. I jumped up and paced around my living room. I tried reminding myself that those people online really have no idea what they’re talking about. They don’t know what's on the inside. They don’t know how many nights I held my sister as she cried herself to sleep. 

How two years ago I found her lying on my kitchen floor in a ball screaming to herself that she did this to herself with tears streaming down her face. I couldn’t get her up on my own, I could barely hold myself together but I knew I had to for her sake, so I called Harry. By the time he got to my house Elizabeth was sitting up with her face against my kitchen cabinets still sobbing as I tried to hold onto her. Harry ran through the front door, leaving it open behind him, and threw himself to the ground in front of her. He tried to grab onto her hands and she fought him away.

“Don’t touch me!” She shouted at him, “Don’t come near me!” Harry sat back and watched her. He looked all over her and closed his eyes.

“Elizabeth,” He said in a soft voice. She didn’t acknowledge him, “Elizabeth.” He said again, opening his eyes.

“Stop!” She shouted covering her ears. I sat back leaning against the cabinet next her and covered my face trying my hardest to hold back my tears. “Go away,” She demanded, “Go!”

“I’m not leaving,” Harry said in the same tone he spoke in before.

“Please! Leave!” She shouted, sliding her body down to lay completely on the floor where she was before. “You shouldn’t be here,” Her voice got quiet but still she cried. I looked up to Harry who was looking at me with a sad expression and he quickly returned his attention to my sister. “I shouldn’t be here,” She said quickly and stopped her crying abruptly.

“What are you talking about?” Harry asked, maintaining his gentle voice. Normally I could handle myself in a situation like this, but it never got this bad. My hands were shaking as I sat beside my sister unable to comfort her. She sat up and glanced around the room, not looking at me or Harry.

“I shouldn’t be here,” She whispered. Her lips were red, her eyes were bloodshot and her skin was pale and washed out. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her hair was in the same matted bun it's been in for weeks. It’d been a month since we’d been home from the tour.

“I don’t... deserve this,” Her hands started to shake. She tucked her knees into her chest, “I don’t deserve him, he’s so much better without me. I don’t deserve to be here, to have you or anyone,” She looked to me with sad eyes, “Why is life worth it, why should I even try?” I reached over to hold onto her hands a bit too fast and she flinched, jumping away, pinning herself to the cabinet with a crash. She stared at me with her eyes wide open. My hands, still out in the air, fell to my lap and I cried.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I said clearly, “You know me, you know who I am. I’m not going to hurt you.” She stared at me, her eyes still wide, and she watched me cry. We sat that way for a minute.

“No,” She said and swiftly stood up and hurried away from the both of us. Harry jumped up and chased after her. I took a deep breath and got up to follow them. When I turned into the bathroom where they were, Harry had my sister in his arms. He had his back pressed against the shower with Elizabeth facing away from him sobbing into her arms mumbling something I couldn’t even understand. Harry, still somehow staying strong, nodded at me and closed his eyes for a second.

“We have to take her,” He whispered and she sobbed again clearly shouting and disagreeing with him into her arms. I let more tears fall, swallowed my pride and left to grab the car keys.

Harry carried her out to the car clearly strong enough to resist her fighting and he held her against him in the backseat. No one spoke until the car was in park. Liz had stopped crying and uncovered her face to look at Harry. He gave her a soft smile. She sat up, looked out the window and let out a staggered breath.

“You should just leave me here,” She sniffled and wiped her face with her sleeves.

“We won’t be doing that,” Harry said firmly. She looked at him, then to me, then to Harry and began to cry again.

“Come on,” She fell back toward his chest and with that we brought her out of the car and into the hospital and stayed with her there overnight.

I fell back into the sofa and sunk into the cushions directing my attention to the TV. I did tap on my phone once to check the time. It read 8:07. I frowned at it, crossed my arms over my chest and looked at the TV again. Tapping my right foot against the floor I did my best to fight the urge of calling Harry. He and my sister had been out since about 10 o’clock this morning. He told me they’d be home before the sunset, but that timeframe was quickly coming to a close. I hadn’t heard from either of them all day. I had actually planned for nothing to do today for the sole purpose of being free to answer my sister's calls, but I assume she’s fine. The moment I reached for my phone ready to call him, the front door swung open. Harry waltzed in with my sister under his arm and they were laughing. I watched them quietly. Elizabeth twisted herself around and wrapped her arms around Harry's back, her face in line with his chest. He was incredibly taller than her. Her chin was tilted up and she was smiling at him. His arms fell around her as he smiled back and touched his forehead to hers. He whispered something to her and she blushed. He whispered to her again and she grinned. Their eyes never parted.

She said something to him and he took a second to answer. Whatever he said to her made her frown, but he quickly said something right after to make her laugh. She pushed him away shaking her head.

“Harry!” She nearly snorted. I clicked the TV off and their heads turned to me in shock, both their mouths fell open.

“Hi,” I said happily and a little uneasy. Elizabeth hesitated a moment but then she hurried her way in the living room to hop on the couch beside me. Her face was glowing and her smile was beaming. Her hair and makeup weren’t as done up as they were when she left this morning, but she looked beautiful. She leaned into me for a hug. Pulling her in I saw Harry over her shoulder watching us with his hands in his pockets. He gave me a small smile, and I pulled away from Elizabeth before I thought about returning it back to him. My mind still influenced by Twitter.

“How was your day?” I asked giving her my full smile and attention. Harry looked unsure to me as he slummed his way around the other couch to sit down. My eyes didn’t deter from my sister. Elizabeth talked for fifteen minutes about the day they had, Harry chiming in now and then to answer her questions and to clarify things for me. The coffee they had, the records they bought, the hats they tried on, the drums that she played, the ice cream project and the dinner they ate.

“I asked if we could walk the rest of the way home once we passed the line of our neighborhood,” Her eyebrows raised.

“You know where that is?” I questioned pulling a face. She nodded.

“Course I do. I don’t forget Liam,” She poked a finger to my chest, “We got out of the car and walked,” She sighed, her eyes closing, “The air was wonderful. To be outside at that hour surrounded by nothing but green.” Glancing to Harry, his elbow was on the arm of the sofa with his head resting in his hand. He was gazing at her with a smile.

“It was so... ethereal.” She let out a breath as if she’d been holding it in. Harry and I were both surprised by her choice of words.

“You’ve been spending too much time with him,” I joked pointing to Harry. Elizabeth covered her mouth and laughed. She looked over her shoulder at Harry, the two of them smiling, and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. I cleared my throat gently to break the silence and Elizabeth turned to me.

“I think I might go call Kens, is that okay?” She asked. I looked at her confused.

“You don’t have to ask,” I told her, “Are you okay?” My mind trickled back to Twitter.

“Yeah!” She breathed, “I just want to tell her about today that’s all.” Her smile was still on her face. Harry and I both let her go off to her room. Harry watched her all the way until she turned the corner of the hallway.

“So,” I started and waited for him to look back at me. I took a much needed deep breath, “It was a good day, yeah?” Harry sat forward, elbows to his knees, and looked me in the eye.

“You have the greatest sister,” He said, his voice quiet, “She and I had the best day I’ve had in quite some time. Unbelievable to think of where she was just last year, mentally.” The use of that word threw my mind for a spin. I looked down at my feet and continued to listen.

“She ventured much longer than I thought she was going to. I thought after the record store we would’ve been done and coming back,” He scoffed, “I was very wrong.” I nodded along my eyes looking at him again.

“Liam,” He leaned forward a tiny bit more, “She was singing in the car, she was dancing to the music in the car, she was acting like she was when she was eighteen.” His voice was low. A smile snuck onto my face.

“I couldn’t tell you what’s happening,” I said truthfully, “She’s...” My voice trailed off.

“Getting better,” Harry finished my thought. We looked at each other with a smile before his fell. He sat back on the couch and looked at his lap. He looked like he had something to say. Now was my time to lean forward, elbows to my knees. His eyebrows were low as his eyes flickered to find mine.

“What?” I asked softly with a hint of big brother in it. Harry licked his lips and took a breath.

“We kissed in the park on the way home,” He spoke guiltily softly. I felt a tinge of anger. As a brother you don’t really want to hear those things about your sister especially from one of your good friends, and with the situation we’re in here at home I didn’t know how to take it. We sat in silence. The sound of Elizabeth's feet came barreling down the hallway. Harry and I both sat up straight to see her. She hightailed her way into me and nearly fell on top of me.

“Kens!” She exclaimed, “She’s so happy! She’s calling you tomorrow, Liam. I feel so great,” She held her chest breathing heavily, “Gosh, I can’t catch my breath.” She groaned, immediately looked to Harry and the two of them shared a laugh.

“Alright, well tell her I’m looking forward to it,” I grinned. She said goodnight to Harry and I, and popped her phone into my hands without thinking twice about it and walked back toward her room.

“I was on twitter not too long ago,” I started. Harry's head turned to me, “And I read some things I didn’t need to read.”

“Oh no, Liam,” Harry giggled a bit, “Don’t you remember the first rule from media training!” He joked and I could remember those days of sitting in a room for hours learning the ways. I talked over my laughter.

“I do, trust me, but as a brother I had to forget that rule.”

“How long ago was it on there?” Harry asked, pulling his phone out.

“Harry, you don’t have to-“ I started to say but he found it quick. He pulled a face.

“No, no,” He stated. His eyes continued to read and they shot open wide, “This is disgusting!” He shouted. I shushed him for Elizabeth’s sake.

“I know. It’s terrible,” I agreed. Harry tossed his phone on the coffee table not even bothering to lock it.

“Alright Liam Payne Q and A,” He scooted to the end of the couch he was on to get closer to mine, “What do you have to say about them, because I know something is coming.” Harry squinted his eyes. I know he’s waiting for me to get angry, and for me to throw a fit. He’s waiting for me to blame him. To put all of this on him as if he wrote those tweets himself because that’s what I used to treat this stuff. I brought my hand to the back of my neck and shook my head.

“It’s not her’s, nor is it your fault those tweets were written,” I said. Harry scoffed, telling me I was right, “It just makes me upset that people could think those things about her... and you.” Harry shrugged.

“That’s been our lives, Liam,” He explained, “Every person we’re seen with, every place we go, everything we say. All of it is always twisted, always pulled out of proportion. Everything everyone knows about us is not even half true.” 

“Yeah,” I bobbed my head.

“Don’t let teenagers on twitter affect you or your life. You’ve come so far with your sister and you know her heart. You know who she’s been with and where she’s been. Right?” He schooled me.

“Right,” I answered.

“Right!” He exclaimed, “I kissed your sister, but I swear I won’t do it again nor will I lay a finger on her until I know you’re going to be okay.” He stated looking me straight in the eye. I could see the heat in his face, the passion behind his words. He spoke from his heart, he always has. With everything in me I trusted him. He’s stuck with us for so long, and he keeps coming back. He comes back to see her. He came back to help me take care of her on multiple occasions. Looking at our past it was clear his heart was always there at the frontline. He was just about to leave me and I stopped him in his tracks.

“Harry,” I said, lifting a hand to make him pause. He sat back down and waited. Folding my hands together I held them on top of my forehead, “I think... you need to...” Harry shook his head and shot me a crazy look.

“What?” He asked in a funny voice.

“I think you need to let it happen,” I said looking him in the eyes. He stared back at me in shock, and I could tell he had a smile in there somewhere.

“Really?” He whispered, not making a move.

“Yes,” I answered swiftly ignoring the darker side of my mind, “It’s clear you’re both... in love.” I had searched for another word to use but there wasn’t one. 

“She is?” He was still whispering and had barely moved.

“Oh, she hasn’t said anything?” I questioned, but smirked, knowing what I just did.

“No, neither of us said anything.”

I ran a hand under my chin and nodded.

“Interesting,” I said mysteriously. Harry still sat there frozen staring at me, “Harold, get it together.” I laughed, clapping my hands together. He didn’t move but his smile grew larger and larger.

“Thanks Liam,” He said, and with that he left the room and started down the hall to his room. He and Elizabeth both turn left at the end of the hallway to get to their rooms, and I’m the only one who makes a right. Letting that information marinate in my brain for a moment, it actually didn’t bother me as much as I thought it was going to. He got to the end and I’m pretty sure I watched him fist bump himself a ‘hell yeah’ as he turned the corner. I found my phone and held it up to unlock it. I immediately swiped out of twitter and into my messages where I had two waiting for me from Kens.

K-Evening! It seems as though our girl has had a lovely day. I’d like to call you tomorrow for you and I to chat a bit about it.

K- Elizabeth told me you were okay with a call. I’ll be in touch tomorrow!

I didn’t bother to explain why I hadn’t answered, she knew I was home with Elizabeth and Harry. I sent her a thumbs up emoji, locked my phone and started for my bedroom. Glancing to my left when I got to the end of the hallway, Harry's door was shut but my sisters was open. She always left her door open at night. I stepped to it quietly and peeked my head in. Instead of curling up into a ball like she usually did, she had both her hands over her head and she was laying on her back with her knees tucked in. She looked insanely at peace. I blew her a kiss and went to bed.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Three days had passed since Harry and I spent a day out together, and since then I had driven myself out once to grab coffee alone and then once more with Liam beside me. Nothing more happened with Harry and I except for a few winks and lingered hugs. My brother seemed to always be around and there was no possible way to not be obvious. Harry and I hadn’t even talked about it since that night. When it seemed that Harry and I could be in a situation, my brother conveniently left the room, but nothing happened.

It was the third night after and I was laying on my bed talking to Kens on the phone.

“You can tell me again,” She teased. I was laying on my back with my head nearly hanging off the edge.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bore you with it,” I cheesed and covered my eyes with my hands.

“Never! Give me some excitement in my life,” She said eagerly. I took a breath.

“We walked into the park and it was like the world stopped turning, Kens. Nothing existed but me and him in that moment. He held me so gently, and when he kissed me it was as if it was built up for years. My fear was, like, washed away and my heart reached out to him...” My voice trailed off.

“You still alive over there?” Kens joked.

“Yes!” I squirmed and smiled, “I’m waiting for him to say something about it, though.”

“So why don’t you say something?” Kens suggested. I bit onto one of my fingers and thought to myself. That was certainly something I could do, but finding the right words would be tricky.

“I’ll do it,” I decided. She told me how exciting it was, then we said goodbye and hung up the phone.

Sitting up on my bed I hopped to the floor and stood in front of my mirror. I only put on mascara today and my hair was not done, it was just hanging at my shoulders naturally. My poor excuse for freckles were popping out courtesy of the sun, and I felt good. It was the end of the day so I was lounging in a white tank, dark joggers and black socks. Nothing spectacular but I didn’t feel there was a need to change. Liam and Harry were in the kitchen, I could hear their voices from the hallway so I made my way out there.

“Hey,” My brother smiled at me. Harry smiled too, his eyes scanning me up and down. Liam was in his spot and Harry was on the end of the counter leaning over scattered pieces of paper. I peered my head between them both to catch a peek.

“What are we doing?” I asked. Liam told me it was plans for Harry Styles 2 and gave Harry the floor. I looked at him intrigued.

“Well,” He began, “It’s a plan so nothing is set in stone yet. I don’t set anything in place till the last minute usually.” Liam laughed and chimed in agreeing with him.

“Guys I’m gonna head to bed,” He said getting out of his seat. He ruffled my hair and pushed my head lightly. Harry and I both shouted a goodnight to him and he was off down the hall.

“So what’s your plan?” I stepped a little bit closer to him messing with the papers a bit. Harry looked at me and then at the scribbled writing. He told me he had written two songs already that he knew for sure would be on the album.

“Lights Up and Adore You,” He said with a small smile, “Quite happy with them.” He spoke from his chest and I felt a chill run through my veins. It hit me hard and goosebumps rose on my bare arms.

The next moment flew by at light speed.

“Ooo!” I held my arms in, rubbing them together.

“Are you cold?” He asked, reaching for me.

“No,” I shook my head looking at him, “Can we talk?” And before either of us could say another word he reached his hands behind my head, through my hair and pressed his lips against mine. I slid my hands around his back gripping onto his t-shirt. We moved together with such greed it was clear that we were both waiting for this. He was the first one to pull away and I let out a soft noise expressing my disappointment.

“Liz,” He whispered.

“Stop,” I brought a hand around to his front and grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him back in. He pulled away once more.

“Harry,” I whined.

“You wanted to talk,” He laughed, his hands sliding their way down my back. I reached up to hold his face and squished his cheeks and pecked his lips.

“This does it,” I whispered against them.

His arms grasped my body and he picked me up with ease. I shouted, surprised, but it was muffled by his lips. He carried me to the living room and laid me down on the couch, hovering over me. He placed a hand beside my head and his other was still moving up and down along my side. My hands held behind his neck and moved to his shoulders every few moments. Within the sound of our breaths and his touch I could feel a fire start to burn in the center of my body. I pulled my knees in, both of them resting on the left and right sides of his torso. He smiled on my lips and paused.

“Talk to me, please,” He whispered and started kissing along my jawline.

“Harry,” I sighed, my eyes closed, “What are we doing?” His lips traveled down to my neck.

“We’re currently on the path to a destination we should not reach...” He said between kisses to my skin, “...tonight.” He clarified and I sighed giving him a silent laugh I knew he felt. I held his face once more and pulled his lips back to mine and I kissed him slowly, and then did it again even slower. He placed a hand to my chest and gently pushed me down as he tilted his chin up with his eyes shut.

“Fuck,” He mumbled under his breath, teeth grinding together. I smiled and bit my lip watching him, even though I was in the same situation. I just had the ability to hide it. 

After a moment of him taking a deep breath he sat up and pulled me with him. He kissed me once more and then pulled away completely but still kept his arms around me. We looked at each other and laughed sheepishly. His hair was fluffed up, his lips were pink and a bit puffy and his t-shirt was giving me a glimpse of the strip of skin just above his pants. My hair was a mess, that I already knew, my lips in the same state as his and my tank hung a bit too low on my chest, giving him a small taste of what was under it.

“We can’t be there yet,” He said after a minute of composure, “That can’t-“

“We can’t,” I agreed quickly. My heart was soft and I knew that was a step I had to really think about. At this point I already knew where Harry and I were, and I know that he knows I’m not ready for it, but my god I wanted it so bad.

“I know,” He whispered to me as if he could read my mind, and studied my face, “I’ve waited so long for just this moment alone.” He said softly, reaching a hand up to brush against my cheek. I grabbed onto his hand and held it there against me.

“I love you,” I whispered and kept my gaze to his eyes. His flickered back and forth between mine and he smiled.

“I love you, too,” He kissed me again and we fell into it, the weight lifting off our shoulders, complete relief, “We should go to bed.” He whispered disappointingly. I shook my head slowly. Our foreheads came together again and we shut our eyes. I opened mine up and snuck my lips under his jaw, kissing him gently. He sighed, groaning at the same time. He pushed my shoulders back with his hands and looked me dead in the eyes, his intention lustrous.

“You’re dangerous,” He smirked, “We aren’t playing that game, and I won’t let it happen.” I bit my lip, nodding my head slowly and turned my face away from him. He placed a finger under my chin and turned it back toward him. His eyebrows lowered, but his voice remained soft.

“Is that all you want?” He genuinely questioned me. My heart sank a bit.

“No, Harry!” I reassured him, putting my hands back to his cheeks. Pausing to kiss his lips, I spoke against them, “I’ve just been craving you for a really long time,” His breath became uneven as I whispered to him, “And I just want to be as close to you as I can. I want to feel that… with you.” His eyes were completely drawn into mine, and he was holding on to every word.

“Harry?” I yearned, begging for a word.

“I want to be with you,” He drew across the side of my face with his thumb, “I want to hold you, love you, take you out and show you how truly breathtaking you are. We have that connection.”

“Harry,” I slightly disagreed.

“I know,” He smiled with a small laugh, “That takes it to a whole other level of love and I want it to. When it comes from love there’s no better feeling.” My eyes parted from his as I looked to his chest. 

“What?” He asked.

“I don’t think I’ve had that before,” I mumbled. Harry took his finger to my chin once more and brought my eyes back up.

“Me either,” He said to my surprise, “But I can feel it here.” His voice turned to a whisper.

“This conversation isn’t helping,” I nearly whined to him.

“You’re telling me,” He shot me a slick smile and we both fell into laughter. I glanced over to the clock on the wall. It read a little last midnight.

“We should really go to bed,” Harry said and I gave in. We walked down the hall hand in hand giving playful jokes back and forth. When we got to my door he lifted my chin and kissed my lips lingering there for a moment. I pressed a hand to his chest and pushed him away gently.

“Goodnight, Harry,” I smiled and turned into my room.

“Goodnight, love,” He said and slipped into his room leaving us both to ourselves.

-

The following week was magic. July had begun and the sun was out nearly everyday. Harry spent most of his time during the day in the room where the instruments were kept, and I would catch Liam in there every now and then working with him. He was creating an album and the process was in full swing. I popped in there for a few minutes, whenever they were there, and I watched them work. Liam began to tell me he had thoughts of putting an album together as well, that Harrys process had brought back the feeling and inspiration of creating music. He explained it to me one night over dinner. He and I went out to the Italian place we had a space for ourselves in, and he went on a passionate rant. I listened, excited for him, but also felt a tad guilty. He was spending so much time taking care of me, and being there for me that I was taking time away from his true love. After that night I began to leave space between my brother and I to give him his musical freedom. I never intended to be a burden on him, and even though Kens explained to me the reasons why I wasn’t, my mind was drawn to the past few years of my life I struggled to realize it.

With my brother's mind being taken over by something other than me, that left a lot of time for Harry and I to have together.

We never pulled moves in front of Liam, in fact we barely touched each other when he was around and if by mistake Harry's hand slipped down my back a little too far or I got caught trying to play footsies under the dinner table, Liam pretended to not notice.

Wednesday Harry took me out again and we spent the day buying new clothes for both of us. We came upon a thrift store and spent most of our time there. Harry had multiple button downs in his arms with hideous patterns on them that only he could pull off. I held onto two sweaters and an old Beatles t-shirt. Harry took it from me and held it up.

“Your style?” He raised a brow.

“Yeah,” I said confidently. He gave the shirt back to me.

“What made the change?” He asked, his hands running over the different fabrics laid out on the table in front of us. He circled around the round table as he listened to me.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Your style changed,” He said innocently.

“Oh,” I said aloud and thought for a moment, “I don’t know. I like the way I dress now,” I shrugged, “It feels the most... me.” Harry smiled.

“I feel like the past was me trying to find who I was. There were so many outside influences affecting me. Between dance and Kiera and...” He and I made eye contact when that name left my lips and he pulled a face. We both laughed, “God, what even happened to her.”

“I don’t really seem to care,” He brushed it off, messing with necklaces hanging on a jewelry box.

“Anyway,” I continued, “With the time I’ve spent with myself and the music I’ve been listening to, it speaks to my soul.” Harry smiled again and nodded, his eyes not on me.

“Who I was back then was not me,” I admitted.

“Yeah, I knew that,” He mumbled under his breath.

“Huh?” I cocked my chin toward him. He made a full circle around the table and ended up next to me again. One of his hands rested on top of mine and he drug a single finger up my arm, over my shoulder and ended on my face. He pulled his trick of turning my chin to look at him.

“I knew it wasn’t you,” His lips moved slowly.

“Really?” I shut him down.

“Really,” He shot back, his serious tone not faltering, “I know you better than you think, doll.” He relaxed and placed his lips to my temple for a soft kiss. My eyes squinted toward him.

“What’s truly my favorite song?” I asked quickly.

“Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys. You liked to dance to it,” He said without hesitation as he walked away from me toward the wall covered in old magazines and posters. I stood there in shock but then hurried after him.

“My favorite books to read!” I exclaimed trying to slip him up.

“Anything by John Green,” He shot me a sly look. I turned away defeated.

“Try me,” He laughed arrogantly.

“Favorite color,” Speed round, I thought to myself.

“Green, although recently it’s been yellow,” He spoke without a care in the world.

“Drink?”

“Hot coffee, babe,” He turned past another rack in the store as I still trailed after him.

“Artist?”

“Zeppelin.”

“Sports team?” I asked, and he only shook his head knowing full well I didn’t pay attention to any sport.

“Underwear brand?!” I nearly shouted. He whipped his head around and shushed me as I bumped into him.

“First of all, I’m not a creep. Second of all, not the time to shout about your underwear,” He stifled his laughter and I giggled.

“Why do you know all this?” I asked, holding onto his arm as we continued our stroll around the shop. He stopped every now and then to hold something up in front of me, but I didn’t care to pay attention.

“Let’s just say you were crushing on the wrong guy for a really long time,” He said, “My little ol’ heart was all yours.” He admitted. I sighed and shook my head in disbelief.

“Harry, I never knew that.”

“Eh, he was too pretty,” Harry scrunched his nose. We both faked a small gag at the same time and laughed out loud.

Once we left the thrift shop Harry and I strolled to Scoops for Two for their chocolate ice cream and we took a seat at a table outside not minding the eyes on us, although normally I’d worry about them.

“You really liked me, huh?” I playfully nudged my foot against his leg. He took a spoonful in his mouth and held up a finger. I waited patiently as he obnoxiously took his time knowing he would irritate me on purpose.

“Yes,” He finally spoke, “I think I still do?” I kicked his leg this time and he jumped. We shared a playful grimace.

“I feel so stupid,” I rolled my eyes scooping up a chunk of chocolate and eating it, “I’m sorry.”

“Oh don’t be” He waved a hand at me, “We’re grown now.”

“Yeah,” I sighed, “But you knew me. Like, you knew me, knew me.”

“Knew you, knew you?” He teased. I kicked him again, “Oof!”

“Remember when you kissed me?” I raised a single brow staring toward him. He blushed and ran a hand across his forehead.

“I sure do,” He said sheepishly.

“That was great,” I laughed as he shook his head. We looked to each other and I knew what came after that kiss crossed through our minds, and our cheesy grins faded away.

“So much happened,” I nearly whispered.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Harry stopped me before I started to go deeper.

“Right,” I agreed, setting my cup on the table. Across the street from us a group of teenage girls was flocking. They had their phones out, pointing their cameras towards us or pressing them to their ears speaking frantically. Watching them for a second, I turned back to Harry who only looked at me.

“You want to go?” He nodded, knowing the answer to his own question.

A few days later it was Friday and it was a lazy day. Laying out by the pool in my bathing suit in the sun I had the radio playing music in the background. My eyes were shut and my hands tapped along to the beat against the lounge chair. Feeling my skin getting warmer and warmer I was ready to flip to my stomach when Harry came from behind me and kissed my neck, his curls tickling my chest.

“Whoa!” I jumped opening my eyes. He came around the chair and drug his eyes up and down my body.

“Mama mia,” He spoke dangerously, biting his bottom lip between his teeth. He placed his right knee between mine and leaned over me to kiss my lips in a hurry. Kissing him back quickly, I then pushed him away.

“Harry, not right now,” I hushed.

“Relax he’s working,” He reassured me and tucked my hair behind my ears kissing my jaw, “He’ll be in there for hours I just checked.” I laughed.

“Why, so you could nail me on the patio?” I joked. He pulled back looking at me offended.

“No, I just want to kiss you a little. We haven’t really done that recently,” He nearly pouted at me. I sat my upper body up and snaked my arms around his neck pulling him back into a slow kiss. He was right. Between him working on his album and him and Liam working together, Harry and I hadn’t been this close in a few days even though we had plenty of alone time.

I slipped my hands into his hair and gently tugged on his curls, but not for too long.

“Mmm,” He sang against my lips. He parted his lips a bit and daintily danced his tongue over my bottom lip. My hands were still twirling his curls as I let him in and gave it back to him. His right hand behind my back slid higher and he moved it under the strap to my bathing suit. Our lips moved slowly and our breath was heavy, the both of us holding each other tighter. I tugged his hair rougher than I was before and he pulled his lips away and turned his head while I pressed my lips to his jaw.

“Get up,” He spoke quickly and picked me up just the same. He sat himself in the chair and laid back putting me on top of him, all our bare skin coming together for the first time. I let out a shaky breath and smiled to his lips, letting my hands travel to his chest. He pressed his chin forward go catch me in a needy kiss. I brought my hands back up, one to his neck and the other to his shoulder and I gently gripped onto his skin. I softly bit his bottom lip and he hummed to me, his hands gripping my hips. My knees were on either side of his left leg, so I shifted my weight and put both on opposite sides of his hips, straddling his waist. He hummed against my lips once more.

“This isn’t fair,” He whispered and then pulled my bottom lip between his teeth a bit harder than I had before.

“Perfectly fair,” I whispered after pulling away with a smack of our lips. I pressed my upper body against his, his hands sliding down around my thighs giving them a squeeze before dragging his fingers along the line of my bathing suit bottoms. My turn to hum to his lips.

“That’s not fair,” I shot at him. He smiled devilishly.

“Perfectly fair,” He teased, lifting the seam of my bottoms and letting them go with a snap. I gasped audibly and sat up staring down to him not letting my fingers leave his body, sliding them gracefully down his torso. I was about to pull the same trick on him and pull on the strap to his suit, but my eyes shot to the back door. Liam was stepping outside.

“Shit,” I sang and started to stand up. Harry sat up quickly and covered his hands in his lap looking up to me in a hilarious panic, “Few hours?” I whispered and swatted at his leg. He pulled both his lips into his mouth and winked.

“Oof, I’m sorry,” Liam took a step backwards and reached for the door to go back in.

“No!” I exclaimed, “Liam it’s okay, you can come out.” Harry looked to me in a real panic this time and shook his head for only me to see, his arms sinking forward to cover below his waist. I laughed under my breath watching him. Liam was rounding the chair and Harry jumped up facing away from him.

“I’ll be right back,” He said, waiting for Liam to turn away from him before he rushed in the house. I held my hand over my mouth covering my smile and sat down in the chair.

“Really sorry,” Liam said with a slight cringe sitting down in a chair beside me handing me a bottle of water, “Need this?” He joked. I finally let out my laughter and snatched the bottle taking a swig.

“You suck,” I teased, shaking my head.

Saturday evening I was on the patio with Harry again but we were sitting in lounge chairs across from each other. Neither of us were laying down, we sat criss cross near the edges. We spent the day swimming and sharing snacks, this time around swapping slices of watermelon listening to music from the seventies. Harry took a bite from a piece and handed it to me, bouncing his shoulders to the beat David Bowie. As he finished what was in his mouth he watched me take my bite. It was way messier than I expected, and I jumped as the juice dripped onto my chest and onto my legs.

“Oh no!” I shouted, trying to scoop it up with my finger. I got some of it and licked it off, tried again, but ended up pushing it around more, “Ugh,” I groaned looking at Harry who was staring, his jaw open a bit. I raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“What?” I asked purely.

“That was sexy,” He didn’t hesitate. Taken by surprise, my jaw fell open next.

“Styles,” I sang, dragging it out, “Really?” I spoke quietly with a motive in mind. I bit into the piece again and quickly brought a finger up to catch the juice off my chin and placed my finger in my mouth, pulling it out slowly, maintaining my gaze on Harry.

“Don’t start,” His stare didn’t change, instead his voice turned stern. I broke a piece of watermelon off with my teeth and held it there for a second before pursing my lips to pull it in.

“Mmm,” I hummed, closing my eyes to enjoy it. I tilted my head back and ate it slow. Opening my eyes to look back at him, I licked my lips and smiled.

“Want some?” I asked innocently on purpose and held out the slice back to him. He sat forward and grabbed it back with force, shook his head and sat back taking a harsh bite from it.

“You kill me,” He mumbled with his mouth still full. I bat my eyelashes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I teased, shrugging my shoulders.

Sunday morning I got ready at my mirror in my bedroom. Kens and I were getting together soon and I was happy. I hadn’t seen her in days and we’ve only talked a few times since our last meeting.

Pulling my hair in a bun my heart sank to my stomach. On the left side of my neck close to my ear I found a purple spot and pressed a hand to my forehead.

Harry knew better and it was something we always stopped from happening because there were moments I was nearly doing it to him. Last night by the pool was incredibly heated. It must've surpassed our thinking, yet we were still weary of taking it too far.

I showered last night and everything, I thought to myself, how could I not have seen it then. Pulling open a drawer in my table I grabbed the concealer I never wore anymore and covered it the best I could, but that sucker was dark, so I had to wear my hair down.

I left the house around eleven taking the car keys from Liam. He told me every time how proud he was of me for going out by myself. I smiled at him and said goodbye.

Walking out to the car I couldn’t help but feel a bit discouraged. Since my thing with Harry started I hadn’t felt the need to have constant validation anymore and when I got it from Liam, only from Liam now, I was reminded of my truth.

“At this point now I feel almost like a child,” I explained to Kens as she listened to my feelings on Liam, “I get why he does it, but all this week barely seeing him because of his work, I feel like he’s not seeing me.” I emphasized the ‘me’. Kens bobbed her head, her strawberry blonde hair brushing against her shoulders. We sat in the coffee shop across from one another.

“So you haven’t talked to him about it,” She stated, “Maybe it’s time to.”

“But how?” I asked, “He’s my brother. He’s always going to worry no matter what, and we’ve been attached to each other for years now. The space is strange to me, it feels good, but I don't want him to be upset.”

“If it’s a part of your...” She steered away from the word recovery, and she didn’t even need to say it. I already knew what she meant, “He’ll understand. This is a growing process for you both. You’ve become accustomed to this life now, but it’s time to take the next step.”

I looked down at my coffee and took a deep breath.

“Speaking of taking the next step,” I began. Kens tilted her chin to the side in question. I only brought my eyes up to look at her.

“You’ve been having a good time with Harry, yeah?” A smile creeped to her face.

“How’d you guess?” I scoffed under my breath and faced her completely. She raised her eyebrows and tapped the side of her neck. My hand shot up covering the spot on mine.

“I covered it!” I defended myself.

“I’m a mother,” She giggled, “Nothing gets by me anymore.”

“I used to be a pro at covering them,” I rolled my eyes and pulled my hair further over my shoulders. I then remembered what else I used to be good at covering up, “I guess I’ve lost my touch.” I shook my head looking away from Kens.

“That’s a good thing,” She said sternly, placing a hand on the table toward me.

She was right. Forgetting how to cover marks on my skin, forgetting the clothes I had to wear and the way I had to act was a step I never thought I’d reach. I gave her a soft smile and changed the subject.

“There’s one thing I don’t know if I’m ready to do,” I said quietly, afraid to speak too loud about it. This topic was never easy for me to talk about with someone who wasn’t on the receiving end of it. Kens squinted her eyes at me.

“I know what you’re about to say,” She took the floor from me, saving me the scared feeling, “Have you talked about it with him?”

“Yes, we have multiple times and we’re on the same page,” I watched her shoulders relax as if she was waiting for a different answer, “He and I both know it can’t happen until I’m sure I’ll be okay.” My hands gripped onto my cup tight, Kens’ eyes flickering from them to my eyes. She and I have talked about the past and this same topic. There were plenty of great times, but in the end they were all horrible. Moments a girl should never have to endure.

“I know why you think you won’t be,” She said, “One situation, Harry is smart. Second situation, I’m sure he wouldn’t treat you in that way.”

Three years ago I was a few months into my last relationship. We were about to leave the country when I realized how late I was. At eighteen my brain didn’t understand the details of it yet and he and I both assumed the worst without having answers. When it turned out to just be a scare we were relieved, but stayed jumpy for days after. Months after, those moments that were supposed to mean something took a sharp turn and became something I didn’t want to experience. Nights of saying no, but dealing with it anyway.

“I know he wouldn’t either,” I agreed, “It’s just the last time I did it, it was terrible. I was crying,” I closed my eyes and cringed, “I hid it so he wouldn’t see.” Kens reached out and put her hands on top of mine. We sat in silence for as long as I needed it.

“I’m glad you didn’t jump in,” Kens nodded, “That’s strength. Self respect.”

“Thanks,” I smiled.

“If you trust him, and love him the way that you’ve been talking about him,” She paused, “You’ll know when you’re ready.”

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

Tuesday made two days after my day with Kens. When I got back home that Sunday evening I found Liam and Harry in the living room sitting on the floor, sheet music and books were spread all over in between them. They spent the rest of the night there and most of their day there yesterday, but today Liam was out of the house.

Harry and I went out to breakfast, sat on the couch and watched old movies, kissed a bit and missed most of the second one.

That evening he made dinner and we ate outside as the sun was setting into the hills behind us.

I did the majority of the clean up because Harry had a pop-up phone call from someone on his team about his album. At the sink washing the rest of the dishes, Harry creeped up behind and slid his arms around my waist holding me, and pressed kisses along my shoulders.

I sat the last dish aside and spun myself around in his arms and kissed him. His arms closed around me and we squeezed ourselves together. We stayed there for a minute or so, and then I pulled one of my knees up holding it against his waist and wrapping it around him. He pressed me against the counter top and leaned over me. I found the courage to pick my other leg up and he grabbed my thighs quickly taking no time to lift me to sit on the counter. This gave me more room to lock my feet together behind him and pull his body closer against mine. He broke away for a breath and I held his face to kiss him again hungrily. His hands traveled from my hips up my sides and around my back as I pushed my hips forward and rolled them for a second against his. I felt him take a breath and break away from me looking me in the eyes questionably. We had these moments between us always, but we never created that type of friction.

“What-“ 

“Harry,” I cut him off fast and gave him a look and he dropped his jaw slightly, then quickly snapped it shut. His lips met mine again with force as he lifted up holding onto me tight. We made our way down the hall, pausing to bump into the wall twice, neither of us driving us on a straight course. I trailed my lips down his jaw to his neck as we fumbled through his bedroom door. I bit his skin gently and ran my tongue over it before placing my lips there to suck softly. He didn’t even bother to stop me. We reached his bed and he laid me down, his body leaning over top of mine. I reached my hands around his back as his lips moved against my neck now, making their way to my chest. Grabbing the hem of his t-shirt I swiftly pulled it off of him, his lips leaving me for only a second. My fingers clung to his skin desperately as I lightly drew my nails around in circles. He kissed my lips and reached for the bottom of my top opening his eyes to look at me, almost like he was looking for approval.

“Do it,” I whispered, and he slipped his hands underneath, “All of it.” My breath caught in my throat as he slipped my top off with ease. Lifting my back off his bed his hands reached behind me and unclipped the straps. My heart beat faster as he slowly pulled the straps off my shoulders. Our lips parted and we watched each other. They came off completely and Harry tossed my bra to the floor. A chill ran down my back making me lift myself off the bed and press myself against his chest, our skin touching like that for the first time. We paused and I stayed there listening to our breath. Harry then pushed me back down with his chest nearly melting us into his covers. His hands slid up my arms and held them above my head with his fingers cradling mine, our lips together again.

I made the move to bring us further up the bed, Harry staying on top crawling over my body. Once my head hit his pillows he reached down and undid the buttons on my shorts and unzipped them agonizingly slow. He slid them down my legs and tossed them away as well. His hands slid down my body starting at my shoulders, slowing down across my chest and stopping at my hips. His thumbs hooked onto the straps of the thong I made sure to put on earlier, and he glanced down taking in the sight of my body.

“God, woman,” He groaned looking to my eyes. The fire that was growing in my center yet again was burning immensely for him. He slid it slowly off of me, his lips parted and eyes scanning over my face. My hands were in his hair giving it a soft tug. I closed my eyes and let out a breath feeling the fabric come off of my body.

Completely exposed, I pulled my knees closer toward me with them both resting on Harry's sides. He moved with such patience as if he could break me, yet with so much power behind it. Then faster than I could kiss him his lips were trailing down my body targeting every inch of skin possible. His lips gentle and his touch soft, that fire burned deeper. He turned me on more and more each time his lips touched my skin, building up a feeling I was dying to release. 

I swore if he touched me there right now in this moment I could lose it. His lips came around my hips, I tried to keep them still and resist the need to grind them against him. He teased and kissed the inside of both of my thighs multiple times coming closer and closer to my center. He took one look there and glanced to me with a smile. I already knew how wet I was, I could feel it, he was killing me. Both of his hands held the back of my thighs and he pulled me closer to him, my head slipping off the pillows. He watched me and I watched him dip his head and press his tongue to my clit pursing his lips around it. My back lifted from the mattress and I threw my head back, eyes closing. His lips stayed in place as he swirled his tongue around in a circle getting a moan out of me. Instantly falling quiet one of hands shot down to tangle in his hair and my other gripped onto the sheets. 

“Let me hear you,” Harry said. I looked down to him, his eyes on mine as his lips fell back onto me. He pulled a hand away from my thigh to slip a finger into me. I moaned again, keeping my mouth shut and Harry paused. I dropped my jaw to catch my breath and watched his eyes. They were dangerous.

“I said let me hear you,” He said stronger. He worked his tongue faster and slipped in two fingers pumping them at the same speed. My breath was caught and my head was thrown backwards once more. Both of my fists gripped on the sheets as I arched my back. My jaw fell open and I gave him what he wanted, not that I could contain it. He moaned against me giving a vibration making my release come faster. He sped himself up and watched me completely lose myself. I looked back down, singing to him like crazy, and one look in his eyes was enough for me to reach that peak and my orgasm hit me. The world slowed down and my voice filled the room. My back was arched and my hips pushed to his lips holding myself there as he let me ride it out.

“Fuck,” I whimpered as he came back up to me licking his lips.

“You taste so good,” He whispered. Looking between us as his lips brushed my forehead I could see him nearly busting out of his pants. I eagerly reached my hands down to unbutton his jeans and slip them down his hips, taking his boxers down with them. My feet came between us and helped me pull them down further and he kicked them off himself, then hurried to slip a condom on himself. I had high hopes on what was hiding behind his pants and he exceeded my expectations.

Between my lust for this moment and need for him, my heart was beating fast. Harry was right when he said it was so much better when it came from love. It was only him and I in this room, no other thought except us and only a need to be together so passionately. He placed his arms beside my head and laid his chest against mine as I pulled my knees closer to my body wrapping them around his waist. I reached a hand down, Harry watched impatiently, he and I both in need. I slowly ran my fingers against my center, Harry's breath stopping for a second, and wrapped my hand around him pumping a few times before I placed him where he needed to be. Our eyes were connected. He pushed himself into me slowly and we both let out a moan, our eyes closing. I shifted my arms behind his back once again clinging to his skin. He waited before he moved again, his head falling against my chest.

“You’re so tight,” He said breathlessly and thrust his hips into me once more. My nails pressed into his skin and he hummed. He pumped his hips again and rocked into me slowly, he and I losing ourselves in each other. I sang to him and his eyes danced around my face and to my body every few moments. I looked between us then back to his eyes.

“Fuck, Harry,” I moaned louder, tossing my head back.

“Fuck,” He tried to take in a steady breath, “Say it again.”

“Harry,” I drug out, picking my body up to press my chest to his. He dropped his forehead on mine and sighed shakily. He adjusted his knees quickly, pushing my legs further apart than they already were. Pressing my hips into the bed he thrusted into me with more passion than before completely disappearing into me. I called out his name again and his hips moved faster. 

“Oh fuck!” I cried out, my nails dragging harder down his back. I could hear the bed creaking beneath us and the sound of Harry's hips hitting mine. He was making noise from his chest, getting louder and I was too. 

That feeling started pooling by my hips and my breathing was quick. Harry sped up even faster and my high hit me, my body rising up to press to his. He pumped into me harder three more times riding my high and then he came inside of me with a moan into my ear. We stayed there for a moment, the euphoria lingering in the air, Harry and I unable to breath properly.

He slipped out of me, both of us moaning softly, and he rolled off the bed to get rid of the condom he had on. I sat up a bit, my body feeling weak but a wonderful feeling running through my veins. Harry joined me again and I laid down beside him swinging a knee across him. He laid on his back so I rolled to my stomach and put my head on his chest looking at him. He reached a hand up and pushed some hair off my face. We smiled at each other and stayed quiet, still reveling in the feeling.

“How do you feel?” He spoke quietly to me after a few minutes. I sighed, my smile unable to fade.

“Amazing,” I whispered.

“Me too,” He whispered back. I moved my chin and pressed kisses to his chest, “That was incredible.” My heart fluttered looking back up to him as he spoke again. We gazed to each other once more, words barely needed for us to live in this moment.

“I love you,” He whispered to me, his fingers caressing over my back.

“I love you, too,” I smiled. 

-

The next morning I was the first one awake and decided it’d be my turn to make breakfast. I turned the speakers on in the kitchen to the eighties again, dancing around as I tried my best to pull something together. Making a pot of coffee first I poured myself a big cup and moved onto frying eggs on the stove before throwing bread in the toaster.

Madonna started to sing through the radio and I couldn’t help but start to sway my hips to the beat. I flipped the eggs in the pan and ball changed my backwards away from the stove and chainéd my way to it spatula still in hand. I almost did it again but Liam rounded the corner rubbing his eyes.

“I’m surprised you’re the first one awake,” He smiled sitting in his usual spot.

“Me too,” I chuckled. I asked him about his day yesterday.

He got home late around one o’clock which was perfect for me, I got myself into bed to sleep at midnight. He spent yesterday meeting with his label, unfortunately coming in contact with Simon Cowell which ended in profanities being thrown and spent the evening in a recording booth sampling some beats and lyrics.

“Wait until Harry hears about Simon,” I cringed, laughing. Liam shook his head.

“He knows,” He told me to my surprise, “He was up right here last night when I came in. We had a drink before we went to sleep.” My face was completely turned away from him.

“What else did you guys talk about?” I asked, trying to not sound as nervous as I felt. Liam shrugged and asked for me to pour him a cup of coffee.

“He was sat here writing,” He said, “Told me he knew it’d be his third single from the album.”

“What’s it called?” I asked relieved.

“Watermelon Sugar?” Liam said but slightly questioned himself. I turned my head toward him and smiled with a scrunched nose.

“Really?” I said goofily.

“Yeah,” Liam said in the same tone with the same face mocking me. I tossed a slice of bread at him sticking my tongue out, but he caught it and started to eat it, “Thanks!” He joked with a mouthful.

“Good morning,” Harry said groggily, his turn to round the corner. My heart skipped a beat as soon as I looked at him. He had no shirt on and his hair was a mess. He was only in a pair of grey sweatpants. He came around the counter and stood directly behind me, our bodies nearly touching, and opened the cabinet above my head grabbing a coffee cup. Ducking my head a bit I laughed under my breath and turned to him as he walked away to the coffee pot.

“Good morning,” I said softly. He looked as if he had been up for hours. It was only nine o’clock now so I could only imagine what time he had really gone to bed.

“What time were you up until, Harry?” Liam asked between sips of his coffee. Harry poured his into his cup and started his way to the counter to sit beside Liam. I turned to go into the fridge at the same time and we bumped into one another. He saved his coffee from spilling but the spatula in my hand dropped to the floor.

“I got it,” Harry started, but I jumped for it before he could even move. I squat down to the floor and a soreness erupted in my hips moving down my thighs.

“Oh man,” I groaned using a hand to steady myself on the ground so I didn’t topple over.

“You alright?” Harry looked down at me with a slight smile pulling at his lips. I smiled back in a way to make my discomfort known and he squeezed his eyes shut holding back his cheesiness. I used his leg to help me stand back up, spatula in hand.

“Thank you,” I waved it in his face and put myself back in front of the stove.

“You’re very welcome,” He gloated and found a seat beside my brother.

“I think I finally laid down at, like, three,” Harry finally answered my brother, “I couldn’t stop writing, it kept coming out of me.”

“That happens to me sometimes,” Liam agreed, “Especially if something happens to me that triggers that inspiration.” They both sipped their coffees and Harry snapped his eyes to mine from behind his cup.

“It was exactly that,” He said back, looking to my brother and then to me once more. I smiled and turned away.

“So you guys,” Liam twisted his body to face Harry and to still look at me. I hesitated eye contact, but looked at him anyway.

“What’s... happening here,” He asked reluctantly. He and Harry shared an understanding gaze. Harry set down his mug and shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to keep the air calm. Liam shrugged.

“Are we... dating?” He shrugged his shoulders two more times and eyed the counter top. Harry cleared his throat.

“Well, Liam, I never thought of you and I in that way,” He started, breaking the ice, the three of us falling into laughter, “But bring it up again over dinner!” Harry continued and we calmed down. Liam smiled at me.

“I’d like to hear this from both of you though, now that we’re all together in one spot,” Liam nodded, “I hate doing it one on one with you both.” My stomach turned slightly. His delivery was innocent but he spoke as if he had authority over Harry and I.

“You a school teacher?” I let slip out of my mouth in a tone I hadn’t spoken in years. Harry and Liam looked at me with their eyebrows raised. I relaxed at their shock.

“I’m sorry,” I shook my head and reached for my coffee mug, “That was inappropriate.”

“Liz,” Liam started.

“No,” I waved him away making my way around the counter, “And for the record, this,” I motioned to Harry and I, “Doesn’t have a label right now.” Harry watched me walk away to my room with uneasy eyes.

“Liz!” Liam called after me, he and Harry both jumping up at the same time. Harry put a hand to his chest gently.

“Let me,” He said quietly, “Please.”

In my room I was pulling clothes out of my drawers and tossing them onto my bed without a care. I had thought of calling Kens to sort out how I was feeling about my brother's words but figured I’d try to understand this by myself. My door was open only a crack when a hand slipped through and opened it easily with a small push. Harry came around the corner and rested his body against the doorframe watching me.

“Going somewhere?” He asked in a low voice, his eyes neutrally following me. I turned toward him. His arms were folded across his bare chest, the muscles poked out. The sweatpants he wore hung at his hips with the strap of his underwear peeking out from his hips. His curls were a tangled mess and his eyes were still full of sleep. A corner of his mouth pricked up.

“Your brother’s got impeccable timing doesn’t he,” He said. I threw a t-shirt I had in my hands to the floor and ran my hands through my hair. I made my way backward and sat down on my bed. He made his way over and sat next to me, leaving a small space between us.

“Is this because of last night?” He whispered. I quickly turned to him and grabbed his arm.

“No,” I assured him, “Absolutely not. This, right now, is because of my brother.” Harry nodded and waited for me to continue.

“It’s becoming a lot. I want to be... free of how we’ve been living. Kens always talks about the steps to getting back to a normal life. Liam has even discussed them with her.” I leaned against his shoulder and laid my head down.

“I don’t want to live like the Syco house again. I love this side of my brother. He’s funny and he cares and he lets me be me. Recently it feels like he won’t let me be me.”

“Have you given him a chance to see you be you?” Harry asked. I sighed. “You, Liam and Kens have talked about things, right?” I hummed a yes to him, “When's the last time you and Liam talked about things? One to one,” He joked, using Liam’s words, making me laugh.

“Thank you,” I said quietly. I lifted my head and he turned to kiss me. I kissed him back.

“For the record,” He said against my lips. I pulled away, “We don’t need to put a label on this. I hate labels,” He scrunched his nose, “Let’s just let us be us.” I smiled.

“We love each other. We both know that.” He stated.

“I am yours,” He whispered to me. My eyes danced around his face as his stayed on mine.

“I am yours,” I whispered back and pressed my lips to his again.

“Hello?” Liam's voice carried down the hallway. Harry and I parted with a smack and laughed. “Anyone?” He shouted.

“A bigger drama queen than me,” I rolled my eyes and leapt out of my room with Harry following closely behind me.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

Liam and I spent that night at our restaurant in our spot. Harry was spending the night on his album, letting us know that crunch time was going to begin before we left. He let me know separately that if a small space was put between us for a few days it wasn’t my fault, and he promised a kiss or more with a visit to my room after he was done from his long days.

My brother and I had reservations for seven, even though we knew we didn’t need them, and we stayed there until almost eleven. Taking Harry’s advice I called Kens before this dinner and had her help me put together my words for Liam. He and I talked about our summer so far now that it was July, and we tried to put together a plan for the rest of it. Both of us agreed it was beginning to get old being stuck home.

“And to think we’d even be in this spot now!” Liam nearly shouted, excited, holding up his water glass.

“Character development!” I shouted with him in a joking manner and we clinked our glasses together with cheers.

My mind felt clear for the first time. I could put together full memories, I could scroll on my social media. I could see my name in a headline and not worry as much as I used to. Free time in between juggling my brother and Harry was spent maneuvering Instagram and avoiding Twitter. I switched my account to public a few nights ago and watched the followers flood in. I had no pictures posted and I had to turn my messages off because those rolled in like time bombs waiting for me to open them. I followed Liam, Kens, Harry and a few other musicians I liked. Zeppelin and Arctic Monkeys were the first if I had to honestly give an answer.

I didn’t block anyone. All I did was like posts and discover new music and keep up with Kens and her family.

Liam didn’t have access to my login for Instagram. I had thought that that would have been a fight, but he let it go with ease. He’s already joked about being able to see who I’m following and who’s following me without a password anyway. No one's name has come through yet that’s been questionable.

“I’m really proud of you,” Liam smiled to me, “I hope you know that.” I sighed and nodded returning his smile.

“I do, Li. I’m very thankful for you. I wouldn’t be where I am now without you and all that you’ve done for me.”

We sat in silence for a moment. 

The rest of our night was spent discussing my recovery in a manner I didn’t think I was able to. I told him everything about how I was feeling toward him and he understood me. He told me how he was going through some things as well, almost a recovery for himself too. We both nearly cried towards the end. He only asked one question about Harry and it was if I was happy.

“Liam,” I shook my head and sighed, “I’ve truly never felt this way in my life.” All he did was smile at me, genuinely.

Thursday I woke up with plans of going out for a day with just myself. My brother and Harry were into their work first thing in the morning. I poked my head into their work room and said goodbye to them. Harry jumped from his seat to kiss me, and Liam smiled with a wave. They both told me to be careful and just like that I was out the door.

I drove out to the town outside my neighborhood, my eyes scanning the shops along the street, all places I had been before. Teenagers hanging out front of the ice cream places and mothers pushing strollers holding their partners hand were on every block. July was beautiful. Everything was green and fresh and breezy. I came to a red light and rolled my windows down letting the warm air fill the empty space in my car. New songs from new artists were playing through the speakers at a low volume, I wanted to enjoy the sound of life outside.

I glanced up at the traffic light, not missing how long they really are, and I saw a sign with an arrow pointing to the right with a new street name across it. I never noticed it before so I clicked my blinker on and pulled to the right once the light was green. It was a quiet street lined with trees and houses built for families. Driving further into the neighborhood the houses were larger and spread further apart. I turned down another street where the houses were gated. Deep into this neighborhood there was a large park with a playground for kids and a fenced off section for dogs to play. There were kids here playing and some people with their pets. I saw some paths toward the back seeming like they went into the trees and some people on bikes came around a corner peddling carefully around couples walking. I pulled into the parking lot beside other cars and rolled the windows up. There were no younger adults or teenagers here that would have an idea who I was. My heart was telling me to just get up and walk around in the fresh air for the first time by myself, but my gut was telling me otherwise. Opposite action, I reminded myself. I would never get over this anxiety if I didn’t get up and go out on my own. My conversation with Liam popped into my brain. I wanted to be more independent. I wanted to live my own life and truly find myself again. I wouldn’t be any of that if I gave into my fear.

Pushing my sunglasses further up my nose I swung my door open and jumped out. I slid my phone in my back pocket after texting Liam to let him know where I was. Closing the door I took a deep breath and made my way through the park. Children were laughing and talking excitedly to one another about the swings and the mothers sat on the benches around the park sipping their coffees and cooing about their babies. I walked past undetected.

This felt like a rush and a relief all at the same time. This felt normal. This felt exciting. This felt like freedom. From my life and my home.

The sun was warm against my skin. My hair was tied back into a low bun and my shoulders were nearly bare from the tank I was wearing, but I didn’t mind if I got burnt. I wanted to feel like I was living. I needed to experience those little things in life I hadn’t felt in a long time.

The back of the park was quiet, only birds singing and the trees swaying against each other in the wind. The air smelled like green, and cut grass, and water coming from somewhere in the distance.

I turned into the paths that went underneath the trees in the shade. Once I turned the corner I could see a small river running alongside the path I was walking on.

A runner passed me on the left, their feet slapping against the black pavement and their breath steady in a noticeable sweaty grey t-shirt. I could hear the beat of the music they were listening to through their headphones until they were out of ear shot.

I continued my way down the path and came to split in the concrete. I glanced both ways before deciding to go down the left path. This one took me around a different direction winding away from the cool breeze of the river water. I was completely swallowed by the trees creating a thick canopy above me. The noise of the world toned down a bit. I paused in my tracks and looked up and all around me taking in the trees and the different shaped leaves. It all seemed unreal. A world I had never even wanted to pay attention to. As a child I loved this. Liam and I took camping trips and vacations with our parents every summer. My brother and I would venture out around the camping grounds and explore as we would call it, pretending to be wildlife experts. We’d collect sticks for our dad to put together a fire, thinking we were the reason we even had it. I could remember the memories as we got older of sneaking out of our tent at night to wander around. I was never scared to be out in the dark because of Liam. He always told me he’d protect me and wouldn’t let anything hurt me.

I smiled to myself and felt the urge to let a few tears fall, but held them back. They were happy of course, but it brought me back to our talk from last night and how he couldn’t really pinpoint as to why he was going through a recovery as well. Now I understood him.

I started down the path again and came upon a clearing with a gazebo planted in the center of the pavement, the concrete parting around it on both sides. The clearing was huge, the trees growing up and around it, still styling a canopy above my head.

My phone buzzed in my back pocket making me jump, startling me. Pulling it out I read Liam's name across the top. He was calling.

“Hey,” I said to him, speaking quietly as if I was disrupting the earth in her time of quiet.

“Hey, I texted you a few times but you didn’t answer,” He started, “Harry and I were planning on lunch, did you want to come back and go with us? Or you could meet us?”

“Lunch? How long have I been here,” I giggled under my breath pulling my phone away for a second to check the time, “Sheesh it’s been over an hour.”

“Have you just been walking around? I’ve heard of that new development but never went down to check it out.” He said.

“Yeah, just walking. This park is beautiful, our spot needs to step it up a bit,” He and I both laughed. I drug my feet on the ground, my walk slowed down since answering his call.

“Seems like it’s a quiet place. No ones been there, huh?” 

“No one at all, only a few people who don’t seem to care to examine me.” I rolled my eyes knowing he was smiling.

“That’s a good thing, you’ve found your spot. That can belong to you.” 

My turn to smile. I was reluctantly rounding the gazebo and noticed a couple sitting inside. They didn’t even glance my way, my voice was low to begin with.

“I think I’ll just take my time here. You and Harry enjoy your lunch, girl free.” I joked.

“Thanks Liz,” My brother said.

“See you soon, Li,” I nodded. I pulled my phone away and hung up. I was always the first to hang up and he made sure of it. That had been a thing since he had gotten his first cell phone.

I kicked my walk back up, completely rounding the gazebo. I could hear faint music pumping, feet hitting the pavement and steady breath rounding the other side so I slowed down again to let them pass first. They stopped before they reached the end so I turned to make sure I wasn’t going to interrupt them in any way.

A pair of sharp amber eyes were staring my way. My feet came to dead stop. The blood left my face and my body fell heavy. My legs turned to concrete, my bones feeling locked and my lungs trapped beneath my ribs. My breath was inaudible and my hands went numb.

He was breathing heavily, having obviously stopped his running in the midst of it. He stood with his chin tilted up the slightest bit taking his breath through his lips.

My phone was still in my hands. I could easily call my brother, or Harry, or Kens, or 911. But I was stuck. Completely frozen in absolute terror.

My lips were pressed shut and I didn’t dare make a move for anything, my mind bringing forward the memory of what happened to me when I did something he didn’t like. The clearing of this path around the gazebo was huge, but the space was growing smaller the longer he watched me.

I couldn’t even look away from him. The last time I saw his eyes was when Louis was carrying me out of a tour bus as Harry held him to the floor. My heart began to race, panic creeping up from within me. I felt small. I felt cold. I felt alone. I felt as if I had no control over anything at this moment.

His hair was cut shorter than I had ever seen it. There were new tattoos scattered about his arms and legs, his skin nearly all ink. He seemed as if he was glistening in the sunlight that peeked through the branches above us, how he would look every morning after a run around the town the Syco house was in. He had scruff on his face, nothing crazy, but something I never saw.

I absolutely despised the smallest, tiniest fraction of my feelings that felt attracted to him.

He was the runner who passed me earlier. I could see why he just noticed me now. My appearance completely different than it was two years ago. My hair was shorter and a dark red color. My body skinnier obvious to other people that I had been through a trauma. I wore minimal makeup and dressed so plain.

I felt incredibly self conscious in front of him now. My emotions messed up and confused all over again.

He used to praise me for my curves at the start. He loved my long, natural, thick brown hair. Further into our relationship our styles mirrored each other. Darker clothes. My makeup a bit darker than I would ever wear. How risky and exciting it felt to be his sexy bad girl in headlines. The way stories would talk about how in love we were. How the reporters and fans would try to imagine our sex life through twitter and magazine stories. It all raced through my mind in these few moments we were exchanging silent eye contact.

In the end he turned vile. I suddenly was no longer acting as he wanted. He was jealous of anyone who dared to show me any kind of affection and god forbid I showed any to anyone. He threatened the worst and pushed me away from my friends. He forbade me from creating new relationships with people who remotely showed they cared about me and when I went against his rules he started to show me how it would be if I didn’t listen to him. I could remember that first night when his hand struck against my face. I was afraid. I couldn’t tell anyone because I was in love with him and I didn’t want anyone to break us apart. I didn’t want him to be taken somewhere he’d be hurt or alone. I suffered in pain to protect him. I could see how damaged he was, but couldn’t talk to him about it because it would end the night in me curled in a ball in bed after him hurting me and then thinking sex would fix the problem. I didn’t want it most of the time. Our connection was lost and looking back I couldn’t find a place where we’d even had one at all. There were moments we shared I loved. Where it felt real and I hated that those moments existed.

I was lost after we were over. After our problem was discovered. Kens tells me now that it was never our problem, only his. I know now it wasn’t my fault, that he was sick and needed help himself. Kens reminds me to not give him excuses any time we talk about him.

Tears brimmed my eyes but I wasn’t about to let him watch me cry. He’s seen it too many times. The couple that was in the gazebo made their way out and walked out of the clearing the way I came in leaving him and I alone. They didn’t even seem to notice we were here.

My heart raced. Here was a moment I wasn’t prepared for. Alone in a quiet place with him only separated by a structure of wood.

His head phones were still in. Our eyes never parted. I wondered if he knew how bad he messed up. Magazines were quick to defend him weeks later. Praising him from bouncing back from his scandal, and we all know his team paid for it. His fans blamed me for putting him through it. I was the reason the band split and his name was drug through the mud. Now he and his girlfriend seem to be doing well. I hadn’t searched his name or checked up on anything since that day in the beginning of summer I saw that article on Liam's phone.

He had to have known what he did. 

He had to have had some guilt. Some sort of resentment toward himself.

He was the first to make a move here and I nearly jumped.

All he did was take a step backward dragging the back of his right hand across his forehead maintaining his stare, the muscles moving in his arms in a familiar way I used to know.

His eyes did break away and I watched as they scanned me head to toe. It seemed as if his face slightly pulled a look of discomfort. His eyebrows lowered and he squinted his eyes looking back to mine. I remained where I was. Not moving an inch.

His feet twisted against the concrete and he turned his head. He paused. He looked to me once more before starting his run again, leaving me where I was.

I was frozen until I could no longer hear his feet.

Instantly I fell to my knees with my hands on the back of my head holding it down against my knees. I fell into a fit of strangled breaths and sobs. After a minute, through my tears, I fought to unlock my phone and call Liam.

“Come here,” Was all I had to say for him to hurry his way to me. My location was always shared with him since I began to journey out on my own so I had no need to explain where I was. We stayed on the phone, Liam calming me down as he drove. 

I sat to my bottom tucking my knees into my chest. Sobs still leaving my body as I sat alone in this once peaceful clearing.

After about ten minutes I heard footsteps running toward me and prepared for the worst until Liam called out to me.

Looking up he was full big brother. He fell to my side and gently reached his arms toward me. Latching onto them I pulled him in and he held me as I cried onto his shoulder. He ran his hand along my hair softly and sat in silence, letting me be me.

“I saw- I- I- I-“ I tried to speak between staggered breaths.

“In your nose, out your mouth,” Liam coached in a soothing tone. I followed his instruction.

“What happened?” He asked, keeping the same tone. I took two deep breaths.

“It happened,” I choked out. Liam asked me once more, not understanding me.

“He was here,” I whispered shakily. Liam pulled away slightly to look at my eyes.

“What?” He asked in shock.

“He’s here. Zayn is here.”

  
  



	11. Chapter 11

Elizabeth, Harry and I sat at the table in my backyard for two hours. Nearly half of it was spent in silence.

After Liz called me and I met her in the park we laid on that ground beside each other for some time as she cried and calmed herself down on my shoulder. She was shaking and couldn’t look at my eyes, a problem that took a really long time to overcome the first time around. I came to her alone and there was absolutely no way I was letting her drive herself home like this, so I took her with me and decided to come back for the car another time.

Once we were home I had Harry come out to help me bring her inside. She sat in the front seat of the car curled up into a ball with her knees tucked into her chest. Her cheeks stained with tears and smudged mascara as Harry reached inside the door to scoop her up. I pushed the front door to the house open for him. Matteo and his team were quick to position themselves outside the door and around the perimeter of my property, Harry already had them informed.

I tossed my keys down on the counter and drug my hands through my hair trying my best to keep myself calm. Harry started for the bathroom down the hall, but turned to look at me.

“She can’t be in there alone,” I spoke quietly. The night when Harry and I took my sister to the hospital they told us she was no longer to be left alone in places like the bathroom, the kitchen or her bedroom, unless she was completely asleep. Kens spent an awful lot of time here with us to help me out. She never stayed over, but she was here to help through the early days before Liz was allowed to be alone for short periods of time. This time around, after something so incredibly earth shattering, Harry and I both knew we may have gone back in time. Harry nodded to me and raised an eyebrow.

“I know,” He answered.

“I can call Kens. Don’t put her in just yet,” I scrambled for my phone before he stopped me.

“I can do it,” He assured me. I glanced up at him and felt a pit form in the bottom of my stomach. Harry stared back, his chin lowered, both eyebrows raised. Taking a deep breath I lowered my phone and shook my head the slightest bit, a little confused but caught up.

“So you’ve...” I started, nearly mumbling under my breath, “You have...” Harry gently rolled his eyes with a sigh and nodded his head. My breath hitched in my throat and I felt out of control.

“Okay,” Was all I could say to him. He turned into the bathroom and shut the door. It wasn’t too long until I could hear the water running and Harry’s deep voice muffled by the walls.

I settled myself down at the kitchen counter on the stools we spent our mornings at and set my phone down in front of me. Sending Kens a message, I locked my phone again, folded my arms and laid my head down letting a tear fall.

Two years of struggle and pain. Two years of slow self-acceptance and confidence building. Two years free of his harm. The past few months have been incredibly crucial and beneficial to her feeling herself again. Her spark brought her back to life, and her bark started to bite back at me that I never minded. It was signs she was herself. A genuine smile on her face and light in her eyes instead of a numb stare.

Tonight at the table she had that stare in her eyes. Harry and I watched her quietly letting her be her. She didn’t speak, only shifted her gaze around the yard and over the fence, startled slightly every time someone on Matteo's team rounded the corner of the yard. She was in a black t-shirt and shorts sitting with her feet up on the chair, knees pressed against the edge of the table. Not a trace of makeup on her face and her hair was still a bit wet.

Harry was the one to take her into the bathroom and out, then back to her room and then out to where we’re sitting now. She didn’t want to eat, she didn’t want to sleep. She refused to watch TV and didn’t want to hold her phone. Kens wanted to call but Liz didn’t want to talk, so I kept her updated with messages back and forth. She was letting me know how to monitor her and keep her as safe as possible, and I let Harry read along to keep him informed.

“What do we do?” Liz whispered after an hour. Harry and I sat forward in our chairs and questioned her with our eyes. She slowly turned her head. Her eyes pained me, looking lost. She watched me for a moment and then Harry. 

“We could fight this,” Harry said, sure of himself.

“There’s a restraining order. Today it was obviously violated,” I chimed in. Liz’s eyes looked back to mine.

“There was no way it was on purpose,” She kept to her whisper.

“Don’t defend-,” My tone turned sour before I caught myself.

“I’m not,” She didn’t falter once, “But there’s no way. How could he possibly know.” Harry cocked his head to the side in agreement and glanced at me.

“She has a point. This place is a fortress,” He said, “Yes, pictures have gone around of all of us out together or separately. But there couldn’t be a way he knew where she was today.”

“No one even looked at me,” She said.

I shook my head and sat back in my chair looking out into the trees. I could feel her eyes on me.

“I know what you’re thinking. I know what is happening inside your head right now,” She spoke up, “Think bigger.” 

“How?” My voice raised as I sprung myself forward.

“Liam,” Harry said flatly.

“You didn’t see him today,” Liz spoke firmly, “I did.” We all fell silent. My blood boiled inside as I watched her face. Somehow she sat here talking about him. She’s never spoken up about him to either me or Harry, and I for sure thought we’d hear about him someday. I just didn’t think it’d be after this.

“I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to do, I just don’t know anything right now,” She went on, “I can’t think of... anything else.” Harry's eyes fell to his lap. 

“I remember... everything.” A few months ago she couldn’t piece much together about the past. Her memory failed her, protecting her as Kens would say.

“I remember the start. The laughing, the excitement,” She spoke at a whisper once again, “It felt real, but it wasn’t. It was controlling and manipulative even when it wasn’t in plain sight.” Harry's eyes found her face.

“It’s all tainted and I hate it,” Her voice erupting with fire, “And I hate him. I’m sick of the power he still has over me. How terrible he can still make me feel. The awful things he’s done to me. I remember the bruises. I remember the pain. I remember the night he was caught.”

Harry and I just watched her.

“You took him down,” Her eyes darted to Harrys, “You took his power away, even if it was just a small moment. And I love you so much.” Her voice caught in her throat, pushing out tears.

“And you,” She looked at me, “You’ve taken care of me my entire life. You took this on when you could’ve just sent me to our parents. That is the most selfless thing anyone has ever done. I was awful to you then, and you still got me through this.”

The three of us fell silent again, exchanging a few tears. We stayed out there for another two hours after the sunset, listening to one another tell stories and share old jokes. Liz didn’t come in the house until after she shook Matteo’s hand, by herself, and made sure he was in his place for when she went to bed. We all made our way down the long hallway that separated both halves of my house and stopped at the end.

“My door will be open,” She assured Harry and I, “Thank you, I love you both.” Harry kissed her goodnight and gave me a nod before turning for his door. I pulled her into my arms and kissed the top of her head.

“You’re okay,” I sighed, “You’re so much stronger than you think.”

“Oh,” She scoffed and pulled away, “I know.” She winked and stuck out her tongue.

“Goodnight,” I gently pushed her away and she laughed.

“Goodnight Liam.”

Laying sideways on my bed nearly hanging off of the left side, my eyes watched the clock that sat on my bedside dresser. It read 12:47. I was very much awake but could feel the heaviness start in my eyes. The clock ticked to 12:48 and my half opened door was fully pushed open. Jolting myself up I clutched my chest in a deep breath.

“I’m so sorry,” Harry whispered, frozen in his tracks. His apology was genuine, but I could see a laugh cracking through. I laughed with him to let him know that it was okay. Laying back down against my pillows I watched as he came around the right side of my bed, flop onto it and roll closer to me. He planted a kiss on the tip of my nose.

“Hi,” I whispered with a soft smile.

“Hi,” He returned. We watched each other for a moment. His eyes drew over my face. His left hand reached over to hold my cheek, his thumb drawing small circles. I shifted my head so it felt closer to Harry, closing my eyes. His thumb paused.

“Where were you hurt?” Harry asked in a hushed voice.

“What?” I returned the tone and opened my eyes, his staring at me intently.

“Where were you hurt?” He asked again. Opening my mouth, I stuttered and then I closed it. Harry pushed himself forward and pressed his lips against mine.

“You don’t have to tell me,” He whispered after pulling away, our lips still brushing together.

“It’s okay,” I smiled. It was silent for a bit, Harry's eyes dancing around my face. I reached for his hand and brought it to my left shoulder giving it a squeeze. His eyes followed.

“Here,” I said softly. He took his bottom lip into his teeth looking back to my eyes waiting for me to go on.

“That one could be done in front of anyone,” I tried to humor it. Squeezing his hand again to show him gently what I was implying. He was quick to pull his hand away, sliding it down my arm, eyes following it. His eyebrows furrowed and he frowned.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yes,” He hadn’t looked back to me yet, his fingers trying to intertwine with mine, “You can keep going.” I waited for his gaze to meet mine and then I held his hand once again. I rolled onto my back to free my other arm, scooting myself close against him. Guiding his hand, I did just about what he had done before, and drug it up and down both sides of both of my arms. I lingered around my upper right arm and let him hold onto it.

“This was a popular spot,” Whispering, I stared down to our hands. I always had a spot on that arm, there was always a bruise. There were an incredible amount of excuses as to why I’d be bruised there. Not one of them had to do with someone hurting me.

“The side of your bunk you would bump into every other morning,” Harry's voice was barely a whisper. Chills ran down my spine and I shut my eyes, “In June when we had all gone to that party with everyone. The next day you told me you fell in the bathroom.”

“Yeah,” I said without hesitation. Harry lifted his chin to look at me, feeling him do this I turned down to see him.

“I’m sorry,” He frowned as if he was about to cry. I sat up and reached for his chin.

“No, no, no,” I pouted kissing his forehead, “Stop, don’t do that.” I rest my head against his. Harry shifted putting a hand behind my head into my hair and he kissed my jawline before making it to my lips. I returned his kiss.

“I wish-,” 

“No,” I demanded, “We’re not going to do that.” Our noses touched and our eyelashes brushed together for a second. We both flinched and grinned.

“I know there’s more,” Harry sighed, his voice still low, “More spots.”

I nodded and pressed my lips together. He pulled a quick sad face but held it back.

“No more tonight,” He said and I nodded again. We shared a small smile.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” My smile grew as I fell toward him catching his lips. He slowed me down, moving his lips as slowly and carefully as I was the first night we could’ve done it all. Smiling against him I took a breath in and let it out with a soft noise and felt his chest stutter. He sighed softly himself as he crept his way over me, laying me back against my pillows. His knees fell on either side of my left leg and his arms beside my face. Our lips still moving in time, I snuck my free leg up his side and curved it around him. One of his hands came down and slipped under my top trying to subtlety not be greedy. I tangled my fingers in his curls and pulled my lips away from his to kiss down his neck the best I could reach, using his curls to pull him closer to me.

“This... kills me,” His breath staggered.

“What does,” I questioned between messy kisses. He hummed before giving me an answer.

“You pulling... my hair,” His eyes were shut when I brought my lips to his cheek and then his lips.

“Does it?” I smirked, our eyes meeting.

“Yeah,” He raised his eyebrows. Feeling through his curls gently he kissed me again. After a minute or two I lifted my body up to press against his while tugging his hair back. His eyes were shut, our lips parted and I took him in.

“Fuck,” He whispered, his eyebrows low. He shook me away and hungrily took his lips to my neck. He pressed his body against mine and I could feel that he needed me.

“Harry,” I sighed.

“Only if you’re okay,” He answered fast, his lips sucking my skin gently as he tried to hold himself back from pushing his hips against mine.

“Yes,” I nearly moaned, lifting my hips doing what he was hesitant about doing. He leveled his face with mine and pressed a finger to my lips.

“Your door is open,” He whispered sternly. I smirked and stirred my hips once more. He shook his head and pinned me down with a kiss. My fingers found his curls again.

He brought his hand down dragging it against my body and slipped it under the shorts I had on. Our lips came apart as he watched me, our foreheads pressed together. I took a deep breath when his fingers found my center and my eyes fell shut. He moved them slowly in a circle as he kissed me around my lips. I slid my other leg up to wrap around the other side of his body. After a moment his fingers slipped into me making my body lift to push against his. I bit down on my lip to hold back what I wanted to sing and instead let it come out as my breath. His speed picking up as did my breathing. My hands fell from his hair and next to my head that followed. Harry kissed down my jawline like he did before.

“Har...” My voice trailed off. His thumb moved in circles at the same pace his fingers worked. I could feel my high coming, wanting to moan out to him so bad. I let one slip under my breath and he returned one against my skin sending me into more of a craze.

“Tell me when,” He groaned.

“Now,” I whimpered and he pulled his fingers out gently then pulled my shorts down. I fumbled for his pants, anxiously needing what was beneath them.

“Fuck,” He winced, “I have nothing.”

“Don’t care,” I said. He eyed me, helping me with his pants, “I’ll take care of it tomorrow.” I brushed it off with a breath. He pulled my legs up, my body sliding a bit beneath him. Keeping himself tall he glanced between us as he guided his way in. I kept my eyes on his face, watching his jaw tighten as he slid in. His eyes fluttered shut for a second. My hands were gripping the pillowcase underneath me. After stillness for a moment, Harry trying to not lose himself, he crawled back over me, his hands making their way behind my head. He held me close as he rocked into mine. Our breath froze at the same time and our eyes opened to find each other. I forced my lips together watching his eyes. His lips were parted, his breath staggered. He rocked harder into me with each move. My mouth fell open and nearly gave us away.

“Shhh,” Harry hushed me, tugging my hair carefully. I brought my hands to do the same to his and it was his turn to almost give us away.

“Shhh,” I teased with a devilish smile. He scrunched his nose at me and pressed his forehead to the side of my head, his body lowered to mine, and moved his hips faster. We exchanged heavy air and soft moans in each others ear.

“You feel... so fucking good,” He whispered. I whined.

“Harry I’m gonna cum.”

“You’re so sexy,” He drug out, pressing me down harder, “You’re so fucking tight.” His voice nearly whining back. My hips pushed forward, my head fell back and I came with a shake around him. He thrusted sloppily twice more, our hot bodies stuck to one another as he came into me riding my high with me. I called out to him a bit louder than before and he moaned into my neck.

“You’re too good,” I whispered, not wanting to move.

“You bring it out of me, babe,” He said kissing my neck before moving slowly and coming out of me gently. He laid beside me but wrapped an arm around me. Once we both relaxed I turned my chin to look at him. He was already watching me and smiled sleepily when I caught him.

“Hi, my love,” He said. I smiled back.

“Can you sleep here?” I asked. He nodded his head against my pillows and pulled me toward him as if we could get any closer.

“Of course,” He kissed my cheek, “One thing though.” He rolled himself out of my bed, slipped his bottoms on and made his way to my door to close it.

“Could’ve been done a while ago,” I smiled. He shook his head and curled back up beside me.

“Go to sleep,” He breathed with a smile back to me. His arm wrapped around my side and he pulled me in as close as I could fit. We whispered our goodnights and shut our eyes.

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

Around eight o’clock I got myself out of bed. There was work to be done on my music and I had been waking up earlier every morning with my mind set on my album. It was Harry's creativity that got my mind working and with my sister getting back to herself I felt some kind of clarity. Almost as if I could think for myself. My album was going to be focused around growth, inspired by the past yet ready for the future.

My sister's recovery has taken up most of my time and most of my life for the past couple of years. Speaking with Kens, she’s told me that it’s alright to feel like I need to find myself again. I shouldn’t feel guilty for doing things for me again.

I was sitting at the counter with my notes in front of me when Elizabeth came around the corner and took my attention.

“Oh, you’re up,” She sounded slightly surprised.

“Yeah,” I sighed, “I’m anxious to get working. Jonesing for some beats.” I beamed. She grabbed a banana from the bowl of fruit sitting beside our sink and peeled it open, taking a bite. Her hair was pulled back in a bun and she was dressed for the day.

“How’re you doing?” I eyed her. After a day like yesterday I was nervous we’d taken a turn for the worse. She nodded and swallowed her food, her eyes not on mine.

“I’m okay,” She sounded shocked with herself, “I don’t want to talk about it now.”

“That’s okay,” I sat forward, “If you want to later we can.” She smiled at me.

“Thank you,” She paused, glancing down at the counter before looking back at me, “I need to borrow your car...” Her voice trailed off and she raised an eyebrow. Her car was still parked in the development we were in yesterday. I was uneasy to think about her driving so soon. She tapped her fingers against the marble once, eyes nearly burning a hole into mine.

“Why?” I questioned. She had me thinking she was going to go back to the park. Then making me think she was going to go for him.

“I have to go pick up some... girl things,” She hushed her voice and squinted her eyes. I laughed under my breath.

“Right,” I got up and grabbed my keys that sat on the table next to the door, “Have you talked with Kens?” I asked once I was by her again. I was hoping I would get the answer I was looking for, assuring me she’d be telling the truth. Not that I had any reason to think she’d lie to me.

“I have,” She nodded and held out her hand. I hesitated. She insisted she had spoken with her last night before bed and that she was going to be okay to go out to the store alone. Smiling at her, I dropped my keys into her hand.

“Thanks, Liam,” She gushed, hurrying around to kiss my cheek. I looked at her in fake disgust but laughed.

“Be careful,” I called after her.

“Always!” She sang back and shut the door behind her.

-

I had forty-eight hours. Forty-eight hours, I repeated to myself over and over since the moment I woke up. Harry was still asleep in my bed when I left the house. I had closed my bedroom door and prayed Liam wouldn’t be walking down the hall when Harry got up. He apparently has been told that Harry and I have been closer than he thought. Harry let me know once he helped me into the cool shower after we got home from the park. 

“How wonderful of a fact for my big brother to know,” I had said quietly to him. He just gave me a shrug in return.

I drove myself out into the town and kept my eyes on the sidewalks. It was only a little past eight so there weren’t many people out on this Friday morning. The skies were a little grey and no sun was peeking through the clouds. I took myself out a little further into town, leaving the part that Liam and I lived in, and pulled into the parking lot of a drug store that advertised it was the ‘mega’ store from it’s other locations. A small gas station and everything. Sliding on a pair of sunglasses I checked my reflection and admired how much of my face was covered. Scanning around the building and squinting in the windows to make sure it was somewhat clear, I opened my door and hopped out.

Once inside the store I noticed it was only me and two employees, stocking shelves, inside the chilly aired store. I did not take off my sunglasses. I needed to be in and out fast. I hurried my way to the aisle where you found women’s products, pregnancy tests and emergency baby preventers. Picking up what seemed the most reliable, I whirled my way around corners to the register. I waited there for only a moment before one of the employees, around my age, worked his way over. He had short dirty blonde hair and brown eyes. His name tag read David.

We exchanged hellos and I sheepishly slid the box over to him. He must’ve sensed my awkwardness.

“Don’t worry,” He grinned, “I don’t judge.” I laughed quietly.

“Thanks,” I calmed a bit, “I’ve honestly never bought something like this before.” Trying to keep the conversation light, I cringed to myself on the inside. No need to keep talking about it.

“S’alright,” He shrugged, “It happens.” He smiled at me again. He gave me a price and I handed over my credit card. David glanced at it before swiping it. He looked up to me while it was processing.

“I thought you seemed familiar,” He nodded and I wanted to shrink into my shoes, “Again, don’t judge. My sister’s a fan.” He raised his eyebrows. I laughed with him.

“Don’t worry, I don’t judge,” I repeated his words. He put the box in a bag, gave me my card with a receipt and told me to have a nice day.

“Thanks,” I spoke genuinely, “You too.”

The sliding doors to the store did their thing and I stepped out into the cloudy weather.

“Hey!” Was shouted toward me before I could take another step. I forced myself to keep going as I glanced over my shoulder. Two teenage girls were walking toward the store, their attention glued on me. I groaned to myself and kept it moving.

“You’re Liz!” They shouted again. Their footsteps turned toward me. They were following me.

“Yes,” I said, trying to not entertain them.

“Wait, wait!”

I didn’t stop.

“Please! We love you!”

I slowed my walk and glanced at them again.

“Thank you,” I nodded, “You guys have a great day okay?” One of the girls jogged to me and tried to get in front to stop me. We bumped into one another and my bag fell from my hand.

“Ugh,” I groaned once more and reached down to grab it. The girl reached down as well, I assumed to help me. She beat me to it and picked the bag up from the bottom and the box I had just bought came tumbling out.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” She exclaimed, “I didn’t- oo!” She picked it and handed it to me. The other girl with her saw it too. I snatched it back and started for my car, not caring how rude I was coming off to them. They were whispering.

“Is it Harry? It’s Harry right?” One said.

“Well it wouldn’t be her brother,” The other roared.

“Oh my god,” Their voices hushed, “What if it’s him... he lives around...”

“It’s not,” I snapped at them pulling my door open, “I can most assure you, it is not. You guys have a nice day.” 

I started my car and watched them trot away, looking back toward me once more. When they were finally far away I ripped the box open and worked the pill out it’s little case. I quickly popped it in my mouth and swallowed it without any water. It felt like a rock going down but I needed it quick. Last night had been crazy good, but I didn’t need this anxiety.

I sat in the parking lot for another moment and pondered over the thought of going in to buy another for the future, but talked myself out of it. There was no reason to act irresponsibly. 

Thrusting the car into reverse I backed myself out of the spot and took myself back home.

-

Elizabeth wasn’t even gone five minutes when Harry came around the corner scratching his head. He paused when he saw me.

“Hey,” He mumbled sleepily, his eyes still heavy.

“Hey,” I grinned, “You okay?”

“Yeah, jeez,” He drug his hands down his face to rub his eyes, obviously still tired, “I feel like I got knocked out last night.” He said groggily. He rounded the counter and started to put together a cup of coffee.

We had all gone to bed at the same time yesterday it wasn’t as if it was too late either. We’d usually get to sleep at an hour before it was too late to be awake. I raised an eyebrow.

“Do you feel okay? Could be getting sick,” I suggested looking back down to my notes that were now spread across the marble. Harry gave a small smile and shook his head watching his cup.

“I feel fine. Where’s your sister?” He asked coming to sit a few stools away from me. I slipped him a paper with words scribbled across it wanting him to review it like we’d been doing the past week. He picked it up and started to read it.

“She had to go shop for some things,” I told him, slipping him another paper.

“By herself?” His eyes flickered from the paper, eyebrows furrowed. I nodded.

“She told me she was on the phone with Kens last night, I trusted her, so she went out. She left only a bit ago.” He nodded slowly, maintaining eye contact for a bit and looked back to the sheets of paper in front of him. We sat in silence, scribbling on the pages and erasing things like mad.

After multiple minutes we were sharing thoughts, looking up words to rhyme with ‘obvious’, when the front door swung open and my sister bounded in from behind it. Harry and I snapped our necks around in surprise. She smiled big and hurried by us, tossing my keys in my hand, empty handed. I looked to Harry in suspicion, confused as to why she had no shopping bags with her. He returned the look.

“I was gonna go talk to her anyway,” He shrugged as he stood up.

-

In my room I was sitting on the edge of my mattress anxiously getting my phone unlocked to dial Kens’ number. The panic of those girls seeing me, on top of the anxiety from yesterday, on top of why I was buying what I was buying was too much. I was taking my deep breaths but it felt as if my chest was being squeezed tighter with each exhale.

Tapping on her contact, I put the phone to my ear and waited. It rang twice before her voice came through.

“Good morning, Elizabeth,” She sounded excited as always, “How are you?” I bounced my knee as I spoke to her.

“I’m not okay right now,” I said shakily, “There’s a lot happening. I haven’t felt this in forever.”

“Okay,” She said, “Let’s FaceTime so we can be together.” We switched and I sat my phone on my pillows so I could sit criss cross and see her. Her strawberry blonde hair was in a bun and she hadn’t put on any makeup yet. I could hear one of her kids talking in the background.

“Don’t mind the noise or my bare face,” She joked and I gave her a small smile, “Let’s put our hands to our chest.” I followed her instructions.

“We’ll close our eyes and we’ll take ourselves out of our bodies for just a moment. Let’s take a few mindful deep breaths.”

My palms were flat against my bare chest. I felt my lungs fill with air and my heart beating through my chest. With each exhale Kens shared a thought of what we should be grateful for. She asked me to say three things with her after each breath.

“Liam,” Was usually the first one, “Our health. Our strength.” We took a silent moment and she told me to open my eyes.

“You can take your hands down,” She said even though she knew I held them there for nearly half the call, “Our strength? That’s new.” We shared a soft laugh.

“Looking back I can see how far we’ve both come. We wouldn’t be where we are now if Liam and I weren’t strong. We’re Payne’s, we fight,” We laughed again. She went on to tell me that she’s excited and intrigued with the new things that I’ve discovered and learned from myself. How she’s blown away with how I handled myself yesterday.

“I cried on the floor,” I crinkled my nose.

“But, you got back up,” She pointed into the camera, “‘Cause you fight.” 

“You have a good team at home,” Kens nodded, “I’m so happy you and Liam have grown to this point of resilience, and that you’ve opened your heart to others in a way you thought you couldn’t.” She paused.

“What?” I asked softly. She smiled.

“Turn around,” She said. Peering over my shoulder, Harry stood in my doorway leaning against the doorframe. 

“Hi,” I blushed.

“Hi, love,” He hushed.

“Hi, Harry!” Kens called out and I turned back to look at her with a grin.

“Good morning,” He waved a hand with a smile.

“Go,” Kens whispered to me, “Remember those words you said to me.”

“Can I call you later today?” I asked her quickly, knowing I had unfinished business to discuss.

“Of course,” She gushed in a funny voice making me stifle a laugh, “Message me.” We shared a nod and she ended our call. I laid my phone on the table beside my bed and shifted to face Harry who watched me with attentive eyes.

“Everything alright?” He asked. I took in a breath and looked down to my hands. Harry stood patiently. 

“I think so?” I questioned myself, “I think so.” I said with more clarity looking back to his eyes that never left me. 

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” I answered, surprised as to why he would even ask, “Are you okay?” My turn to ask. He knew why I asked and nodded with a smile.

“Yes,” He sat down beside me. I reached for his shoulder and pulled him into my lap bumping our shoulders together. We exchanged an ‘ouch’ and a laugh.

“You don’t have to ask to come in. You’re always welcome,” I told him, muffled by his back that I laid my head on. He held onto both my hands and messed with a few of my fingers.

“I just wanted to make sure it was okay with you,” He whispered, “Your privacy is important and important to me and I always want you to feel comfortable.” I planted a kiss on his skin.

“With you I always am,” I soothed, “And we’re in the clear by the way.” I said in a joking manner. He huffed.

“God,” He groaned with a small laugh, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

“I am,” He insisted, “That was selfish. I shouldn’t have let that happen that way.” I kissed the back of his neck again and shifted myself around so I was the one laying in his lap. My arms wrapped around his shoulders and I kissed his lips.

“I’m okay,” I assured him, “I’m going to be okay. That wasn’t selfish and if it was I was selfish, too.” He kissed me and smirked.

“A selfish bunch we are,” He mumbled against my lips. We kissed each other for a few more moments.

“Keep some things in here,” I whispered and he raised his eyebrows looking down to me, “So we’ll be prepared.” I squinted my eyes with a hint of spice.

“So selfish,” He snarked and we laughed, “I’ll do it.” He continued to play with the mysterious commentary we shared.

“Hey, Harry?” We heard Liam's voice echo down the hall, “It’s happened!” He was cheering. Harry pulled away from me with a grin.

“What’s happened?” I asked.

“I’ve got him on the phone!” My brother called out once more. Harry scooped me up in his arms and we hurried out my door, speeding down the hall. I laughed our whole way down because Harry was chanting maniacally. My brother joined in my laughter when he saw us. 

“Let me hear him,” Harry tried to snatch my brother's phone. My heart skipped a beat at the use of the word ‘him’, but they were acting too excited for it to be him. I kept myself clung onto Harry's torso, one of his arms keeping me held close. Liam grabbed the phone and hurried into the living room. Harry and I followed behind him.

“Louis!” Liam called out after tapping a button on his screen. We all collapsed onto the couches and my heartbeat rose. Glancing at Harry, he was cheesing hard. We all waited in suspense.

“Liam!” The voice that came out of the phone gave me chills. I shivered quite noticeably so Harry wrapped his arms around me. Louis’ was a name I hadn’t heard in ages, nor had I heard his voice either. He was the sweetest boy. He and I always shared a connection back in the day when I’d get to hang around the guys. We talked about drama, we talked about the annoying girls at my school and we always ended up talking about boys. We understood each other's jokes and always had each other's back.

The night everything was flipped upside down, I was put into Louis’ arms and he carried me far away from it all. Since that moment I hadn’t seen him.

“Louis,” Harry sang, tossing his head back on the cushion. There was a pause from the speaker.

“Hiii, Harry,” Louis sang back in a sarcastically sneaky manner, “Is my girl there, too?” My heart fluttered and I grinned as Harry and Liam looked at me. I nervously shrugged and they both motioned obnoxiously for the phone telling me to say something.

“Hi, Lou,” I squeaked and he gasped. Still so overdramatic, nothing has changed.

“My dear,” He gushed, “Can I see you, please? We need to be together. I’m home now!” Again, the same as the rest of them, home on a break from the limelight. Liam nodded to me.

“Yes,” I sighed in relief, “Please, can we?” I said eagerly.

“Goodness. Are those boys making you crazy? Sure sounds like it.” I looked to Harry who was watching me with a sly smile and hooded eyes.

“Whenever you’re ready I’d love to see you and, no Harry, you cannot come,” He teased and we all snickered.

Louis and Harry used to be known for a very close relationship, the fans loved it, and Louis did openly admit to having a crush on Harry. Harry swears he didn’t have those same feelings but everyone knows he did. We just chose not to egg him on about it. Louis ended up moving on, but their friendship stayed tight. He met a guy from a weekend party named James and they dated for just over a year. That was the last time I saw him so it was evident that I needed to be with Louis to catch up.

“Lou, Harry and I have got all the time in the world,” Liam explained, “We’ve both been working and would love to have your expertise and harsh criticism.”

It was clear there had been talk between the three of them already of Louis coming here. I was just a part of the confirmation process now.

“Liam, Harry,” Louis said regally, “I would love to come there and tear apart your art.” The two boys shared an eye roll.

“Just let me know when you’re coming by, like I said we’re always here,” Liam said.

“Give me a day and I’ll be there. James and I have got big things happening.” They were still together. My heart was content. We all said our goodbyes and Liam hung up the phone. I laid my head down on Harry's chest letting it rise and fall with each of his breaths. He held his arms around my back, rubbing one in a circle as he shut his eyes. Liam was looking to us with a small smile, and once our eyes met the smile grew. I returned it to him and he gave me a knowing nod before standing to his feet to leave Harry and I on our own.

  
  



	13. Chapter 13

Sitting in my bedroom on my bed I had my phone unlocked to Kens’ phone number as I stared blankly to my walls feeling a sense of worry in my stomach. Louis was on his way to my house to come work with Harry and I, and to come spend time with my sister, and I was extremely happy about it. I missed spending time with the guys. 

After everything happened and we all split it was hard to keep up with everyone. Harry of course stayed close, but Louis and Niall went out into the world and hadn’t come back. Niall was now on his second album, selling out stadiums and touring the world and I couldn’t be any more excited that he’s so successful. The last time I had officially spoken with him was when he released his second album and I messaged him a congratulations. He answered with a thank you and asked about my sister and I, but the conversation wasn’t very long.

Louis was working with X-Factor and was a judge for some time on one of the latest seasons, and he’s been working on music with Steve Aaoki doing some features on some tracks for him. I spoke with Louis every now and then, but it was always just when something new was released, or whenever we popped into each other's minds. At the start of this summer he had caught word that Harry was coming here, from Harry himself, and he did reach out to me asking about my sister and how we were doing. Knowing that he was always a positive force for Elizabeth I didn’t think twice about trying to get him to come visit, I knew it needed to happen.

Sitting here on my bed staring at nothing, I finally tapped onto Kens’ number and listened to my phone ring lifting it to my ear.

“Hi, Liam,” Kens said sweetly after a couple rings, “How are you?”

“I’m alright,” I said, keeping my voice low to avoid being heard by anyone other than Kens, “Feeling a little worried for the date coming up.” I took a deep breath and listened to her agree with me.

“You know it’s hard to believe, but I think I had forgotten it was coming,” She said and I smirked, nodding, “She’s been doing so well.”

“It didn’t come to me until yesterday when Harry and I were writing together. Elizabeth was laying outside and he and I got to talking about the last tour we were on… that’s when I remembered that day is tomorrow… the night it all happened,” I said closing my eyes. Kens listened, letting me continue.

“Last year it was a hard day to get through. I mean, we were better than the first time it came around, but Liz couldn’t get out of bed. And then she stayed there for another day,” I cleared my throat and layed down against my pillows looking up to my ceiling, “I couldn’t get her to eat or come outside with me… I just don’t want that to happen this time. Then, the other day with her seeing him…”

“Liam,” Kens said softly, “Take a deep breath, and think of your sister as she is now,” I followed her instructions and shut my eyes again, “What do you see?”

“I see a smile,” I said, letting one grow onto my face, “I see beauty, and I hear laughter. I see strength and I can see her getting stronger, fast. How happy she is when she talks about the music that she likes and how happy she seems with Harry.”

“See?” Kens said, “From last year to now, do you believe she’s a different person than she was?” I nodded.

“Of course,” I answered, “If this were last year she wouldn’t be as silly as she is now, and she definitely wouldn’t be making fun of me like she used to when we were growing up.”

“So much has changed, and for the better,” Kens assured me, “Take tomorrow one step at a time and let her do what she needs to do. That’s the only way you’ll get through it. Guide her to make smart choices, but let her steer. Alright?”

“Alright.”

“Good. You can handle this, Liam. Without you she wouldn’t be where she is now, never forget that!” She said and I thanked her, and then we said goodbye. 

As soon as I ended the call I could hear shouting coming from down the hall, specifically shouting from my sister. Leaping to my feet I threw my door open and hurried to the kitchen to find Louis and my sister jumping around with each other in their arms. Harry was leaning against the counter smiling with his arms folded across his chest.

“Payno!” Louis’ thick accent cracked throughout the room once he saw me, his voice always so clear and distinguished.

“Lou!” I called holding open my arms waiting for him to come into mine next. My sister stepped back and ran her hands through her hair, smoothing it back down after it being disheveled by Louis. Tossing my arms around him he squeezed me tight, always being one of the strongest ones out of us boys no matter how much taller we were than him. From behind us I heard Harry clear his throat dramatically. Louis pulled away from me with an eye roll and stepped back to look at him.

“Hello Harry,” He chirped sweetly, going in to hug him, their height being the biggest difference in the group. Harry smiled big and hugged him tight.

“Hi Lou,” He said.

“Are you taking care of her?” Louis asked pulling away from Harry, squeezing his hands all along Harry’s arms as if he was examining him, “Treating her well?” He shot him an evil look, but Harry just smiled and nodded, his cheeks turning a little pink.

“Has he?” Louis turned over his shoulder to ask my sister, and she returned the same look Harry gave him, “Good.”  
“Lou, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for this to happen,” I said with a sigh shaking my head having Harry agree with me.

“I know, I’m just so spectacular,” Louis held his hands to his chest regally and nodded theatrically making Elizabeth laugh, “And I am dying to hang out with you!” He exclaimed looking back to my sister.

“And I’m dying to have someone to talk to about…” Elizabeth paused, laughed nervously and then shook her head. Harry laughed quietly to himself and looked down to his feet.

The four of us came to the decision of spending the day here at the house catching up with one another, spending time in my backyard by the pool. Harry was going to cook us lunch and Elizabeth asked if she could help, getting a funny reaction from the three of us.

“What!” She fought, “I can cook!”

“Of course you can,” I said back to her, trying to mess with her but not hurt her feelings, “Good luck, Harry.” I saluted him with a laugh as they went into the house, Harry looking to me with humor behind his nervous eyes.

“She is just fantastic,” Louis said once the two were inside. Looking toward him I smiled, “You should be really proud, Payno.”

“I am,” I nodded, “I’m sometimes in near shock when I see her now. Compared to where we once were? It’s… unreal.” Louis uncrossed his legs and sat forward leaning against the table we were sitting at.

“I know that day is tomorrow,” He said, lowering his voice, “And I do know it’s a hard day to have. Anniversaries of trauma are horrific. Every time the date of my mother comes around it’s nearly as if I’m reliving it, even if I’ve gotten better since.” I watched him and listened understandingly, his sharp blue eyes now soft.

“I’ll be here,” He said, “If I’m able to be. I know my part in that day was a big one…” His voice trailed off and he sighed, and he was right.

That night on the tour bus Harry was the first to notice, and the first to do anything about it without any hesitation. However, Louis was the one to get her out of there. He was there to scoop her up and carry her away from the absolute madness that broke out in mere seconds.

Louis took her to our opening bands tour bus that was only just behind ours in the lot. My sister was friends with their bass player at one point during that time. When Louis brought her on he cleared them all out and told them to stand outside and to not let anyone through the doors unless it was me. He took care of her, tried to calm her and was there holding her until Harry and I came onto the bus with them.

“Your part in that day was huge,” I told him, “I couldn’t think of anyone better to do what you did that night.” He laughed.

“You could now,” He nodded his head toward the sliding doors looking into the kitchen where we could see Harry and my sister talking and laughing with one another as they cooked, “How’s that going by the way? Tell me your part before I swear to your sister to not tell you anything she tells me.” I rolled my eyes and he laughed evilly.

“It’s going fine,” I shrugged honestly, “She’s happy… He’s happy… It was weird to me at first, obviously, it’s my sister and one of my best friends.” Louis snickered.

“Yeah, it can't be a great feeling to know that they're doing each other,” He pestered me and I tried to kick his legs under the table.

“Disgusting, Tommo!” I shouted and he laughed louder.

“Sorry,” He said, “Harry’s great, though.”

“He is, I can trust him,” I said looking back in the kitchen. Elizabeth was standing behind Harry at the stove with her arms wrapped around his waist. Louis took a deep breath.

“I can honestly say, I’m just as happy that he’s happy too,” He said. Turning to him I quizzed him with my eyes, “He didn’t tell you anything about before?” Louis raised his eyebrows with surprise.

“What’s before?” I asked. 

“Oh my god,” Louis sang dramatically, shifting in his seat to sit up straight and as close to me as he could. His eyes were wide, “You don’t know a thing about this do you?”

“Does it look like I do?” I laughed nervously, “Please tell me.”

“Liam, that young man has had the hots for your sister since the day they met,” Louis said, “And I’m not just talking about him finding her cute, he caught the bug bad. She was all he talked about to me. He was ready to write song after song about her!” I sat still listening and let this information sink in, watching Louis tell this story as if it was the best he’s told.

“Did you never notice them when we came by your place? They were like best friends when they were around each other. When we all moved to Syco and we couldn’t be near our families as much as we were, Harry wasn’t heartbroken over the distance between his mother and Gemma, Li. Remember the night we had the meeting with the team?” 

Thinking back to it now I can remember that night so vividly. Kens and I laugh whenever I get to talking about Syco memories because usually I keep them pushed away, not wanting to revisit them because my time with Syco was so terrible.

That night was a day or two after we were placed in that house. Our management told us we were to stay there unless we were told we were allowed to visit our families or go anywhere on our own. We were basically on a lockdown. That label and that team did everything they could to have complete control over the five of us.

I was eighteen when that happened. I can remember the nights in the beginning we all would spend in the living room with one another comforting each other over the loss we had just endured. Sure we may have come to love it at one point, being huge celebrities and all living in a fancy home, but being taken from our families so suddenly was a shock. Harry was hit the hardest. He was barely seventeen when this had all happened. 

That night of the initial meeting he was a total wreck. He went straight to his bedroom and we believe he cried for hours. I spent time there with him, trying to help him through it, letting him know he’d be able to see his mother and sister again. I explained to him how I was grieving the loss of time with my sister. At that time I was missing her dance performances, her achievements with the company and just watching her grow into a talented performer and an amazing person. It had been her and I for so many years, and it hurt to know that I was leaving her for so long.

Just about two years after that meeting the reigns over us were loosened and we were able to act as we pleased. Louis knew this was because the majority of us had hit the legal age in the US and when we traveled anywhere we were no longer considered minors. My sister had gotten the news that she’d be performing by us at this time, and it became a perfect idea to let her stay with us. That ended up changing things forever between us all. 

Looking at Louis now I just shook my head.

“Can’t believe it can you?” He smiled.

“That explains why things went crazy once she came to live with us,” I said quietly, my mind still trying to validate it all. Louis nodded, the smile still on his face.

“He was so anxious to see her again he was lashing out at all of us,” Louis said and I rolled my eyes remembering the fights I would have with him over pointless things, “He went drinking the night before you went to go get her?” He asked, knowing the answer. I slapped my hand to my knees.

“Yes he did! Oh my god, Lou…” I sat back and closed my eyes pinching the bridge of my nose, “But then he went and dated Keira.” 

“Yes he did,” Louis repeated my words, “He was hurt, and he was praising you behind the scenes for being so angry at Lizzie. We used to talk about it once we knew… they were together. He hates himself now for being so bitter, of course, but…”

“But this just explains it all,” I sighed looking into the kitchen again seeing the two of them getting ready to come outside with us. Harry was saying something to her with a goofy face on, and she laughed falling towards him. He caught her in his arms and kissed her.

“I know you wanted us all to stay away from her in that sense…” His voice carried off and I glanced at him embarrassed, remembering I once ordered Louis to not entice her knowing damn well he was dating James, “S’okay,” He smiled, remembering as well, “Just don’t blame yourself for any of it. They’ve got each other now.” 

“Lou!” Elizabeth called from the door with plates and napkins in her hand.

“Yes, darling!” Louis called back.

“Do we get to know your news now?” She asked as she and Harry came back to the table setting out everything for lunch. Louis leaned back in his chair with a suspicious smile and folded his hands across his chest, “You and James have exciting news?” She asked again, bouncing on her feet watching him anxiously.

“We do,” He said quietly, staying in his place. Harry sat down beside me, between Louis and I and Elizabeth sat across from him. She reached over to Louis and rolled her eyes.

“Please tell us!” She whined. Louis winked at her and then reached into the collar of his shirt pulling out a chain with a ring hanging off the end of it getting us all to shout. Elizabeth jumped out of her chair and lept onto him, falling across his lap, “OH MY GOD!” She screamed and he laughed loud holding and rocking her back and forth.

“Lou?!” Harry questioned standing to his feet. He reached over top of both of them and squeezed them both tight.

“Are you kidding!?” I asked excitedly, my turn being next to go over to hug him, “You’re seriously engaged?” Louis smiled big.

“We are,” He nodded as we all made our way back to our own seats to eat and to listen to his story, “I haven’t confirmed anything with anyone yet, so that’s why I’ve been wearing it around my neck. I wanted to make sure the family knew first before hearing about it in a headline.”

“Aw, are we family?” Liz asked, smiling to him, “How and when did this happen?”

“Of course you are,” Louis said, “And this happened a few weeks ago… I certainly wasn’t going to tell you all over the phone especially since I knew this lug was coming here,” He pointed to Harry who shot him a cringey look from the name call, “I knew I’d be here one way or another.”

“I’m so happy for you, Lou,” Harry grinned, shaking his head a bit. Louis smiled at him.

“I could say the same for you, Harry.”

“So when do I start helping you plan?” Liz asked Louis, making us all laugh.

“Anytime, darling. I’m going to need all the help I can get,” He said with wide eyes. I watched as the two of them went back and forth living a teenage dream talking about weddings and I smiled. I wondered if Louis would actually take my sister up on helping to plan a wedding for him and James, and if she did I already knew how great it would be for her to be involved in something important. She hadn’t been a part of anything for quite some time now.

While she was dancing she was the best in her class, she and her old friend Keira, and they were a part of almost every event the studio held. They were asked to be in every production, every workshop, every photoshoot and every live performance. Neither of them auditioned to be in the elite company, their head teacher invited them personally before they even hit the age they’d be eligible to audition for it. Elizabeth had always been on the move and she had a brain to be a leader, and a planner, a boss. I knew if she was to take this on she’d be nothing but brilliant.

“Don’t steal her forever,” Harry joked quietly, and Louis sneered toward him.

“Chill out, you passion freak!” He laughed, “You know how to share, you’re a big boy Harry.”

Harry and Louis went on to have a small, pointless, humorous argument that Liz and I enjoyed, and we finished up lunch on the patio. As much as Louis wanted to spend the rest of the day here with my sister, Harry and I convinced him to come into the studio with us and there we remained for many hours. Elizabeth assured us she was going to be fine and that she wanted us to have this time together.

The three of us sat together on the floor, or in the mismatched chairs I had in that room, or one of us laid on the ground trying to sing something. Louis was scribbling like crazy on Harry's sheets of lyrics and shut him down for nearly half of them.

"Harry, what in the hell does this even mean... what's this song called?" Louis fumbled with the notebook and reread the title before showing it to Harry who was sitting with his hands tangled in his curls. He was looking at Louis as if he was ready to slap him across his face, but he listened patiently.

"I want to call it Canyon Moon," He said quietly and Louis snickered.

"Why?" He asked as his eyes shifted around the page again.

"Lou, you're driving me crazy," Harry laughed through his stress and rubbed his eyes.

"You asked for this," Louis smiled, "I just don't seem to understand... it." Harry moved his hands from his face to look at Louis in disbelief.

"Out of all of the songs on the fucking album, this is the one that's the most obvious," He said, "She plays songs I never heard, An old lover's hippie music, pretends not to know the words... Staring at the ceiling, Two weeks and I'll be home, Carry the feeling through Paris all through Rome... I keep thinking back to a time under the canyon moon..." Louis just raised an eyebrow.

"When was this written?" He asked.

"In May," Harry groaned, "It's-" Louis went to cut him off, but I caught him before he could keep playing dumb.

"Liz, Louis, it's about Liz and Harry and before he came here," I raised my hands snatching the notebook from Louis getting a thank you from Harry.

"This song is already Stevie Nicks approved so whether you like it or not it is going on the album," Harry said.

"How many songs are about her?" Louis' entire demeanor changed from Simon to sweet in a split second. He leaned forward with a small smile toward Harry who sighed and shrugged.

"A few," He said genuinely, "Out of what I have so far, maybe five?"

"Harry you only have seven songs right now," I told him.

"Oh," He said funnily, clearly realizing where he was at.

"You fool," Louis said, his smile still there, "Let's move to you now, Liam, and give poor Harry a break shall we?" I pressed my lips together and watched as Harry looked to me in glee.

"Great," I forced out and gathered my notes.

"You boys enjoy yourselves," Harry said quickly leaping to his feet, "I'll be right back." He ruffled both of our hairs and hurried out of the room, closing the door behind him. Looking over, Louis was patiently waiting with his hands out for my notes. I took a deep breath ready to accept my fate and handed them over.

  
  



	14. Chapter 14

Later that evening I found myself in the kitchen, alone. The three guys were working away in the studio, and they had been for hours now. As soon as we had finished lunch, and Louis and I were done daydreaming over his wedding, they flew into that room leaving me to myself for the evening.

It was only around nine o’clock as I stood here with the radio on moving around a bit to whatever song came on next. I was on my phone scrolling through Instagram liking a whole bunch of pictures, finding myself stuck on my hometown dance studio’s page. There were countless pictures and videos of the summer camp they were currently holding, and as I kept scrolling I found some from the elite company’s spring performance. One that I would always be a part of.

The group of seventeen dancers looked happy and confident as they stood on the stage dressed in their studio apparel surrounded by all of the teachers who were all smiling and holding onto one another looking excited. One woman with long, silky black hair caught my eye and I felt a slight tug at my heart. It was Emma, a teacher that I used to look up to more than anyone in the world. She was nine years older than me and would treat me like a younger sibling. We’d drive to rehearsals and performances together, and we’d room together for competitions. She would hold extra practices with me after regularly scheduled classes and even take me to the studios when they were closed and let me in just because I said I needed to dance.

She was everything to me, and everything I wanted to be. I can remember the day I told her I wanted to be a singer's background dancer, any singer, so I could perform in front of an audience every night. Getting to be in the elite company was going to help me get there, and just before my life took a sharp turn I had the opportunity to perform on live TV with everyone but I blew it.

Looking down at the picture of her with the company I felt sad. I felt hurt, but I knew that that was because of myself. I had done this. I was the one to walk away from it all and give it up, no one else had the power to do that.

“What’ve you been up to?” Harry’s voice asked me, knocking me from my thoughts as he came around the corner into the kitchen. I jumped looking up to him as I tossed my phone on the counter. He laughed and apologized.

“Honestly? I haven’t been doing anything,” I sighed giving him a small smile. He came beside me and slid his arms around my back leaning his head against my shoulder. I reached around his waist and held him tight, rubbing my hands up and down his sides gently feeling his lips press to my neck.

“I missed you,” He spoke softly, kissing my neck again and then kissing my lips.

“I missed you,” I whispered back to him as our noses touched and he smiled, “How’s the music?” I asked.

“It’s good,” He said, kissing me a bit slower, “I started and finished an entire song.”

“That’s amazing,” I grinned, shaking my head, “You amaze me.”

“Oh hush,” He chuckled, “That’s not impressive.”

“Yes it is,” I whispered, lowering my chin looking up to him through my lashes, “Don’t doubt yourself.” He sighed and held me tighter resting his forehead on mine. We stood here quietly for a moment, holding one another, as the radio rolled into another song.

As soon as the first note was sung a smile broke out onto Harry’s face.

“What?” I asked, his smile making me crack one as well.

“I cannot help but think of you every single time I think of this movie,” He said.

‘I’ve Had the Time of my Life’ was coming through the speakers and my mind was taken to the movie Dirty Dancing, to the final scene where the couple puts on their performance for the entire country club. The movie is easily one of my favorites, and nothing could ever top that iconic lift they spent the entire film perfecting.

Looking up to Harry he had started singing along to the man's voice, but as soon as the woman began he just looked down to me. Still holding onto me he started walking us backward to the center of the kitchen, and then the beat began and he reached for my hands letting go of my body.

“Harry,” I smiled cheesily as he kept our bodies close, but began rocking side to side to the tempo of the music. I tried to pull away from him slightly knowing what he was going on about, and I wasn’t in the mood to do so.

“So we take each other's hand, ‘cause we seem to understand the urgency...” He still sang along watching me resisting my pull.

“Come on,” He said quickly to me, pleading with his eyes, “...I can’t get enough of...” He closed his eyes to sing. He was standing in front of me in a black button down with the top three buttons undone and the softest pair of grey sweatpants I had ever felt. It seemed completely chaotic, but he managed to pull it all off. His curls were a mess, bouncing like crazy, he hadn’t done anything to them today but this was when I liked them the most. I loved to see this side, the one that wasn’t worried about what anyone would think if they saw him. The Harry that took me back to being teenagers. The one who radiated the happiest energy, and just filled you with insane comfort. He wasn’t worried about anything in this moment, he was focused on me and all he wanted to do was purely enjoy the song that makes him think of me. Taking a deep breath, I smiled.

“This could be love...” Harry sang looking at me.

“...because...” I joined him to his surprise and laughed at the face he pulled. His eyebrows shot up and his mouth fell open leaving me to start singing the next bit by myself as he followed me and my movement.

I tugged his hands to pull him into me, our bodies meeting. I rocked with him twice before stepping away and letting go of one of his hands to spin under his arm and he started singing again. Holding both of his hands again I spun us a few times slowly, suddenly feeling a little nervous to do anything too crazy.

As the second verse started I came closer to Harry putting one of my hands onto his shoulder letting us dance together in circles as we sang along.

Harry sang directly to me, all of the words he was saying he was making sure I knew he was singing to me. Even after all he and I had been through he still managed to make me blush and give me butterflies. The different ways he expressed each lyric and how silly he would get was making my heart beat harder for him. I sang back to him, feeling more confident the more he was, and made sure he knew I was singing to him.

The kitchen around us had become a blur, the two of us easily forgetting where we were and not caring about it. Warmth surrounded me and looking at Harry now not giving a second thought to anything but he and I in this moment, I paused and tossed my head back letting out a genuine laugh of pure happiness. 

The chorus kicked back up and I threw his hands away and turned with both of my arms above my head. Harry stepped back still singing, and watched me move. I lost myself in the music, letting it fill me and tell me what to do. My feet took me around the kitchen and I spun and shook my hips in a way no one had seen in years. I was performing for him, completely embodying everything the song was implying and letting it be known through the movement of my body. 

Coming back close to him I circled him, letting a hand drag across his chest each time I passed in front. He tried to catch me once but I jumped away, winking at him. I danced around making him work for it and once he finally caught onto me I let his hands slide down over my hips. Smiling to him, I turned away and leaned against him letting my back sink onto his chest. He followed my moves letting me lead us with his hands still on my hips. We didn’t move far, I purposely kept us here and playfully rolled my hips into his.

Reaching a hand behind me I laid it to his cheek and tilted my head back to peek at him. His eyes were shut, but they opened once he felt me turn. He smiled down to me as we swayed back and forth, his arm wrapping around my waist keeping me held close. The end of the song played out and we kept ourselves in this place for the rest of it.

Spinning myself around in his arms I faced him and brought my other hand up to hold around his shoulders. He tilted his chin to the side a bit before he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. He moved slowly, and I could feel the sweet energy growing thicker. The way our bodies met and moved gave off a friction I was well familiar with.

I could feel the heat between us grow and it grew fast. Our lips moved quicker, hungrier, and our hands held on tighter. I gripped a fistful of his shirt and wanted to pull it off of him but he stopped me and I pulled away with a pout.

“Not right now,” He nearly giggled.

“Why not?” I whispered heavily, tugging at the buttons as he watched my fingers.

“Louis? Your brother?” He sighed, flickering his eyes back to mine and taking a deep breath once he did.

“So, what?” I asked flatly and leaned forward to press a kiss against the skin on his chest showing from beneath the undone buttons. He took in a sharp breath and I felt him push his hips toward mine.

“So, what?” He repeated, resting his head down against the top of mine, “Love, I’d love to but can we wait until Lou leaves?” He asked. I paused and thought about it, knowing that Louis would be leaving in an hour or so, but then I brought my mind back to him and this nearly sheer button down hanging off of him and I wanted to rip every single stitch out with my own teeth. I glanced up to him and he raised a single eyebrow questioning me and if I was going to give him an answer or not.

Instead of speaking to him, I looked down between us and pulled at the buttons on his shirt once again. I then brought my hands by my side and slowly bent down, dropping to my knees in front of him. I didn’t break my eyes away from him and watched as he bit onto his bottom lip, frozen in his place. On purpose I drew my eyes down his body noticeably to his hips in front of me, and I looked back up to him through my lashes watching him quickly snap his head back when our eyes met again.

“Stand up,” He whispered.

“Why?” I asked innocently. He looked back down to me, his eyebrows low and his eyes dark.

“Just, please, stand up,” He said, running a hand through his hair and down his face. I smiled and gently placed a hand by his knee getting his attention again. Slowly dragging my fingers up his thigh I brought my other hand up to mirror this one and stopped once I was to the band of his pants. I could see what I was doing to him, the pants he wore weren’t helping him out. He kept his eyes on me, watching me carefully. My fingers slipped beneath the elastic around his waist and I paused, expecting him to stop me, but he let me continue. I pulled his pants a bit, only his hip bones coming out and I saw him take a deep breath. Our eyes met again and I smiled, pulling them down further and he finally cracked reaching down to pull me up from under my shoulders. Keeping me close to him he hurried for the backdoor taking us outside and brought me under the patio in a spot furthest from the door, completely hidden if you were to look out. Harry leaned himself against the side of the house and took me down to the floor, where I was inside the house. 

A smile played at my lips as I looked at him. I had his mind focused on one thing. He watched me intently, breathing through narrowly parted lips. Taking my hands to his hips I did what I wanted to do in the house and pulled his pants with his boxers down around his ankles, and looking back up I was happy with what was waiting for me. Harry was perfectly still, waiting patiently. 

I wasted no time and wrapped a hand around him and opened my mouth taking him in slowly, letting my tongue run along him underneath. He took in a long deep breath, his head tossing back and a groan escaping his lips. Trying to fit his length I kept my hand on his base and took him in as far as I could before he got close to my throat. Pausing for only a second, I then pushed further taking him all before pulling away knowing I’d only be able to do that a few times. My lips stayed tight around him as I sucked his tip, letting my tongue flicker up and down. One of his hands fell on top of my head and he quickly brought both down to gather my hair to hold it up. 

Pumping my hand now along with how I was sucking him was driving him mad. He held my hair tight and every so often would rock his hips toward me. The sounds he was giving me were coming straight from his chest, and I knew he was trying to keep himself quiet, but they were getting me going. Sucking him faster, twisting my hand around he rocked his hips more and I moaned around him as he went all the way in, making his knees go weak.

He reached down between us and pushed me away lifting me up the way he had done before. Kissing me harshly he took me toward the table, his hands working my pants down on the way. Once we were there he flipped me around and kissed my neck bending me over slow. His fingers found my center as his lips worked on my neck and I hummed to him. Both of his hands then held onto my hips and the two of us took in a breath as he slid himself inside of me. Our bodies met and he held himself close just on top of me, his arms slipping beside my body. He rocked into me and I moaned before biting down on my lip. We were outside and there was the chance either of his friends could hear us, I had to keep quiet. With how Harry started thrusting his hips that became a challenge so I buried my face into his arm and kept it hidden there. The heat within me grew and I became more eager for him, needing more.

Lifting one of my legs up I rested my knee on the table and sighed as I felt one his arms come back to hold it in place, opening up my hips.

“Faster, Harry,” I whimpered at a whisper tossing my head back to rest against his chest.

“Yes, baby,” He whined, his hands holding me tighter as he did what I told him to do. Complete bliss washed over me and I moaned out to him, my weight falling against him as he held me.

“Baby,” He whispered, warning me of my voice, “Just for me.”

“Just for you,” I assured him between breaths, trying to keep my sounds between us.

After a moment he cursed under his breath and used both his hands to flip me over, sitting me on the table. He slipped within me again and pressed his chest against mine, our foreheads touching.

“I love to see you,” He said before he snapped his hips against mine again as fast as I wanted him to go. My head fell back and my eyes squeezed shut, and I wanted to sing out to him. He was making me feel so good, he always did and I loved letting him know that. He dropped a hand between us and placed a thumb over my center. I swore my vision went white when he started to circle his thumb to the pace he was fucking me at.

“I want you to cum,” He graveled and I answered him with a whine, absolutely losing control of my body just by the sound of his voice, “I wanna come in that sweet mouth of yours.” He said dirtily and with that my body pressed to his as I hit my high, tightening around him. My legs were shaking as his hips slowed, and I knew I had to get down on my knees, I wanted it.

Pushing him away at his chest, I dropped down and wrapped my mouth around him sucking once before sitting back with my mouth open. Harry gripped himself and pumped his hand up and down his length a few times before he pressed himself to my tongue and let himself go. Closing my lips I moaned happily and sucked gently letting him ride his high. Swallowing all of him down I let him go and looked up to him licking my lips. He was looking down at me, taking heavy breaths through his parted lips.

“You look sexy down there,” He whispered, “You’re really good.” I blushed and felt thankful it was dark out so he couldn’t see it. Holding my hands up for him to grab, he helped me stand up and felt proud of himself when he saw me struggle to catch my balance for a moment. He reached to the ground for my bottoms and helped me into them, kissing my thighs on the way up. He got himself together as I did my buttons and then leaned toward me to kiss me. 

As I was mid exchanging tongues with Harry, the pool filter kicked on and it was brought to my attention that we had actually just had sex outside.

“Oh my god,” I gasped looking at him with wide eyes.

“What?” He laughed, placing a kiss to my cheek.

“No one else is here right?” I said in a near panic hoping Matteo or anyone on his team wasn’t around. Harry glanced up and around the yard and laughed a little louder.

“Oh shit,” He smiled. I just about lost it and gripped his arms shaking him because here I had hoped he knew we’d be okay out here. He reached for my hands and pulled them down giving them a squeeze, “Stop, stop,” He laughed again, “They’re not here.” Putting one of his arms around my shoulders he walked us both back into the house.

Stepping inside the sliding doors we found Liam and Louis walking down the hall toward the front of the house. We all met one another in the kitchen.

Liam started rummaging through cabinets, and Louis leaned against a counter eyeing Harry and I up and down. Once our eyes met he squinted and I wanted to run and hide. I was never good under social pressure and with it being Louis there was no way I was going to be able to hide a thing.

He relaxed his face, but he reached his hands up and pretended to smooth down his hair telling me to do the same. I turned over my shoulder to catch my reflection in the door and followed his instruction fast, running my hands through my hair to fix the way it was so carelessly thrown around. Liam's back was still to us so I peeked at Harry and sighed. He looked so content. A small smile was on his face and his curls were pushed forward. He glanced at me and winked, placing a thumb to my lips, I could feel how they were just a bit swollen, and he pulled on them gently before walking to sit beside Louis. He sparked up a conversation with my brother and I watched in awe how he could sit there across the kitchen from him and speak to him as if he wasn’t just on top of his sister.

“We didn’t get much done after you got up,” Liam shrugged to him leaning on the counter near Harry, “This one insisted on playing every track, however, and wouldn’t let me turn anything down!” My brother said annoyed, pointing to Louis who rolled his eyes and sighed.

“You’re all lucky I did!” He exclaimed without hesitation. Liam, my brother and the airhead, looked at him confused while Harry threw his head back with a cackle.

“What are you talking about?” Liam asked.

“We need you to pick beats, Payno. I had to play them all so you’d hear one you’d like,” Louis shrugged again innocently. Liam agreed without further argument and I held my hands over my mouth to stifle a laugh. My brother glanced over his shoulder to me and smiled.

“Hey! Where’ve you been all day?” He asked me, holding open an arm for me to come hug him.

“Letting you guys enjoy your time together,” I said with a nod, “I have to go get showered.” Declining his invite I started around the counters and brushed past Louis giving him a bump with my hips, and he lifted a hand to gently tap my back.

“Good to see we’re practicing hygiene, children,” He said, sarcastically disciplining Harry and I. Liam watched us confused again, I just shook my head at Louis and Harry was laughing all over again.

“Goodnight, darling. I’ll be here tomorrow, okay?” Louis said watching me start down the hall. I turned around blowing him a kiss and he pretended to catch it and eat it, getting me to giggle. 

  
  



End file.
